CursedSoul
Banned
I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and avoiding looking at them
do you know why so and whats the solution to this problem?
do you know why so and whats the solution to this problem?
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I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and looking towards them
- Thread starter CursedSoul
- Start date
Maybe try gazing at the person's forehead and blink a lot. I used to know a nursing instructor who does this. When she talks with people face to face, she would blink numerous times and avoid directly staring into people's eyeballs. She also would look sideways or so every now and then. Just remember that eye contact is valued by Western cultures (i.e. US, Europe), but too much can be a bad thing. Avoid staring at people's eyes/faces to the point where you "drill holes" into them.
I too, once avoided eye contact all together. I was so ashamed of my face that I would look to the side of people or behind them. With the help of medication and therapy, I started getting my confidence back and looking people in the eye. The two go together hand in hand. And trust me once I say this, it will feel uncomfortable at first, but at the end of the day it is a necessary thing. People connect with eye contact, and even if you give ****ty eye contact, the very fact that you're making an effort is a wonderful thing and people WILL appreciate it. People are not scary, and you won't reveal too much about yourself if you give eye contact. It is necessary to give eye contact, a life is not really lived without it. I speak from experience. I spent 3 months not giving any eye contact, not even to my TWIN. My BLOOD. 99.9% the same DNA! It was awful. Now that's all we ever do. 
The first step is looking at the face, not just the eyes, just looking at someones face, any part of it and then slowly fix your way back at the eyes.
Another tip is to look around once in a while, look at the person then look at your environment, if you're sitting in a park, look around, absorb your surroundings, it's very easy to get comfortable this way.
Good luck, I know you can make it through this.
The first step is looking at the face, not just the eyes, just looking at someones face, any part of it and then slowly fix your way back at the eyes. Another tip is to look around once in a while, look at the person then look at your environment, if you're sitting in a park, look around, absorb your surroundings, it's very easy to get comfortable this way.
Good luck, I know you can make it through this.
CursedSoul
Banned
I've actually seen mean people looking at me and laughing at my face like I have no feelings, my feelings got hurt and I became paranoid about looking at people and started dodging glances and eye contacts with people as I feel they'll give that mean smile again and hurt my feelings even more.....!
CursedSoul
Banned
And yeah I also fear looking into other's eyes because I've a constant doubt they'd know my feelings that I'm scared of them...
CursedSoul
Banned
I too, once avoided eye contact all together. I was so ashamed of my face that I would look to the side of people or behind them. With the help of medication and therapy, I started getting my confidence back and looking people in the eye. The two go together hand in hand. And trust me once I say this, it will feel uncomfortable at first, but at the end of the day it is a necessary thing. People connect with eye contact, and even if you give ****ty eye contact, the very fact that you're making an effort is a wonderful thing and people WILL appreciate it. People are not scary, and you won't reveal too much about yourself if you give eye contact. It is necessary to give eye contact, a life is not really lived without it. I speak from experience. I spent 3 months not giving any eye contact, not even to my TWIN. My BLOOD. 99.9% the same DNA! It was awful. Now that's all we ever do.
Another tip is to look around once in a while, look at the person then look at your environment, if you're sitting in a park, look around, absorb your surroundings, it's very easy to get comfortable this way.
Good luck, I know you can make it through this.
Actually this is what I do but it takes a lot of effort and people often catch me trying to improvise the situation..method hasn't worked well yet...
What I've learnt is there isn't one way to give eye contact. Different people apply different methods every day. So what if they catch you improvising? If you wanna get creative when having face to face contact, then do it! Let me tell you that I've noticed differences in everyone's eye contact. People give different degrees of eye contact, some people who don't have SA spend half the conversation looking around, it's nothing to feel ashamed about. Accept yourself and look at it as being creative instead of as a mechanism of masking your fear.
CursedSoul
Banned
Doesn't it feel good while looking into other's eyes? I've had a few experiences where I did gaze directly into their eyes as an experiment with my skills...It felt good and tickled a little but that person came to realize that something was wrong with my attitude and started dodging eye contacts in the first place! What happened to my confidence? Again down to zero! May be I looked into their eyes with too much curiosity that they got intimidated?
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Then ask that person what you did wrong, why he/she is uncomfortable with you gazing at their eyes. Maybe they'll be nice enough to tell you and give you advice.
kristina303
Well-known member
I have a hard time with eye contact. I'll just stare at one of their eyes and then start thinking omg they know I'm only looking at one eye and not both and then I get embarrassed.
CursedSoul
Banned
same here Like i'll keep my focus on only one part of their face and then realize that they must be noticing me do it...then they wipe that area in their face to clean if something was there....there was nothing actually!
CursedSoul
Banned
I hope and wish i could've built enough raport with people to be frank with them...life is still a puzzle for people like me
theslowesthand
Banned
The poll questions puzzled me a bit.
. . No, I feel shy
. . No, I even avoid looking at them
. . Yes, but not for too long
. . Yes, normally
Something like below would have been more suitable? (& in order of severity)
. . Yes, but I'm so shy that i'm hardly ever around people
. . Yes, but I usually avoid looking at them
. . Yes, normally
. . Yes, but not for too long
. . No, I feel shy
. . No, I even avoid looking at them
. . Yes, but not for too long
. . Yes, normally
Something like below would have been more suitable? (& in order of severity)
. . Yes, but I'm so shy that i'm hardly ever around people
. . Yes, but I usually avoid looking at them
. . Yes, normally
. . Yes, but not for too long
Amitush123
Well-known member
Had that problem in the past, and although I am still shy, I do not find any problem maintaining eye contact
theslowesthand
Banned
Why i seldom do eye-contact, maybe a anxiety/trust issue???. All i really know is that i just don't feel my usual sense of "safety" when making eye-contact. I guess people do scare me a lot, in their ways, thoughts, reactions. And also i've been verbally abused/attacked my whole life, so even with family & friends, there is still that slight lack of trust in people.
I'm an intensely private person in real life, and avoid all forms of closeness/intimacy/affection .. perhaps eye-contact is a bit too "close" for comfort?
Also it's stressful, as i don't know logically when to look, how often, for how long, & why even. It's beyond me.
I'm an intensely private person in real life, and avoid all forms of closeness/intimacy/affection .. perhaps eye-contact is a bit too "close" for comfort?
Also it's stressful, as i don't know logically when to look, how often, for how long, & why even. It's beyond me.
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CursedSoul
Banned
I know it won't let me edit the poll once posted
CursedSoul
Banned
Why i seldom do eye-contact, maybe a anxiety/trust issue???. All i really know is that i just don't feel my usual sense of "safety" when making eye-contact. I guess people do scare me a lot, in their ways, thoughts, reactions. And also i've been verbally abused/attacked my whole life, so even with family & friends, there is still that slight lack of trust in people.
I'm an intensely private person in real life, and avoid all forms of closeness/intimacy/affection .. perhaps eye-contact is a bit too "close" for comfort?
Also it's stressful, as i don't know logically when to look, how often, for how long, & why even. It's beyond me.
It felt like i was looking into the mirror when i read your post...
Yeah, I thought it was weird looking into one eye at first but it turns out many people do it. I asked my friends about it and they all do it. I just found this article that says that human nature intends for us to focus on the more dominant eye. See? Perfectly normal! There is no "right" way to look into someone's eye anyway!
Looking at the Dominant Eye | Go Inside Magazine
