Livemylife
Well-known member
I'm beginning to worry about my levels of hatred towards other people. Anyone else have this problem?
The number of people I come across that I actually respect and kinda like, seems to be diminishing as I age. Also the closer I get to people the more likely it seems I'll end up hating them too.
There are a few people here and there that I still like. I like humble people who aren't afraid to admit their flaws, and I like honest people. Intelligence isn't necessarily a dealbreaker; I've known a few simple people who have their heart in the right place, and I like people like that, but generally ignorance and stupidity is something that frustrates me in other people. I've also always kinda liked most of the people on this website, and I'm not just saying that!
But lately it seems like almost everyone I come across I feel an instant dislike for. I just feel like there are so many horrible, selfish, ungrateful, ignorant people out there. There are people at my work who just moan and complain all the time. Then there are people who seem to only ever talk about themselves. Then there are people who always have to cut other people down to feel better about themselves. Then there are those that seem so self-absorbed and arrogant, like they're the centre of the universe, and some are so demanding and seem to have this attitude of entitlement that they wear like a robe. Then you get those angry, ignorant types that are always kicking up a fuss when they haven't done their research. Then there's manipulative people who lie and bullshit you, and there's people that dress like they're something special and.....ergh....the list goes on......
But I guess what I'm really curious about is why I feel this way. I have a strong suspicion the fault is my own. Perhaps I'm a perfectionist with unrealistically high standards, perhaps it's a defence mechanism gone wrong; i.e. I'm just creating more excuses to avoid getting close to people. Or perhaps it's a classic case of projection, that the things I hate in other's are actually the things I'm most guilty of myself but don't want to face up to. I'm not sure how I'd find out.
But if anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear. Maybe we could all share the types of people we all hate! Wouldn't that be a jolly discussion!?
I went through a period where I hated people. I made a post on a different site, something similar to what you posted, listing the ways people are terrible. I asked why I was supposed to like such people. And one of the most shocking responses I got was a version of the above bolded sentence. It blew my mind. This was before I had a better understanding of humans. Now I know for a fact that I do not see myself in other people or "mirror" other people. However, most humans(99%+) do use others as "mirrors." It's part of their social nature. The vast majority of humans are social creatures and use other humans almost like an extension of themselves.
Anyway, I did kind of stop hating people, but only because I decided to stop thinking about them so much. Why should I have all those negative thoughts floating around in my head? Why spend time thinking about some rude person you encountered when you could be thinking about something more positive or even thinking of nothing at all? I still find people annoying. When I encounter such people, I think "wow, what an idiot!" or "man he is annoying!" and then stop thinking about it. I consciously try to shift my thoughts elsewhere. The old me would go back to these negative encounters and dissect them in my head and think about how much I HATED that person. I feel like this might be a trait common in social anxiety. Others with SA might spend too much time remembering an embarrassing moment and hating themselves. Either way, there is nothing to be gained from having your head filled with negativity.
I also want to share another theory I have. I believe that liking people must be a personality trait. By that I mean, for you and me, perhaps liking people is harder for us. It's as if we need a reason to like someone. I've realized that if I wait for someone to impress me, it'll never happen. Others might see someone and take a liking to them because they find them pretty or some other trivial reason. My point is, we don't warm up to people very easily. And in my case, I'm already suspicious of people because of decades of emotional and mental trauma. The way I see it, people have given me very valid reasons to hate them. And as I have elucidated in this paragraph, I have no reason in particular to like them.
I think it's good you are asking yourself these questions. I hope you eventually find an answer.
