I hate people

worrywort

Well-known member
I'm beginning to worry about my levels of hatred towards other people. Anyone else have this problem?

The number of people I come across that I actually respect and kinda like, seems to be diminishing as I age. Also the closer I get to people the more likely it seems I'll end up hating them too.

There are a few people here and there that I still like. I like humble people who aren't afraid to admit their flaws, and I like honest people. Intelligence isn't necessarily a dealbreaker; I've known a few simple people who have their heart in the right place, and I like people like that, but generally ignorance and stupidity is something that frustrates me in other people. I've also always kinda liked most of the people on this website, and I'm not just saying that! ;)

But lately it seems like almost everyone I come across I feel an instant dislike for. I just feel like there are so many horrible, selfish, ungrateful, ignorant people out there. There are people at my work who just moan and complain all the time. Then there are people who seem to only ever talk about themselves. Then there are people who always have to cut other people down to feel better about themselves. Then there are those that seem so self-absorbed and arrogant, like they're the centre of the universe, and some are so demanding and seem to have this attitude of entitlement that they wear like a robe. Then you get those angry, ignorant types that are always kicking up a fuss when they haven't done their research. Then there's manipulative people who lie and bullshit you, and there's people that dress like they're something special and.....ergh....the list goes on......

But I guess what I'm really curious about is why I feel this way. I have a strong suspicion the fault is my own. Perhaps I'm a perfectionist with unrealistically high standards, perhaps it's a defence mechanism gone wrong; i.e. I'm just creating more excuses to avoid getting close to people. Or perhaps it's a classic case of projection, that the things I hate in other's are actually the things I'm most guilty of myself but don't want to face up to. I'm not sure how I'd find out.

But if anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear. Maybe we could all share the types of people we all hate! Wouldn't that be a jolly discussion!?
 

crankitup

Active member
Have you ever done the MBTI? It's a personality test that gives you a type based on 4 letters with 16 possible combinations.

What it showed me is that my personality (INTP) happends to be a type that thinks, sees and is stimulated by things differently then the majority of the population who are either extroverted or sensors.


It maybe that you will never get along with the majority of society but you should be able to find a niche somewhere. It may help
 

worrywort

Well-known member
Thanks, yea I'm an INTJ apparently, which perhaps explains a little!

I think I'm ok with the idea of being different to most people and probably not meeting many like-minded people in my life time. But it's this feeling of animosity that bothers me. I want to have love for everybody. I want to be able to see past people's faults, and see their potential, to the real person inside that just needs love like the rest of us.

Perhaps this kind of love is just harder than I thought to actually live out.
 

crankitup

Active member
All people have their faults, but some people are just always going to be toxic to you no matter how hard you try to look past it. A vast chunk of our society really is bad with a nasty value system that goes along with sheer ignorance. I'm thinking some of your animosity towards some people is justified.

It's one of the reasons why I don't watch tv anymore. Instead I try to surround myself as best I can with more open minded people with more of an internal moral compass. It's almost impossible and these people are very hard to find.
For example most people will label me as some kind of eccentric geek. I'll avoid them at all cost and try to seek out people open minded enough to accept me for who I am. When you do find these people it really makes you feel good about who you are.
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
I feel the same way sometimes, but there are nice people out there too. I only like nice people, the ones who actually respect other people and care about how the things they say might affect others. That said, no one's perfect.

I'm INFP. :)
 

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
I'm beginning to worry about my levels of hatred towards other people. Anyone else have this problem?

The number of people I come across that I actually respect and kinda like, seems to be diminishing as I age. Also the closer I get to people the more likely it seems I'll end up hating them too.

There are a few people here and there that I still like. I like humble people who aren't afraid to admit their flaws, and I like honest people. Intelligence isn't necessarily a dealbreaker; I've known a few simple people who have their heart in the right place, and I like people like that, but generally ignorance and stupidity is something that frustrates me in other people. I've also always kinda liked most of the people on this website, and I'm not just saying that! ;)

But lately it seems like almost everyone I come across I feel an instant dislike for. I just feel like there are so many horrible, selfish, ungrateful, ignorant people out there. There are people at my work who just moan and complain all the time. Then there are people who seem to only ever talk about themselves. Then there are people who always have to cut other people down to feel better about themselves. Then there are those that seem so self-absorbed and arrogant, like they're the centre of the universe, and some are so demanding and seem to have this attitude of entitlement that they wear like a robe. Then you get those angry, ignorant types that are always kicking up a fuss when they haven't done their research. Then there's manipulative people who lie and bullshit you, and there's people that dress like they're something special and.....ergh....the list goes on......

But I guess what I'm really curious about is why I feel this way. I have a strong suspicion the fault is my own. Perhaps I'm a perfectionist with unrealistically high standards, perhaps it's a defence mechanism gone wrong; i.e. I'm just creating more excuses to avoid getting close to people. Or perhaps it's a classic case of projection, that the things I hate in other's are actually the things I'm most guilty of myself but don't want to face up to. I'm not sure how I'd find out.

But if anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear. Maybe we could all share the types of people we all hate! Wouldn't that be a jolly discussion!?

I agree with everything you said! I'm glad I'm not the only one. As far as the reason behind it, I think it could be all three of the reasons you gave, but it may be that some people may get our projections, while others it's to not get close, etc... I'm sure being depressed and angry at our circumstances is also contributing since that leads to jealousy. For example, I am mad when I see seemingly undeserving people (aka. *******s) with good jobs and families, while I am alone in a dead end job because I am too afraid to do anything about it!
 

Argentum

Well-known member
For me, it's mostly apathy and the only way I can like people is by maintaining distance. We don't exchange personal talk, we don't get attached, and we don't spend time together outside of business. I remain cool and disinterested to people who approach me for friendship, and eventually they give up and leave. It works well and I feel much, much better.

When people get close, I almost always get burned. I uncover racism, sexism, and more. Trying to be sympathetic to someone suffering only leads to me being used as a tool, and these people see nothing wrong with trash-talking groups I belong to and then turning back to me for another helping of my time. The only thing I'm bitter about is how some people can be praised and loved for how friendly and sympathetic are, while I only attract trash and then am given the stink-eye when I'm cruel and stingy to protect myself (but who else will look out for me?).

If I have high standards, then crown me Her Majesty the Stuffy!
 
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worrywort

Well-known member
I'm sure being depressed and angry at our circumstances is also contributing since that leads to jealousy.

That's a good point. When you're depressed or grumpy or lacking sleep or just frustrated with something else in your life, other people piss you off more. You have less patience with them. So that could well be part of the reason too. I have been feeling kinda crappy this year come to think of it.

I've thought of more possible reasons. One is that, over the years I feel like I've grown. I've learnt a lot about life and I've become a better person [at least I'd like to think so. My hatred of others perhaps suggest otherwise!], so I think I notice more faults in others now. All the bad habits and lifestyle choices and faulty thinking that I feel I've freed myself from, I notice more and more other people still guilty of these things and it bothers me. Perhaps there's arrogance involved too though, I'll have to watch out for it. But it's probably inevitable that when a person advances in any area of life, it'll get a little lonelier, and they'll have to learn to deal with and have patience with people who are yet to advance. Now that definitely sounds arrogant!! But I do think it's true and I think dealing with arrogance is part of the package too.

One other reason is that I think I've let my thought-life slip a little. Ideally I think, when I meet a person, I should fill my thoughts with all the good things about that person, all their strengths and all their potential. I should try to see the real them inside. I think it takes more effort to do this and lately I've been getting into the habit of noticing faults in others and getting frustrated, or looking down my nose at people, and feeling more isolated etc. So I think I need to practice having better thoughts towards others. I shouldn't pass the blame, but I don't think I'm helped by the fact that almost everybody in my life right now moan and gossip and criticise other people pretty much constantly. It's difficult not to absorb it. Perhaps I need to stand my ground a little more, and stick up for positivity! I'll try that.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
I remain cool and disinterested to people who approach me for friendship, and eventually they give up and leave. It works well and I feel much, much better.

That's a good trick, I might try that sometime. I know a few people I wouldn't mind having a little more distance with!

and these people see nothing wrong with trash-talking groups I belong to

Yea I hate that too
 

Alienated

Well-known member
It's a sign of the times, people show no restraint or self control. They demand from others what they refuse to give themselves, I wish they all implode into the quivering mass of slime they call their brain !! I am out of energy to play their games of who can be the worst parasite, I am old so don't have too much longer.

But enough time to watch them self destruct, in selfish over indulgence of pure hedonism :sarcastic:

At least I have the memories of what life used to be like, when I had value to others and the good times I had helping people that were capable of graditude... Those days are gone.

Now it's only emotional vampires that suck the life out of you, for Sh*t's and Giggles. We are all so screwed !!
 

R3K

Well-known member
it's this new generation of dogmatic college degree hustlers, who're channeled down this railed path of career, beer, children, wine, retirement. they glance at art but dodge the intangibles of philosophic thought toward anything because it nags them off the stone brick road they're traveling down with all their like-minded lemming friends.

I work with a kitchen full of simpleton guatemalen cooks who haven't graduated preschool yet, and somehow they're way better company than the "educated" ppl mentioned in the previous paragraph^.

u should watch the movie "God Bless America," it'll reinforce everything we're saying in this thread
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
The world is full of the sorts of people you mentioned. There's also a lot of good people out there too. But I can understand what you are saying.

I at one time knew this guy Ron who was a know it all, no one was better than he, negative pessimist. I used to think 'geez, I couldn't live like him.. So bitter against the world..'

Around a year later I was talking with my then partner about something when I stopped in my tracks.
'Oh my god... I sound like Ron.. I can't believe it... How did I get like this??'

In that minute my mind scanned my memories over the last year and I realised I was picking at every negative thing I could find with people.. And it was with everyone. I no longer liked anyone.
I remember thinking to myself at that moment; 'I'm NOT going to be like Ron. I'll be damned if I'll let myself end up like him. That's not who I want to be.'

It really was one of those 'light bulb moments' and looking back now it's when I started my journey towards being a better person.
Yes, the world is full of a'holes. No I don't like everyone.
But I've also learnt I can't change them or that.

I almost see myself as a rock in a stream, the other people are like the water. People come, have their opinions, then go. Much like the water flowing around the rock in the stream.
I probably will never agree with or like most people but I now accept they will come, have their opinions/ time in my life, then they will flow out of my life.

I think you realise your unhappy feeling the way you do towards others. I realise it's hard but you should try to not focus on other people so much. Consider them with a little more amusement. Or don't even consider them, mainly if they have no bearing in your life. Let their opinions flow past you.

You can get to the stage where you think of those people that annoyed the crap out of you before as just bad people with bad attitudes - but they don't affect you. It will no longer drag you down.
I really hope you look into trying to ease your mind. If you can at least learn to let go of this thinking habit you've gotten into, I can garrauntee you'll feel better.
Good luck.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
u should watch the movie "God Bless America," it'll reinforce everything we're saying in this thread

Hey I just watched this movie! It was awesome, nice recommendation. I certainly think there's a lot of truth to it, although at the same time there's still something I don't quite like about this whole attitude. I can't help but think, what would Frank and Roxy do if they ever met me on a bad day?! I know I'm not perfect. There must be many things about me that someone out there is gonna hate. How would I want people to react to me? I think I'd want people to be gentle and have patience with me. I certainly wouldn't want people to give up on me. But I don't know, some people have more hate-able traits than others I suppose.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
I almost see myself as a rock in a stream, the other people are like the water. People come, have their opinions, then go. Much like the water flowing around the rock in the stream.
I probably will never agree with or like most people but I now accept they will come, have their opinions/ time in my life, then they will flow out of my life.

That's a really nice thought. I like that. I definitely find, if I'm not alert, I kind of absorb other people's energy a bit. For example, if they moan and complain I kinda feel guilty like I was the one complaining. I guess it's guilt by association, cause I'm connected to these people. Perhaps this is why I'm beginning to hate people more, because I'm letting them bring me down too much. So maybe your analogy could help. I'll think about it. Thanks.
 

onehandclapping

Well-known member
I'm beginning to worry about my levels of hatred towards other people. Anyone else have this problem?

The number of people I come across that I actually respect and kinda like, seems to be diminishing as I age. Also the closer I get to people the more likely it seems I'll end up hating them too.

yea, I have this problem and its part of the reason I don't get too close to people, i'm afraid i'll end up annoyed with them. if I keep people at a distance there is less chance i'll become bothered.

it's mainly people that take the piss, have no respect. i'm not saying I need special attention ,just to be treated like normal and how other people are ,it seems a lot of people treat me like shit, I don't know why exactly but it's possibly because of my low self esteem and mental health problems. its the humiliation I feel from people that gets to me, maybe other people have less of a problem with it. but it gets to me pretty badly. also when I work hard at something and get zero recognition, it just ties into the above and the lack of respect.

its either that or people thinking they want to control and manipulate me, or take advantage of me because I can be trusting,generous,helpful or naive. I have to remind myself to second guess people on the rare occasion someone takes a real interest in me.

also, once I get to know people better I tend to notice people with opinions on things which I think are terrible, it just makes me want to distance myself from them.
 
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Odo

Banned
Here's an article for you, OP:

We See in Others What We Fear in Ourselves | Psychology Today

...when people were lead to believe they had a negative trait, they were more likely to see this negative trait in others. And further, in doing so, they were less likely to think they had the trait themselves.

That is, by seeing the other person negatively on a trait, people came to have higher regard for themselves on that trait.

In everyday life, this would suggest that if you felt angry at your boss, that you would be more likely to think your other co-workers were also angry. In doing so, you would actually think you were less angry.

This is consistent with research showing that when our self-esteem is threatened (like when we are told we are unattractive) we are more likely to degrade others.
 

worrywort

Well-known member

Thanks Odo! That could well be true. Hard to tell though if you're guilty of this or not. I probably am knowing me!

So far I've collated several possible reasons for why I'm feeling more hatred for others lately. They are as follows [for anyone who might be interested!];

1. perfectionism
- perhaps because faults in other's challenges me in ways I feel inadequate to respond to. I.e. I feel I should confront the wrongdoing but don't. So, being a perfectionist, this bother's me and I come to hate the person for bringing this problem onto me.​
- or perhaps because I absorb other people's wrongdoings by association, because I'm connected to them, it brings me down a little and I resent them for that​
2. Defence mechanism
- Perhaps it's an excuse to keep people at a distance. i.e. I tell myself that these people aren't good enough for me, that they aren't worth knowing.​
3. Projection
- Perhaps the things I hate in others are actually the things I'm most guilty of myself but don't want to face up to.​
4. Depressed/lack of sleep
-Perhaps I'm just depressed or grumpy or frustrated with something in my own life, or lacking sleep, and I'm reflecting this onto others. I'm having less patience and seeing the easier negatives instead of working to see the positives in people​
5. Self-Improvement
- Perhaps when you advance intellectually or morally in life you notice the faults of those yet to advance more clearly.​
6. Arrogance
- Perhaps by picking up on the faults of others, I'm distancing myself from those faults and affirming that I myself do not possess those faults. This brings a feeling of superiority which makes me feel good.​
7. Lazy thinking
- Perhaps it's harder work to have empathy for others and to see their positives and see past their negatives, and perhaps I need to change my habits of thought.​

there's also the possibility, of course, that it may be justified hatred! I definitely think there are some things in life we ought to hate. But I think the old adage "hate the sin, love the sinner" might be a good thing to remember here, so I think that might be a mantra I'll try out for a while.
 

AGR

Well-known member
Its only natural to hate people,bad people definetly outweight the good ones,I mostly gave up having friends or any kind of relationship,and I am not asking for someone perfect only like 2 or 3 things I need to have in my friends or girlfriend,but I have never seen someone like that,I guess it has to be this way so that if by sheer luck you find any good person you can appreciate them more....
 
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