I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and looking towards them

[theslowesthand]

It felt like i was looking into the mirror when i read your post...

I feel the same way about your sig - it summarizes my whole people issue perfectly.

I am in my late 30s, but when i see even children handling people with complete ease, then it makes me feel like a completely pathetic human being. Failure in just 1 or 2 areas, such as looks & social, seems to take away a big chunk of general self-esteem & confidence. Society knows this (hence the personal attacks), and i'm starting to accept it as the truth. No matter what else i do, failing in just these 2 areas destines me for a life of heartache. Sad but true, it seems.

 

[theslowesthand]

I know it won't let me edit the poll once posted

You could edit your initial post .. just put the altered poll questions in there, so people can see them when they visit first page. I've done that before; it's better than nothing.

 

[weirdy]

I get really nervous when looking in someone's eyes. Don't know why that is. When I talk to people I try to as much as I can, but catch myself straying away often

 

[CursedSoul]

I feel the same way about your sig - it summarizes my whole people issue perfectly.

I am in my late 30s, but when i see even children handling people with complete ease, then it makes me feel like a completely pathetic human being. Failure in just 1 or 2 areas, such as looks & social, seems to take away a big chunk of general self-esteem & confidence. Society knows this (hence the personal attacks), and i'm starting to accept it as the truth. No matter what else i do, failing in just these 2 areas destines me for a life of heartache. Sad but true, it seems.

Exact pair of problems you mentioned there; these both things are a curse! may be sought out the weak points and then try to improve them one at a time; I tried it but couldn't reach the ultimate perfection in it, still struggling to no success!

 

[CursedSoul]

I get really nervous when looking in someone's eyes. Don't know why that is. When I talk to people I try to as much as I can, but catch myself straying away often

lack of confidence that our fears would be revealed if they could figure whats in our mind through our eyes?

 

[TheTemp]

Eye contact right now is the only remaining part of my social anxiety. And I've been working at it hard every single day. I wanna master it by the end of the year. My life will be perfect not if, but when I do.

 

[CursedSoul]

Eye contact right now is the only remaining part of my social anxiety. And I've been working at it hard every single day. I wanna master it by the end of the year. My life will be perfect not if, but when I do.

How do you reach perfection? because I don't think its possible for me...!
Are you self-conscious about something in your body?

 

[CursedSoul]

Yeah, I thought it was weird looking into one eye at first but it turns out many people do it. I asked my friends about it and they all do it. I just found this article that says that human nature intends for us to focus on the more dominant eye. See? Perfectly normal! There is no "right" way to look into someone's eye anyway!

But what if the most you can do is just looking around the cheeks, chin or lips, even forehead but not eyes at all? I've actually seen people smile at me as if what I was looking at in their face, it made me feel like a crazy fool...!

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I often look at people's mouths when they're talking. I can't lip read (unless I'm able to do it subconsciously) but it seems to help me focus on what they are saying, as well as avoiding the awkwardness of eye contact.

 

[OceanMist]

I would like to add that eye contact literally should be avoided for like 40% of a conversation anyway. You aren't supposed to be staring at the person's eyes the entire time you talk to them, that makes people feel uncomfortable if you do.

I'm not sure if that 40% is right, but the point is that it's normal to not use eye contact throughout much of your day. If you are afraid of eye contact, though, then yes, that could be a prob. Especially if it's with people you know.

I avoid eye contact often when looking at strangers on the street when i walk by them. My eye contact is okay with people i know or that I talk to though.

 

[user deleted]

I can make eye contact when the situation isn't really social, for example a doctor's appointment or a meeting with a tutor, but I find it difficult otherwise. I find it hard to temper the amount of eye-contact I make, I don't know how long to keep eye contact before looking away, so I generally just avoid it. I went through a stage of looking at people's necks until I realised to them it probably seemed like my gaze was directed towards the chest/breast area. Now I try to look at a person's eye brows, it actually looks just like you're making eye contact but it feels less awkward. I know it is difficult sometimes to keep your head up, but try working your way up. I'd start at the chin, though, to avoid making the mistake I made.

 

[findingbeauty]

Re: I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and avoiding looking at them

P.S. The above poll has a typo; original topic was "can you talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact?" and the options are the same!

The question tacked onto the poll asks the question opposite of what you are saying the correct question is and I think most people responded before reading your post. I highly doubt that 12 out of 20 respondents from this forum have no trouble making eye contact. Can we redo the poll?

Also, I only have trouble making eye contact when I'm speaking. When the other person is speaking, I have no trouble making eye contact. I'd be curious of others' experience with that aspect as well.

Thanks.

 

[CursedSoul]

Re: I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and avoiding looking at them

The question tacked onto the poll asks the question opposite of what you are saying the correct question is and I think most people responded before reading your post. I highly doubt that 12 out of 20 respondents from this forum have no trouble making eye contact. Can we redo the poll?

Also, I only have trouble making eye contact when I'm speaking. When the other person is speaking, I have no trouble making eye contact. I'd be curious of others' experience with that aspect as well.

Thanks.

Take a look again even if you took the wrong question and choose any option it'd still make a sense!

 

[LoneW0lf]

Can't make eye contact for more than a couple seconds without feeling really awkward. Big personality's are what i stay from, since they are so strong with eye contact. I feel such an unwanted force when someone is looking at me

 

[findingbeauty]

Re: I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and avoiding looking at them

Take a look again even if you took the wrong question and choose any option it'd still make a sense!

Do you avoid eye contact while talking to someone? "Yes, normally" would mean you don't make eye contact.

VS.

Can you talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact? "Yes normally" would mean you DO make eye contact.

I'm not trying to be a smartass. I think it's great you made this poll. I just think we should redo it to get accurate results.

 

[THeCARS1979]

I do have problems with eye contact too and feel my eyes have to wander.

 

[dancingintherain]

it's at times when I think about eye contact when making eye contact which makes me avoid it... One of the things that troubles me is the fact that you can't hold eye contact for long with a person or it makes them think you're in love with them or makes 'them' feel uncomfortable.. Why are things so complicated!! There are too many social rules -_-

 

[CursedSoul]

it's at times when I think about eye contact when making eye contact which makes me avoid it... One of the things that troubles me is the fact that you can't hold eye contact for long with a person or it makes them think you're in love with them or makes 'them' feel uncomfortable.. Why are things so complicated!! There are too many social rules -_-

Exactly but i think its normal with most people the ones you love you do feel shy with them...

 

[CursedSoul]

Re: I can't talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact and avoiding looking at them

Do you avoid eye contact while talking to someone? "Yes, normally" would mean you don't make eye contact.

VS.

Can you talk to anyone without avoiding eye contact? "Yes normally" would mean you DO make eye contact.

I'm not trying to be a smartass. I think it's great you made this poll. I just think we should redo it to get accurate results.

well lets see...

 

[Engulfed707]

This is such a problem for me. It's weird, I have a harder time looking family members in the eye rather than strangers, don't know why. But it absolutely drives me mad because it sounds like such a simple thing to do... "look me in the eye." Had an argument with mom tonight about it. She just has no idea how difficult it is, and i can't even put it into words.