I'm officially a loner...

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
I just found out the only good friend I have left is moving out-of-province. It was bound to happen. Her family can't stay put. They almost went years ago. They've lived all over the city. It just came up out of nowhere. Two months ago, she was looking for a new apartment, but here, not other cities.

Every friend I've ever had has either moved, or we've just grown apart for whatever reason. She lived a block away during elementary school. Partway through grade seven, first year of junior high, she moved to another area and went to a new school. Meanwhile, the only other friend I had left ditched the both of us to be with new, more cool and popular friends. I managed to make a few new friends the next year, only one of whom is still a friend, but a distant friend at that. We managed to stay friends after she moved (and she's moved many times since then) but it wasn't the same. She met new people. I had some friends during high school but never really any close friends. I still felt like a loner. Even around other friends, at times I felt like I was third-wheeling. I spent six years at university and didn't even make one new friend. The only other friend I've made since then is someone I met on the internet.

So anyway, she's having a birthday/going away party at a lounge Friday night. I was supposed to have that evening off work but I already switched a shift with someone else, so I guess I'll have to go late. Maybe that's for the better cause it's going to be brutally awkward. I'm guessing there are going to be a lot of people there. I've met some of her other friends but they're just acquaintances. I don't know any of them very well. And now I should get some sort of gift. We don't normally give each other birthday gifts but if she's moving away I should get her something. I might just go with a gift card. I don't really know what would make a good going away gift.

As much as I like to be alone, I'm really going to have no social life left after this. We only got together once in a while, but now I'm just never going to go out at all. I'm left with an online friend and a distant friend I don't see much of anymore anyway. (That one is getting married soon and so I expect we'll only grow further apart now.) I've avoided joining facebook all this time but that might be about the only way to stay in touch at all now. She'll probably be back in town at some point. Her brother is still going to be here. But I don't really know if or when that will be. It's not like we can hang out anytime now.
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
Any gift will be good, as long as it's from your heart:). Just buy whatever you think will work.

But, you aren't a loner. If no one else, you still have us. And you shouldn't lose this friend, if she's as good a friend as you're making her out to be. Just make sure you get some way to contact her, like number or her e-mail address. Be sure to talk to her often and the bond between you two shouldn't fade. Maybe the two of you can make plans on meeting together in the future.

As for going out, look around your city for something of interest, like the gym or some clubs (not those types of clubs::p:). See if there's anyone on here or on Facebook, if you choose, to meet up with. You can even try to befriend her brother (if he's not a bad person).
 
I know what you mean and how it feels to be a loner. My question to you is: how hard have you tried to make friends or continue a friendship with somebody? I didn't make friends in college either, but I never spoke in class and I didn't join any clubs. You have to put in some effort. Now I'm joining clubs and meeting people. It is slow-going I will admit, but it's a start.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
Thanks. I really haven't tried that hard to keep friends around, but they haven't really tried either. I'm not turning down invitations to hang out. It works both ways. I was often too busy to make time for friends. I think part of the problem is I've never quite clicked with anyone, except for the one guy I met online. The friends I've had have been decent people, but when I think back I realize there's never been anyone that I had a lot in common with and got along real well with. I've kept this one friend around since we get along well enough. We hang out and talk once in a while. We're not super close and that's fine by me. I just don't want to drift apart completely. I don't like to talk on the phone so the internet is really the only option. I grew apart from some other friends when they stopped using MSN. I'd rather chat online than talk or text. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

I don't really want to go out of my way to try and make new friends at the moment. I don't exactly have the time to join clubs just so I can meet people. There isn't anything I really want to do anyway. Maybe in the future. I never made friends in school because I was usually too shy to talk to people. I likely just seemed aloof and unapproachable. It wouldn't be any different now. It might be nice to meet new people but I guess I don't want to badly enough to try too hard. I think I'd rather just let things happen naturally. I'll see where life takes me. Maybe I can get to know future colleagues or neighbours. But I'm very introverted anyway, so for now, I think I'll just stay in lonerville.
 

dragonoth

Well-known member
Maybe it's time to actually make more of an effort to have some form of social life. I notice that you make excuses for not being social and that's probably what stops you the most from getting social contact. Just because you label yourself as shy, introverted, a bit of a loner etc doesn't mean you will remain friendless for life. It's up to you to give yourself the social life that you seek. Talk more to your friend. Make an effort with people at your workplace. Join some clubs as someone suggested. These things don't just magically happen without you doing anything.
 

MrSunday

Well-known member
I love being alone. Most people don't really like me, with the exception of my parents. Nothing wrong with being alone.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
Ya know I'm sorry I said anything at all. I've been kinda miserable for a couple of days. Now I'm just plain angry. Maybe some of you got the wrong impression but I never said anything about wanting an active social life. I like being alone...most of the time. I'm better off alone and without friends than looking for any excuse to meet people whom I will likely just be indifferent towards anyway.:mad::mad::mad::mad:
 

dragonoth

Well-known member
Hey c'mon, don't take it out on the rest of us. If you want to be alone right now, that's your choice. But you also don't sound too happy about being alone.
 

The Lost

Well-known member
There are times when I feel lonely, but as soon as I realise what got me in that situation, which lead me to feeling sad/angry, as well as where involving myself with others would lead, I prefer being a 'loner'. So often have I befriended people and it ends because I push them away before long, I'm not sure if I can really overcome that so I'm living with what I can deal with.
 

nightcrawler

Well-known member
I know how you feel as I'm in a similar situation. Over the last 10 years or so my circle of friends has gradually dwindled, and is now virtually zero. My best mate - who I've known for close to 30 years - was really the last physical friend I had. I used to see him once a week - whether playing videogames or actually going out. When he got serious with his girlfriend (and her kids) I knew I'd see less of him. First I'd see him a couple of times a month, then - once he moved in with her - it was once every few months. Last time I heard from him was over 3 months ago now - havent even had a text message, call or anything. I know he has this new life & family, but to just "drop" your friends like that isn't very nice. I can't even be bothered to contact him - if he hasn't got time for me why should I bother with him?

As my social circle has dwindled I haven't even bothered to go out and meet new friends. Sure, I have friends at work, but I don't socialise with them. At the end of the day though I know that it's as much my fault as anyone else's that I'm pretty much a loner now.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
Sorry, I've just been kinda bitchy. I'm a little better today.

I know how you feel as I'm in a similar situation. Over the last 10 years or so my circle of friends has gradually dwindled, and is now virtually zero. My best mate - who I've known for close to 30 years - was really the last physical friend I had. I used to see him once a week - whether playing videogames or actually going out. When he got serious with his girlfriend (and her kids) I knew I'd see less of him. First I'd see him a couple of times a month, then - once he moved in with her - it was once every few months. Last time I heard from him was over 3 months ago now - havent even had a text message, call or anything. I know he has this new life & family, but to just "drop" your friends like that isn't very nice. I can't even be bothered to contact him - if he hasn't got time for me why should I bother with him?

As my social circle has dwindled I haven't even bothered to go out and meet new friends. Sure, I have friends at work, but I don't socialise with them. At the end of the day though I know that it's as much my fault as anyone else's that I'm pretty much a loner now.

Yeah, I can relate. My other friend that's getting married - we hung out out and talked more when we were in school. We still talked and texted each other a little after, but not as much. Then one day after I hadn't heard from her in a few months, she sent me a text saying she's engaged. Well, she hadn't even told me she had a boyfriend (even though I was sure I had talked to her since they apparently got together). Then it turned out to be an old friend from high school. I really don't get how you just become a couple after being friends for like, ten or twelve years, but whatever. I was kinda friends with him too for awhile, but mostly we hung out as a group (with a few others). He was a good friend of my ex-boyfriend back then too. This puts me in kind of an awkward position now. Nothing against him, but I was always more of a friend of her. So now I feel weird about even inviting her to hang out. I don't know if I'm obligated to invite him too, or if it's okay not too. So I just don't bother. But like you said, no one's inviting me out either, so it's only half my fault. Also, I've always felt like the longer I go without contacting someone, the harder it gets. And so I just put it off, and hope they'll make the move first, and then it doesn't happen...except maybe when there's suddenly some big news. Then I'm caught off guard and things change. I dread the wedding. I'm not going to know anyone besides her family, and I can't hang off them all night. I don't know them all that well anyway. I won't have a date. I don't even have any male friends to drag along. I'd be a bitch not to go. This is when being a loner really sucks. There are times when I like it, but then it just bites me in the ass.
 

nightcrawler

Well-known member
Sorry, I've just been kinda bitchy. I'm a little better today.



Yeah, I can relate. My other friend that's getting married - we hung out out and talked more when we were in school. We still talked and texted each other a little after, but not as much. Then one day after I hadn't heard from her in a few months, she sent me a text saying she's engaged. Well, she hadn't even told me she had a boyfriend (even though I was sure I had talked to her since they apparently got together). Then it turned out to be an old friend from high school. I really don't get how you just become a couple after being friends for like, ten or twelve years, but whatever. I was kinda friends with him too for awhile, but mostly we hung out as a group (with a few others). He was a good friend of my ex-boyfriend back then too. This puts me in kind of an awkward position now. Nothing against him, but I was always more of a friend of her. So now I feel weird about even inviting her to hang out. I don't know if I'm obligated to invite him too, or if it's okay not too. So I just don't bother. But like you said, no one's inviting me out either, so it's only half my fault. Also, I've always felt like the longer I go without contacting someone, the harder it gets. And so I just put it off, and hope they'll make the move first, and then it doesn't happen...except maybe when there's suddenly some big news. Then I'm caught off guard and things change. I dread the wedding. I'm not going to know anyone besides her family, and I can't hang off them all night. I don't know them all that well anyway. I won't have a date. I don't even have any male friends to drag along. I'd be a bitch not to go. This is when being a loner really sucks. There are times when I like it, but then it just bites me in the ass.

I can definitely relate to the second half of your post, especially the bit I highlighted. The longer it is between you and your friend texting/calling each other then the more awkward it gets. I know my friend's girlfriend was pregnant and is/was due in August - will he contact me with his big news when she has the baby? And how do I respond? Will a simple "congrats" text suffice? Personally I think it will, especially as he knows that I'm not that interested in babies/families etc. And then there's the wedding, which fortunately (for me!) was postponed from this year to whenever due to financial reasons. I haven't even met his gf or her family yet! I'm dreading it...I never have a "plus 1" for these things ::(:
 

Everett

Active member
if he hasn't got time for me why should I bother with him?

Exactly how I feel 99% of the time. Unless something really crazy happens that I HAVE to tell someone about I don't contact anyone and they don't contact me. I'm actually fine with that because I don't really like to text/call people very often anyway. On the other hand, not wanting to contact sucks in that I recently had a falling out with a close friend of mine who then proceeded to tell everyone that I was a sociopath and showed them sites that listed symptoms of sociopathy that fits me. I didn't really care to correct anyone, but they now call me "sociopath" and it does get on my nerves.
 
Wow..is it possible we were separated at birth? I am going through the EXACT same thing as you right now. So i don't have any useful advice, but thought you'd take a little comfort in knowing you are not alone in this situation! I only have one friend, my best friend from high school. I, too, spent 5 years at college, and while I made a few aquaintences, I managed to not make a single friend. My cell phone bill is pathetic. It is clear evidence of how alone I am because no one calls me!

Now my one friend (my only form of social life whatsoever) is moving halfway across the country to start a new job and exciting life. She leaves in 3 weeks. I prefer to be alone most of the time, but she was the only person I could call a friend. I at least had 2-3 things a month to do and felt at least slightly normal. But now I don't have anyone to talk to! I have been at my current job now for 5 months and have not made a single friend.

So hey if you wanna talk to someone going through the same thing, send me a message.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
Wow..is it possible we were separated at birth? I am going through the EXACT same thing as you right now. So i don't have any useful advice, but thought you'd take a little comfort in knowing you are not alone in this situation! I only have one friend, my best friend from high school. I, too, spent 5 years at college, and while I made a few aquaintences, I managed to not make a single friend. My cell phone bill is pathetic. It is clear evidence of how alone I am because no one calls me!

Now my one friend (my only form of social life whatsoever) is moving halfway across the country to start a new job and exciting life. She leaves in 3 weeks. I prefer to be alone most of the time, but she was the only person I could call a friend. I at least had 2-3 things a month to do and felt at least slightly normal. But now I don't have anyone to talk to! I have been at my current job now for 5 months and have not made a single friend.

So hey if you wanna talk to someone going through the same thing, send me a message.

I hear ya. I'm sure it's something many people have been through. It's just a lot worse when you don't really have other friends. I was kinda depressed for a few days and then I got over it for now. I think it's gonna hit me in a few months when I realize going out once in a while is no longer an option.

anxiousnut said:
My cell phone bill is pathetic.
I'm on pay as you go. I used to buy a $10 card that's good for 30 days, and as long as you refill before it expires you keep your unused minutes. Fortunately there's now a $100 card that's good for a year, so for me it's like two free months. Over time I stockpiled about $180 worth of airtime or something ridiculous like that. The company had some promotion where you could trade in unused airtime for and extension of your expiry date. So instead of having to just buy another $100 worth, I had my balance reduced by $100 and the remaining balance was extended for another year. I'm pretty sure I'll still have plenty of minutes left by the time it does expire. The little amount that I do use is from occasional calls to and from home and a few texts here and there. I never talk on the phone with friends.
 
<insert fb rant>
Hate it or hate it, its a way to stay in touch with people (or at least presents the potential means to do so)
 
Ive Been agoraphobic for 5 years. Months and months would go by without uttering a single word, my vocal chords are weak, and its hard for people to hear me, even when I really try to be loud. I eventually broke out of it, due to medicine and willpower, learned to drive, had relationships, loved lost, experienced the basics of life, summarily, but now it seems I've sunk back into that pit, but this time it's worse, because I know what I am missing, and when you try and fail to make friends, over and over again, it gets hopeless.
 
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