Never had friends...

Daniel089

Well-known member
Hi all!

I'm gonna tell you the story of my social life, It won't be just a few sentences though. I am just curious of what others here think of me and what they may reply to me...
First off my age is 23 this summer.
I never really had friends, people that I can hang out with, even If I had some "buddies" when I was around 13. At high school I was like someone who doesn't even exist among my classmates, because I was too shy to start a conversation, and too unexperienced to get out of it without embarrasment, or me saying something completely stupid discouraging me to continue... I attended field trips, I even went on 3 parties with my classmates during the 4 years.
Now it's past 4 years since high school, I am studying in a technical university in Budapest, where I do know people, only guys, but we never speak of anything else than study stuff, but they don't seem to mind it at all... And in my life I can count the times on my 2 hands when I hanged out with people like in a bar or a club or so.
The city where I always lived in (Budapest) has 1,8 million people and I am really alone, it's quite odd isn't it?
I don't have confidence to hang out with people. I am dying to get friends, talk to girls, my wildest dream ever is to get a girlfriend and keep her happy.
It was a few weeks ago when things turned out bad. I began to be extremely jealous on human relationships, on people who love each other, who I see on the streets, they turn out to be some kind of enemies in my head, and when I see them I get angry, I feel attacked. I also think too much of these things, then I start shedding tears, because I think of my miserable life.
I was seriously thinking on going on cognitive therapies that might help me...
You may think I'm a fool, and why I just don't have the guts to start something on my own... The reason is: I'm probably more afraid of failure, than anything... And failures would happen a lot if I'd finally start my social life...
 
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Boby

Well-known member
Hi Daniel and welcome to the forum.
Well first off all I have to say this:nobody here will think you are a fool so speak what you have on your mind mate.
Also you are not alone ,I can definitely relate to you,I'm almost the same age as you (22) ,I am studying in a technical university too(well I studied,today I had the last course ,I only have to take the rest of exams now) and like you I don't have many friends and I don't have a girlfriend(never had one to be more accurate)....ohh and I live in a rather big city too and no I don't find it odd that I'm such a social loser.
So you are not alone mate and don't forget people here wont judge you.Enjoy your stay on the forum:).
 

fedupoffear88

Well-known member
Dude, first of all welcome to SPB!
BTW, I feel like that all the time! I have shed tears a couple of times or very close to many other times, but I tell myself tomorrow is another day! If this makes you feel better, I am in a worst position than you as recently about 1.5 yrs ago, I had an eye infection due to contact lens wear and now my left eye is a little messed up! I have droopy eyelid most of the time, and when I am in public I am extremely self-conscious about it and my anxiety overpowers me. And my eye starts to swell, become dry and looks off position! Now, I would suppose you don't have problems like that. The reason I am telling you this is because, you gotta realize that things can be much worse and that there are some people who are always less fortunate than yourself! That applies to me to! I know this is an unusual take on your problem but this is how I think these days, and hence I am telling you the same.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Hi Daniel, welcome to the forum.
You're not a fool at all, I'm sorry you're going through all this. I can relate to you about the fear of faliure. That's the reason I never start anything new either. But I guess faliure's just a part of doing something new, sure you might make a lot of mistakes at first but you'll also learn from them as you get better. Taking the first step is always hard. I think therapy's a good idea if you're considering it. It might be helpful. Good luck :)
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Yep, I feel the same way. I get stuck with the "shy/quiet girl" label wherever I go, and I never can seem to break out of it. I get really jealous of people when they can chit chat and get along with each other, especially at work. I just want to be able to be friendly with people, because I'm a really nice person, honest!
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Yep, I feel the same way. I get stuck with the "shy/quiet girl" label wherever I go, and I never can seem to break out of it. I get really jealous of people when they can chit chat and get along with each other, especially at work. I just want to be able to be friendly with people, because I'm a really nice person, honest!
^You are a very nice person and I'm sure people would benifit from getting to know you. Its awful when nice people get ignored.
 
Hi Daniel,

Welcome on SPW. :)

I'm sorry to hear you don't have any friends 'right now' I'm really sorry. I just posted a thread here about the same misery. I know how much it hurts and I get the same jealousy when people walk by sometimes, it's very unpleasant and embarrassing to 'feel' like that, but hey, you miss it a lot so it's no wonder. And it might hurt, but you just have to get through action to get there. I know, I know it's hard, but that's the only road led to friends. You could look for friends online though in your region (or outside when loving travelling or online friends, even that company could be nice!:)) and you can go to a sport club, a volunteer job, study in the library when you need to make homework, ask a network coach.. (that's what I got as advice, it's still hard i know) But the tips might help you too :)
 

Daniel089

Well-known member
Hi Daniel,

Welcome on SPW. :)

I'm sorry to hear you don't have any friends 'right now' I'm really sorry. I just posted a thread here about the same misery. I know how much it hurts and I get the same jealousy when people walk by sometimes, it's very unpleasant and embarrassing to 'feel' like that, but hey, you miss it a lot so it's no wonder. And it might hurt, but you just have to get through action to get there. I know, I know it's hard, but that's the only road led to friends. You could look for friends online though in your region (or outside when loving travelling or online friends, even that company could be nice!:)) and you can go to a sport club, a volunteer job, study in the library when you need to make homework, ask a network coach.. (that's what I got as advice, it's still hard i know) But the tips might help you too :)

You know I would hang out with my university mates if I had the guts to do it. But they are so not like me. I never told anything personal to them about myself only. I can't say I need a friend who is just as quite as me, because friends like those barely exist, but on the other hand it's absolutely not a bad idea to have friends who always hang out in bar, clubs, house parties, etc...
I just want to be myself, because I can't be right now...
And by the time I'll get a girlfriend I don't want to say to her, that I have no social life, I don't hang out with anyone, I just sit in my small room in my home, in front of my computer, doing this and that... Although I would be interested in girls who are outgoing but quiet, because I would "catch up" with that...
 

mart22n

Well-known member
You have two choices over the upcoming years: 1) stay like this, not talking about yourself and your real thoughts to anyone, and thus having ***NO SOCIAL LIFE***. 2) talk about things and your problems to people, see how they respond, get used to how people respond to what you're saying, starting to have fun with people => starting to have a social life eventually (the more you let yourself fail in the beginning, the sooner you'll get your social life and girls). I've been there, but I'm much better now.

Remember: waiting and being quiet doesn't solve anything. Do you want to die as a loner? How bad do you want a social life? HOW BAD? I'm sure you start taking some action, I hope it's sooner than later. As an older wise man told me, talking is like dancing - in the beginning you may get rejected and laughed at and ridiculed and even yelled at, but keep doing it till you get better and better!
 

Valhalla

Well-known member
I can relate to some aspects of your story. The big advantage you have is the city you live in and that you managed to create contact with some of the people you study with. You can do things from one, or both of these. Trying to watch a movie with one of the people from your class doesn't require much, proposing the idea is the hardest part. It might even become a routine.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I have had few friends in my life. The friends I have made, they initiated the friendship with me.
 
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