Aletheia
Well-known member
After my breakdown I spent 18 months at an inpatient facility which tore down all my many defenses and tried to relay the foundations of my psyche. With mixed success.
Perhaps the most important lesson for me came about in a circuitous manner. The staff were constantly telling me to "stop acting" and it took me the better part of a year to figure out what they meant, which was that I was constantly trying to be whatever I thought the people around me wanting me to be, rather than being myself. This realization led to panic: what was I supposed to be, if not what others wanted? If I dropped the act, what would be left behind the mask?
I was lost until one of my fellow patients said, "I know who you are Kate, you like coffee." Yeah, it really is that simple. Tune into your natural responses and all else follows, not a painted simulacrum, but life itself.
Perhaps the most important lesson for me came about in a circuitous manner. The staff were constantly telling me to "stop acting" and it took me the better part of a year to figure out what they meant, which was that I was constantly trying to be whatever I thought the people around me wanting me to be, rather than being myself. This realization led to panic: what was I supposed to be, if not what others wanted? If I dropped the act, what would be left behind the mask?
I was lost until one of my fellow patients said, "I know who you are Kate, you like coffee." Yeah, it really is that simple. Tune into your natural responses and all else follows, not a painted simulacrum, but life itself.