Feeling that you lost time

April72

Well-known member
I'm 42 years old. Lately, I have a strong feeling of sadness.
I'm thinking about how much time I lost in the past because of my disorder.

I self-isolated myself for 7 years when I was 17. I had lots of inferiority and physical complexes.
I came back life at 24 when I began to work as a teacher and I could afford paying a therapy. My first psychologist helped me a lot to cope with my professional life, if it wouldn't be for him, I wasn't able to live in that town were I had to stablish my first relations far from my family.

Now, that I have moré confident and I learnt to live with my problem, I wonder about all the things that I could have lived if I would go to a therapist before.
To be honest, this is my main reason to be in a forum like that. I want to say younger people out loud, look for help, as sooner as you can.


Do you also have this feeling? And if you are young, what do you think about it? Are you attending to therapy? How are you doing in the therapy? Do you believe that you are progressing?
 

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
Hello! Can you talk a little about how you went from being isolated to getting a job as a teacher? I would love to hear more about it if you are willing to share.

I am young (25) I am not going to therapy and have do not want to go. I am forever reading self help books,blogs and quotes. I get strong feeling of sadness when thinking of how much my past has lacked cause of my SA and fears.

Try not wasting energy on your past and focus on today and the now. Think about all the stuff you can do today to better your future.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
yep, thats the worst thing, lost or wasted time especially if you wasted your late teens or your 20s..i burned a lot of my 20s away due to my disorder and other things and now im looking back wondering "now what?"...u are so far behind thats its almost pointless to try and star things like a normal person..
 

bsammy

Well-known member
sammie kay-no one WANTS to go to therapy but its a must for some people...what OP and myself is trying to get through to younger folks like yourself who still have time in their side is get help immediately, do not wait until your 30s to fix things as then its too late in a way..i see teenagers and people in their early 20s just withering away on here hopeless and stuck and they have no clue how much harder things can and will get if they dont find help and get better NOW..
 

Heremit

Well-known member
Do you also have this feeling? And if you are young, what do you think about it? Are you attending to therapy? How are you doing in the therapy? Do you believe that you are progressing?

Yes, I have this kind of feeling ... I think it's :sad::eek:h::thumbdown: in the same moment....
I haven't done a therapy yet.
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
Therapy isn't some kind of magic cure. There are too many therapists who don't know shit, who don't understand their patients and can't actually help. You have to be lucky to find a good one.

I started therapy when I was about 15. I felt I was finally making progress only a few years ago (I'm 29 now). Some therapists even made my problems worse. I do think it can help, but you really have to make sure you're with the right therapist. the problem is, if you're in such a low place, it's easy to think that you are the problem, especially of you're young. The first therapist I saw, I knew very well it wasn't working, I knew it was because he didn't understand my problems and we didn't exactly click either, but I was only 15..... I didn't have the guts to say "hey this isn't working, I want another therapist". if he was any good at his job, he should've seen it wasn't working.
 

April72

Well-known member
Well, I spend the most part of my time in my bedroom. I never went out with friends or relatives. I basically spent my days studying, listening to music and the radio, day dreaming, reading books and doing physical exercise. I didn't eat much because I wanted to be slim. I nearly became anorexic.


I finally signed up the University to be a teacher. I felt that I had to do something productive and this is what I always wanted to be.
I lived very hard moments at the University bc I found impossible to interact like my mates. So, I used to miss many lessons but I did the very best to study and research on my own and I got really good marks.
After that, I was along a year studying for public exams and I passed them.
I was given my first school in a town a bit far from my city.
When I got my first salary I looked for a therapist.
And, here I am. Wondering why the hell, I didn't ask my parents for help. I was very good at pretending that I felt well and that there wasn't any problem.

Ayalaa, I understand for your post that you weren't very lucky with that therapist, but when is there a better opportunity to recover going to a therapist or doing nothing?

I used to write on my journal: I'd wish this depression ended up. But, I was moré or less, waiting for a miracle, that is, without doing anything, without knowing what to do.

Thank you all for your replies!
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
Ayalaa, I understand for your post that you weren't very lucky with that therapist, but when is there a better opportunity to recover going to a therapist or doing nothing?

I do agree with this, you are not going to get any better doing nothing. But if you're doing therapy and it isn't working, it can also make problems worse as you get dishartened. Therapy isn't easy, it takes commitment, hard work, and you have to be ready for it.

<long, boring story gone>

Bottom line is, you have to do what feels right for you.

I used to write on my journal: I'd wish this depression ended up. But, I was moré or less, waiting for a miracle, that is, without doing anything, without knowing what to do.

I felt like that. Honestly, I still feel like that sometimes. Reading this says to me, you weren't ready at that time either. Don't beat yourself up over it. Yes, I also get sad over missing my teenage years, but blaming yourself over not getting therapy sooner isn't going to bring them back. This was the path you had to take, however hard it was. Maybe you also hit that low point to get the motivation that something HAD to change right then. It's what made you the person you are now. From reading your posts, even if you still struggle with your AvPD, you come across as a strong person. What matters is you DID get help in the end, and you moved forward. That's something to be proud of.

Note: this is NOT meant as an excuse to just sit around and do nothing about your problems. If you want change, you have to work for it. I'm just trying to give some perspective.
 
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Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Spending your time to study and get a degree between 17 and 24 years old is pretty much the best use of your time that you could ever choose to do in this particular period of your life, or among the best options at least. I'm curious why you seem to feel like you've been unproductive. Does the fact that you were unhappy and had no friends put such a huge shadow on this period that you can't see that you accomplished something? Or did I miss something?
 

April72

Well-known member
Ayalaa, I'm sorry you had to go through all of this.
I would like to touch two points you mention. On one hand, what you mention about being ready to change or being ready for therapy. I think you're right.
In fact, I was making different progresses in different therapies I did and in different periods of time.
For example, in my last therapy is when I truly was able to better my self-steem.

On the other hand, it's like the joke I have mentioned in other posts, a bulb has to want to change first. You're right again. You have to make an effort to better you. But, I always wanted to do this effort. TVE problem was that I didn't want to give any charge to my parents. My family was always very modest. I nearly had many clothes.
 
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April72

Well-known member
Pacific_loner, you're right. I never gave many valué to anything I got. I have perfectionist traits. In my vocabulary there is always a "but": yeah, I got this but...yeah, I'm like this but...

What I missed is the experience enjoying things. All what other people made at my age when I was isolated in my room. Having a group of friends, travelling with them, going to parties, meeting any kind of people, doing crazy things.
Being able to correspond a boy...
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
Ayalaa, I'm sorry you had to go through all of this.
Thank you but it's okay, I'm over it ;) Just try to keep moving forward.


I would like to touch two points you mention. On one hand, what you mention about being ready to change or being ready for therapy. I think you're right.
In fact, I was making different progresses in different therapies I did and in different periods of time.
For example, in my last therapy is when I truly was able to better my self-steem.

On the other hand, it's like the joke I have mentioned in other posts, a bulb has to want to change first. You're right again. You have to make an effort to better you. But, I always wanted to do this effort. TVE problem was that I didn't want to give any charge to my parents. My family was always very modest. I nearly had many clothes.
Hehe well yeah it's a cliché but it's true. Obviously if you go to a therapist you want to change, but you have to be willing to work of it as well ;) They can't just wave a magic wand and make all your problems go away.

(Sadly.... It would be really cool if they could do that! I need my fairy godmother!)
 

bsammy

Well-known member
Pacific_loner, you're right. I never gave many valué to anything I got. I have perfectionist traits. In my vocabulary there is always a "but": yeah, I got this but...yeah, I'm like this but...

What I missed is the experience enjoying things. All what other people made at my age when I was isolated in my room. Having a group of friends, travelling with them, going to parties, meeting any kind of people, doing crazy things.
Being able to correspond a boy...

yep, there are certain milestones one must achieve at a certain age in your life and if you dont, you will forever feel 'off'...sure, you can do it years later but its not the same...this is the point i try to hammer home to teens and people in their early 20s on this board..if you dont do certain things in your high school days and earlys 20s, trust me, the regret will not feel good once u get older and realized u missed out..

luckily for me, i did manage to do a few things in my younger days but i relied on alcohol/drugs to achieve them but better that than sitting in my room..
 

April72

Well-known member
Hi Sammy! Yeah, I also have as one of my main reasons for being here, telling yourger people to look for help as soon as possible.
I guess you also lived that time where going to a psychogist or a psychiatrist meant that you were a nut.
I didn't think it but my dad used to think like that. So, I guess my parents did what they knew.

Now, it's different. So, I trust many young guys do it better.
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
Hi Sammy! Yeah, I also have as one of my main reasons for being here, telling yourger people to look for help as soon as possible.
I guess you also lived that time where going to a psychogist or a psychiatrist meant that you were a nut.
I didn't think it but my dad used to think like that. So, I guess my parents did what they knew.

Now, it's different. So, I trust many young guys do it better.

honestly never gave much serious thought about going to a psychiatrist for my issues although i realized i had some problems back then, still do..much more accepted today to see a therapist, that is so true..
 

CrazyGirl

Well-known member
yep, there are certain milestones one must achieve at a certain age in your life and if you dont, you will forever feel 'off'...sure, you can do it years later but its not the same...this is the point i try to hammer home to teens and people in their early 20s on this board..if you dont do certain things in your high school days and earlys 20s, trust me, the regret will not feel good once u get older and realized u missed out..

luckily for me, i did manage to do a few things in my younger days but i relied on alcohol/drugs to achieve them but better that than sitting in my room..

well said.... The earlier, the better to help fix whatever is holding you back in life. I isolated myself as well throughout my teen years and the majority of my 20's. It still haunts me to this day not putting myself out there and having confidence in stepping out of my comfort zone.
Even the people I hang around with now, I still feel like an outsider, trouble connecting with others including keeping a conversation going. When people fall behind those "milestones". it can be very difficult to catch up
 

bsammy

Well-known member
Didn't you go never to a psychiatrist or a psychologist?

nope, i just fought through it and learned social skills and managed to overcome a decent amount of my anxiety by working out and other methods..the anxiety and avoidance is still there but its better in ways...
 

bsammy

Well-known member
well said.... The earlier, the better to help fix whatever is holding you back in life. I isolated myself as well throughout my teen years and the majority of my 20's. It still haunts me to this day not putting myself out there and having confidence in stepping out of my comfort zone.
Even the people I hang around with now, I still feel like an outsider, trouble connecting with others including keeping a conversation going. When people fall behind those "milestones". it can be very difficult to catch up

exactly, its like a vicious cycle, i also hang around people my age but also feel like an outsider mostly due to my past and avoidant nature..the lack of having lived a life like normal people will always put you at a disadvantage or at least make you feel very different...then u might start to avoid these people and here we go again..

oh yeah., i missed out on a lot of dating and things like that during my high school years and my 20s..looking back its like ugghh...i shouldnt have been as picky as i with with certain girls etc etc..i should have just went with it..

thats the problem, you cant catch up with certain milestones..they need to be achieved during those key areas of your life ....
 

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
yep, thats the worst thing, lost or wasted time especially if you wasted your late teens or your 20s..i burned a lot of my 20s away due to my disorder and other things and now im looking back wondering "now what?"...u are so far behind thats its almost pointless to try and star things like a normal person..

Well this sounds pretty much like me, while most of my friends are married and having kids (which granted I dont really want), I'm sitting just here not knowing what to do with life or why I should bother
 
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