You are only what other people think you are

[KiaKaha]

Do you believe this to be true?
I think there is some truth to this statement. I know I have brought it up before but I think the way that people see you (the way others pecieve you - or think they know what you are like) will greatly determine to how they will treat you, sometimes limiting you in your potential or opportunity presented to you.

So I ask you - do you believe that the way other people percieve, based on the impression you give about yourself and whether they be right or wrong about it - determines your identity and what is offered and open to you in life?

(and yes - I will argue the point if you happen to believe the opposite)

 

[cowboyup]

to an extent, yes. In the past when I've interacted with people more, and they figure out I have SA they tend to back away or not include me in - for example- get togethers simply because they think I would not want to do that.
Sometimes it would be true, but I think in the past if given the opportunity, I would have liked to be included or at least invited instead of left out, if that makes sense.

 

[market.garden]

Yeah I think there's some truth to that, but for me, on a personal level anyway, 'You're only what you think other people think you are' is more apt.

 

[Silatuyok]

Nope. In some ways I'm way more than what people think I am. In some ways I am less. Either way, it doesn't make much difference in how I live my life.

 

[KiaKaha]

What about examples like discriminatory hiring practices (one example of many I can think of) Lets say - you are qualified for a job, have the relevant experience etc... yet the hiring manager doesnt like something about you. Whether it be your religion, appearance, skin colour. The person who has the power to provide you with employment only sees what they want to see about you - due to their own bias, prejudice etc - despite anything else you have to offer and therefore will deny you opportunity.

In that respect, it does effect your life.

 

[monkeyman]

I agree with the first part that the way other people see you will determine how they treat you. But I disagree with the second part where that determines your identity and limits your potential or what you can do.

I think that ultimately you are what you and only you think you are and believe you will be. Here's why. No matter how hard they try others can't change you. Only you can change yourself and become what you want to be. Yes they do have a perception of you, which is simply their personal perception. But only you can guide your life and where it goes through the power of your own belief and become who and what you want to be.

For example, say someone thinks you are mean and they tell you this. But you believe you are not mean and act in ways which are generally quite nice. If you believe you are not mean and you want to be nice you will act in ways to prove that. Then other people, and not just you, will eventually realize that you are a nice person. But no matter how much one person thinks you are mean, it does not prove that you are actually mean. And that person can't make you into a mean person just because they think you are. But you can make yourself into a nice person if you think you are and believe you want to be a nice person. So it's not their opinion that ultimately determines your identity or limits your potential, but your opinion.

Discrimination is slightly different in my mind and yes I agree that will determine how some people treat you. That is just wrong. It is not a perception of you, but of what they think you will be like because you are black, short, pregnant or whatever. In that case, you could either challenge that person's perception of all black people, or choose not to be around that person and find another opportunity. In my opinion, the second option is almost always the best choice in this case the way the world is today.

Ultimately, in the world today, I don't think discrimination from one person determines your identity or limits what you can do. It just makes it so that you can't do what you want around people in power who are pejudiced. It might not seem like it, but their are many opportunities in the world today; way more than ever before.*Just because one person is prejudiced does not mean that you can't be who you want to be and do what you want to do. That is determined by you and only you. By the way you choose to react and by your belief about who you are and what you will do.

 

[Silatuyok]

But I've also been hired for jobs because the employer discriminated in my favor, whether it be because of my appearance, my contacts, or how I presented myself. As far as I'm concerned, these kinds of things can go either way, and in my personal experience they seem to balance out pretty well in my life. I don't see in use in dwelling over the times when things didn't go in my favor.

 

[hidwell]

But I've also been hired for jobs because the employer discriminated in my favor, whether it be because of my appearance, my contacts, or how I presented myself. As far as I'm concerned, these kinds of things can go either way, and in my personal experience they seem to balance out pretty well in my life. I

But this is because you are a cutie pie.::

 

[bcsr]

other people can go fly a kite. i'm awesome.

 

[Hoppy]

I'm perfect.

If I have to take my sense of self-worth from people I do not have respect for I would be a rather pathetic person.

If I improve myself in order to win the respect of people I have respect for, then it is still rather pathetic.

All I can do is improve myself until I have respect for myself.

 

[Srijita52]

Yeah, I think its true to an extend but then again it depends on the person and how much they care about what others think of them. Various people might have different perceptions of us as well depending on how much they know us and under which situations they're meeting us. A person who's uptight with his employees might be more laid back with his friends. So the people from these two situations will have a different idea of him. But in general though, I think other's opinion matter.

 

[hidwell]

A persons perception of you I feel is based largely on appearance, are you in shape do you have good skin and teeth. And the way you carry yourself are you confident, so if you are lacking in these fundamental qualities undoubtedly you will be judged harshly which will in turn affect your self esteem and the way you interact with others. A shallow and judgemental society indeed.

 

[KiaKaha]

But I've also been hired for jobs because the employer discriminated in my favor, whether it be because of my appearance, my contacts, or how I presented myself. As far as I'm concerned, these kinds of things can go either way, and in my personal experience they seem to balance out pretty well in my life. I don't see in use in dwelling over the times when things didn't go in my favor.

But that is exactly my point.
Whether or not it goes in ones favour is moot - the fact is that everyone makes sense and sees things in a particular way, whether it be the truth or not. If, by the example given - someone hires you, it is because they have an impression of you. No one is ever going to know who you really are because no one is going to experience the world in exactly the same way as you and all of us have our own biases and prejudices towards things that are unfamiliar.
It's exactly the same if someone likes you initially - they do so because they are seeing you in a favourable light - not because of any objective reasoning.

Dwelling on this is entirely different issue - while some would accept that it is pointless, I think on the other hand it raises awareness and questions our motivation.

 

[KiaKaha]

For example, say someone thinks you are mean and they tell you this. But you believe you are not mean and act in ways which are generally quite nice. If you believe you are not mean and you want to be nice you will act in ways to prove that. Then other people, and not just you, will eventually realize that you are a nice person. But no matter how much one person thinks you are mean, it does not prove that you are actually mean. And that person can't make you into a mean person just because they think you are. But you can make yourself into a nice person if you think you are and believe you want to be a nice person. So it's not their opinion that ultimately determines your identity or limits your potential, but your opinion.

You could be a nice person all you want though - the thing is with people is that they tend to all stick together kind of like a collective mob mentality. What *if* no one does realizes that you are 'nice' - because of an attached stigma or prejudice toward you? You could be nice till the cows come home, but if someone has made their mind up about you then being nice is completely negated, even if you really are.

Just because one person is prejudiced does not mean that you can't be who you want to be and do what you want to do. That is determined by you and only you. By the way you choose to react and by your belief about who you are and what you will do.

You spoke of people in power. We can look at this from a micro or macro perspective. People in power can be prejudiced and they may see things that are biased that could affect entire groups of people. Just look at the whole gay marriage thing. You have politicians in power who think that it's wrong - and will bestow their personal belief onto an entire populace. So in that respect (and again just one of many examples) you cant do what you want to do.

I think Bill Hicks said it best "You are free - to do what we tell you"

It's an unfortunate part of the human condition - perhaps if we just thought and cared about this just a little more, maybe it wouldnt be such a problem.

 

[1BlackSheep]

other people can go fly a kite. i'm awesome.

You go with your bad self, bcsr!!!

 

[mikebird]

I have the inverse.

Nobody ever has, or ever will tell me what they think of me.

I get nothing detrimental, or even praise, or any opinion at all, even when I ask them. I guess all family, friends, girlfriends or employers, nurses, doctors or psychologists ever say anything. No comment. Null.

Maybe they are scared, or think 'they're helping' or 'being nice' by saying nothing.

By looking away, ignoring and rejecting me... it hurts ::

I could build a real future, if anyone says anything bad; I can make changes and make me better

 

[Lea]

I am not what other people think I am, that´s a BS. How could I be defined by some idiot I superficially meet, who knows nothing about the depths of my soul. I don´t even expect ppl to understand me this way in a day to day life, in that regard I am expendable piece of meat (like everyone else) and I accept it. It´s fine, that´s life. So you can be disqualified for not meeting the requirements in a job for example or some (even minor) personality flaw. But it´s not to be taken personally.

 

[KiaKaha]

^^ but that is exactly what I am saying. How can someone know what a person is like... we dont - but we all like to think that we do based on very circumstantial evidence. No one can know the depths of someones soul - instead we asess, judge and dismiss.

If someone makes their mind up about you, then to that person... that is what you are, even if they are completely wrong. Scale it up a bit and you have problems like racism, segregation and other kinds of social ills.

 

[Kat]

I am not what other people think I am, that´s a BS. How could I be defined by some idiot I superficially meet, who knows nothing about the depths of my soul. I don´t even expect ppl to understand me this way in a day to day life, in that regard I am expendable piece of meat (like everyone else) and I accept it. It´s fine, that´s life. So you can be disqualified for not meeting the requirements in a job for example or some (even minor) personality flaw. But it´s not to be taken personally.

Everyone makes an excellent point but I like this one the best.

 

[Canis lupus]

What people think of you will definitally leave a mark. For example if almost everyone, even your own family and friends keep telling you your believes are idiotic it will change you. Or you start to believe them and start thinking you are an idiot or you become angry because you never get any respect or you just stay quiet although you're someone who likes to go into discussions and stand up for your believes. In all 3 cases you change because of what people think of you. When you go to 30-40 jobinterviews and you never get the job because you have the wrong skincolor or the wrong motherlanguage you become bitter. When people are constantly telling you you're too skinny, too fat or ugly you become very self conscious about it and so on. It's not going to form your entire personality but it is going to change certain aspects of it.