I feel stuck, people confuse me..

First off, I am new here.. I've poked around a bit and read some threads before signing up. So.. Hello. ::

Where to start..
I'm nearly 30, live with my parents, and am basically jobless right now.

I feel stuck, and it stresses me out to the point I feel physically ill. For years I have pushed people away from me, I never want to go out or do anything. I have worked at various jobs for varying amounts of time (a few months/a few years), I never love the jobs, but I stay when I meet good people.

When I am at work, I am usually well liked. I am a nice and funny guy, and people enjoy being around me. They are always asking me to hang out, or do things with them, but I always turn them down.

At this point, the last time I did anything, was back in October when a friend came over to hang out. Since then I have not gone anywhere or done anything with anyone.. I don't feel well enough, or that I'm worth spending time with.

I think, from what I've been told, that I am a fairly attractive person.. but I have never had a girlfriend. I don't like myself, and I feel like I would just disappoint anyone I went out with. At this age (nearly 30), woman aren't looking for a high school romance.. they are settling down, looking for men with careers, buying houses, having kids.. What would my opening line be? "Hi, I'm almost 30, and I live with my parents.. I've never had a GF before...".

My home life is a drama with everyone involved. I would need to hold a good job to move out, but I am too depressed to do so. so I'm stuck. Every day is exactly the same to me, it doesn't matter if it's a weekend, or holiday..

I'm sorry I've rambled on for so long.. It's good to vent. And this was the shortened version.

What is the point? I feel like I'm only living for others and not myself.. Ughh.

i can relate to your story, im 32. i felt adsactly the same about having a relationship, everyones grown up and ive been stuck in my bubble letting the world pass by. who would want me? im a mess most of the time.
i joined a dating site, not to find a date but to practise my social skills. the results were quite interesting. i once again like you didnt think i was attractive but i postd my pic and filled out my status thinking im just doing like everyone else does.
one month i was on that site and i spoke to loads of women, i got offered several dates to my surprise, so i went on one.
i was nervous but so was she, the first date was awkward but it got better on the 2nd and 3rd date. i told her i had social phobia and hadnt had sex or been in a relationship for 15 years but it didnt phase her.
yep i finally had sex and ok it was clumsy and awkward at first but if i can do it, surely anyone can.
dont give up theres always hope

wheres my manors, welcome to spw nomodernromance.
basil- were you asking me or nomodernromance ?

Have you approached a doctor about your depression, and/or a therapist about your social issues? If not, that's where the rest of your life is all going to start from.

Mickery said:

Have you approached a doctor about your depression, and/or a therapist about your social issues? If not, that's where the rest of your life is all going to start from.

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I've been taking a mild anti anxiety/depression med for years now, and for sometime over a year I have been taking a sleep med. I've tried, and when I don't take my sleep med, I literally cannot go to sleep.. my brain won't shut off, it just keeps going in loops and keeping me up.

Since starting the anxiety/depression med I haven't really pushed the subject when I see the doctor (which is as few times as I possibly have to). They ask questions like how I'm doing, and i usually say "O.K.".. I feel embarrassed when they ask me about suicidal thoughts and the like.. so I deny everything. I'm afraid what will happen if I admit my depression, that's why I just want to be left alone for the most part.

I guess even joining this forum is some help though.

I think you're quite a long way, to be honest. You're able to work a job, so all you really need is that final step required to move out, which involves some saving up and perhaps a slightly better-paid position elsewhere. Once you achieve that, tentatively put out some feelers regarding potential dates (join a dating site if that's easier) and you're in the same boat as most 20- or 30-somethings. You also sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and a healthy dose of self-esteem in the sense that you're able to identify some of your positive traits. So no, judging by your story I wouldn't say you're lagging behind in any major way. I think you just need to work on some positive reinforcement, and try to boost your motivation so that you can achieve those final steps regarding moving out and finding a partner - and that's pretty attainable and not nearly as big a leap as it seems.

Kinetik said:

I think you're quite a long way, to be honest. You're able to work a job, so all you really need is that final step required to move out, which involves some saving up and perhaps a slightly better-paid position elsewhere. Once you achieve that, tentatively put out some feelers regarding potential dates (join a dating site if that's easier) and you're in the same boat as most 20- or 30-somethings. You also sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and a healthy dose of self-esteem in the sense that you're able to identify some of your positive traits. So no, judging by your story I wouldn't say you're lagging behind in any major way. I think you just need to work on some positive reinforcement, and try to boost your motivation so that you can achieve those final steps regarding moving out and finding a partner - and that's pretty attainable and not nearly as big a leap as it seems.

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Oh.. It gets more complicated. As I said, I live with my parents... Now.. My Mom hates my Dad and has nearly gotten a divorce recently (literally called to have the papers stopped). She doesn't want to stay with him, and the only reason she can tolerate it is because I am here with her. If I left, she would not stay.. and that would be a HUGE mess, and I don't think she could live by herself. My Dad has also been disabled (has good and bad days.. more bad) for the past couple years, and that has made him somewhat mean.. and he takes it out on us. But because of this, he can't really take full care of himself either. My house is a huge depression machine that feeds on itself.

Hi no modern romance you wouldn't believe how much i can relate to you. I turned 30 in April and i still live with my parents etc. I too am a nice and mostly funny guy and i have been told that i'm a gentleman etc but i have never had a girlfriend, feel inexperienced in life etc. My parents also have a bad relationship, basically living in an unhappy enviroment.

About the women wanting a guy with prospects i can relate too, i feel like a kid who has not grown up.

Sorry i don't really know what to say, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.

recluse said:

Hi no modern romance you wouldn't believe how much i can relate to you. I turned 30 in April and i still live with my parents etc. I too am a nice and mostly funny guy and i have been told that i'm a gentleman etc but i have never had a girlfriend, feel inexperienced in life etc. My parents also have a bad relationship, basically living in an unhappy enviroment.

About the women wanting a guy with prospects i can relate too, i feel like a kid who has not grown up.

Sorry i don't really know what to say, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.

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I suppose there has to be a few of us out there

And I agree with how you put it "like a kid who has not grown up". I feel like I missed out on something along the way. Some epiphany that hasn't happened.

Whatever I put out I can get back I think. Havent done much in 3 years really... I can flirt, not a huge talker sure but have SOME charm and humor and well flirty ways.

Go to a point where perhaps it's possible to be mutual interest and instead of pushing the pedal to the metal and going for it to see, I stop on the brakes easily. Let her pass. Then sputter along lost, constantly changing lanes and slowing down, trying to get something but it's too late she's turned off the freeway of love already.

I can't use past experience 3+ years ago like never happened. I can't read people tho I have good intuition but I don't know... guess there's that step I can't cross yet had a chance this semester didn't take it; I mean - chance for not romance necessarily but better friends with a gal at least. Last week too, actually capitalized coffee/lunch and studied together and talked and stuff but allll too late for anything more. Any attraction purely friends level now. Was clear. Which is cool sure. But yeah... anyways hmm this kinda became like my personal journal entry.

Anyways can understand and reciprocate with most posters here.