does Facebook stir anxiety? Experiences to share?

[cowboyup]

I had a facebook account and deleted it because of stupid, petty things like looking at all the fun things my "friends" posted, photographed, etc. made me jealous, sad, depressed - basically just the opposite of what it is supposed to do - make one feel closer to people, or whatever the frack it is!

I am in college, and one of my classmates simply said, oh I'll hit you up on facebook. I turned beet red, lowered my head and said I didn't have one (like I was ashamed? - that's stupid right there) well, dang, that started a snowball. the girl just had to say, YOU DON'T HAVE ONE? (like I was committing some crime....and I quietly said, no. at which point the teacher goes, "who doesn't have a facebook" .... really? is this actually happening in this day and age? I was mortified to say the least. I'd much rather poke my eyes out with swizzle sticks at that point.

to the point.....so I got brave and just opened one back up and got 1 friend request from someone who does phenomenal photography, always goes places, has tons of friends (and even more "real" friends haha) well....bad bad idea.
So I was sitting here trying to adjust all the privacy settings, and I left all the other spaces blank because I do not know what to say and I don't really want anyone knowing that much about me ..... but I get looking at my 'friend's page and well, here I am -- my heart started to palpitate, I get this "great, I am such a looser compared to these people"
"I have no idea why I am no here, I don't belong on here, I am not interesting" ..... and I actually had a moment where I was quite certain I'd had a anxiety attack.
People, This is downright stupid! I feel more of an idiot for going through that than not having one - I was perfectly content not having a page. Now, just hours later, I'm contemplating deleting it forever.

anyone ever go through this or am I the only completely insane person?
I thought I was supposed to have a good time, so what the hell is my Frackin problem??

thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Moo]

It does with me, definitely. I was actually thinking about this eariler. It's hard seeing all these people I know (well.. knew at one point) doing all sorts of interesting things whereas I'm just sat around being predicatble me. I never have anything to say... and when something actually does happen in my life from time to time I can't bring myself to share it because I'm convinced no one cares.

If you're happy without a page then don't have one. It will probably cut out a lot of stress. I might do the same at some point. Like you, I was content without one. I value privacy. I find it relaxing when I know people don't know everything about me and stressful when it's reversed.

You're not completely insane. Or if you are completely insane you're not the only one. ::

 

[Etbow23]

I feel the same anxiety as you do about Facebook. I've just decided to not go on that much, and when I do, just remind myself that everyone likes to put on a show about who they are; i'm sure not all of them have perfect lives like they like to project.

I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm jealous--jealous I don't have the means nor confidence to go lots of cool places, and that I'll never have a high number of friends on my facebook or people to respond to all my posts. Oh well.

 

[Kiwong]

I have no trouble with facebook. It is face to face interaction that causes me problems.

 

[Silatuyok]

I am continuously tempted to delete my facebook. In fact, a while ago I did, and stayed off it for about six months, then made a new account. I hate the idea of facebook, but I feel resigned to it, because it is the accepted mode of sharing life's moments with people I care about. When I am off facebook, I don't know what my sisters are up to every day, and I know they like to keep up with my shenanigans as well. I just hate that it is considered rude not to add other family members or people I know, just because they know me. If I could get away with having only four or five friends, I'd be just as happy.

Anyway, I am going mostly offline in 2012 (10 more days!!!), so obsessing over facebook will be a thing of the past for the time being.

 

[cowboyup]

It does with me, definitely. I was actually thinking about this eariler. It's hard seeing all these people I know (well.. knew at one point) doing all sorts of interesting things whereas I'm just sat around being predicatble me. I never have anything to say... and when something actually does happen in my life from time to time I can't bring myself to share it because I'm convinced no one cares.

If you're happy without a page then don't have one. It will probably cut out a lot of stress. I might do the same at some point. Like you, I was content without one. I value privacy. I find it relaxing when I know people don't know everything about me and stressful when it's reversed.

You're not completely insane. Or if you are completely insane you're not the only one. ::

yup think I'll be the dork again and just delete it. and to be honest, I really don't have time to update it (with what I don't know) -- I mean I have to watch a 3 yr old m-f so I really don't have any business messing with it, right? LOL
that's my point and I'm sticking to it!

 

[cowboyup]

I am continuously tempted to delete my facebook. In fact, a while ago I did, and stayed off it for about six months, then made a new account. I hate the idea of facebook, but I feel resigned to it, because it is the accepted mode of sharing life's moments with people I care about. When I am off facebook, I don't know what my sisters are up to every day, and I know they like to keep up with my shenanigans as well. I just hate that it is considered rude not to add other family members or people I know, just because they know me. If I could get away with having only four or five friends, I'd be just as happy.

Anyway, I am going mostly offline in 2012 (10 more days!!!), so obsessing over facebook will be a thing of the past for the time being.

Sweet Marie, Yes, I see what you mean...I did resign to it actually out of almost peer pressure it seemed. You have some family you keep up with and that's great - that would be more of a reason for me to stick with it, but for me, I don't have any family (parents dead) my brother can not reveal his real self on it cuz he does undercover work and my grandparents (bless their heart) are pushing 90 so ....

It's funny, some people can mess around with it real well, no worries, then some obsess (me) - I guess as with everything, some things people can do and some things people can not do - if that makes sense.

 

[Silatuyok]

Sweet Marie, Yes, I see what you mean...I did resign to it actually out of almost peer pressure it seemed. You have some family you keep up with and that's great - that would be more of a reason for me to stick with it, but for me, I don't have any family (parents dead) my brother can not reveal his real self on it cuz he does undercover work and my grandparents (bless their heart) are pushing 90 so ....

It's funny, some people can mess around with it real well, no worries, then some obsess (me) - I guess as with everything, some things people can do and some things people can not do - if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense. I don't know anyone aside from this forum who has any (emotional) issues with facebook...and yet I am always on the verge of being completely disgusted with it. Other people just don't understand that at all!

 

[cowboyup]

I have no trouble with facebook. It is face to face interaction that causes me problems.

Kiwong - that's good you have no problems with it. With face to face interaction which is a problem for you, something like Facebook would be a great tool!
I think for me I have such a huge inferiority complex/low self esteem that what Facebook's main purpose or goal is that it just overrides in my mind and I just don't get it....I know I'm not explaining this right but I think you get the jist of it.

And WHY I would feel inferior or low self esteem over some silly internet thing, I have no clue, but am quite certain if I had that answer, I'd cure cancer too! LOL

 

[coyote]

see the ice above water? that's the stuff on Facebook

see the penguins? those are their Facebook "friends"

see all the ominous crap under the water? that's the stuff they don't want you to see

 

[Silatuyok]

^haha, that's an awesome analogy, and so true!

 

[Kiwong]

Kiwong - that's good you have no problems with it. With face to face interaction which is a problem for you, something like Facebook would be a great tool!
I think for me I have such a huge inferiority complex/low self esteem that what Facebook's main purpose or goal is that it just overrides in my mind and I just don't get it....I know I'm not explaining this right but I think you get the jist of it.

And WHY I would feel inferior or low self esteem over some silly internet thing, I have no clue, but am quite certain if I had that answer, I'd cure cancer too! LOL

I am on facebook, haven't been very active there of late. I actually find it easy to communicate and be myself where my friends aren't exposed to my anxiety person to person. I would fear meeting them in real life.

I guess the problem with facebook is when it stops being a social networking site and starts being seen as a social status site.

 

[cowboyup]

see the ice above water? that's the stuff on Facebook

see the penguins? those are their Facebook "friends"

see all the ominous crap under the water? that's the stuff they don't want you to see

LOL! Great one Coyote! Thanks for the laugh!

I just deleted it after fiddling for an hour with the stupid privacy settings, I'm done, the Kardashian marriage lasted longer than my facebook stint!

 

[cowboyup]

I am on facebook, haven't been very active there of late. I actually find it easy to communicate and be myself where my friends aren't exposed to my anxiety person to person. I would fear meeting them in real life.

I guess the problem with facebook is when it stops being a social networking site and starts being seen as a social status site.

That's true and where I live the whole city is about social status and that kinda sucks when everything is about social status - the who, what, where, when, why of 'the know'.

 

[MikeyC]

Anyway, I am going mostly offline in 2012 (10 more days!!!), so obsessing over facebook will be a thing of the past for the time being.

It will be sad to see you not there, Marie, but I understand your reasoning.

 

[1BlackSheep]

see the ice above water? that's the stuff on Facebook

see the penguins? those are their Facebook "friends"

see all the ominous crap under the water? that's the stuff they don't want you to see

 

[twiggle]

I have a lot to say about Facebook :: My anxiety is worse online, I find it easier in real life for some reason.

Anyway, yeah I get what you mean about feeling inadequate when you look at somebody's else's page but most of the people who have commented on this thread are right - people just treat their profile as a blank canvas upon which they can paint their lives in any such way they wish. They'll post statuses about the positive, but never the negative. They'll put up the good photos, but not that bad ones. And in some cases they'll add anyone they ever said hello to just to look 'popular'. Are these kind of people really leading better lives than the people who put more thought into their real life than their Facebook profile?

I've known people who literally live through Facebook, their relationships narrated through a variety of status updates from the sweet beginning to the bitter ends. Are our lives really that processed now that everything we do must be accounted for with a stupid Facebook update? And does verification of our lives really have to come from how many people 'thumb up' our status?
I don't understand how people can treat it as such.

About the feeling of inadequacy - I used to find myself getting a bit jealous when I saw what other people were up to and writing to etc but then I felt bad because being jealous is a nasty trait indeed. To be honest, I think if we're not happy with our lives then we're the only people that can change that - irrespective of what other people are doing on Facebook.

The thing that actually makes me anxious most about Facebook is being deleted. It seems a bit mad that these friendships can just be terminated at the click of a button. Even if it's somebody you haven't spoken to in a while... I think it's a bit unnecessary and kinda says "I don't care if we never meet again"

I often hate Facebook and think the new timeline is the most stupid thing ever. In fact if Facebook where to die out completely, I probably wouldn't care. The only reason I like it is because it enables me to keep up with what all my friends abroad are doing in one convenient website. I think for people in high school who see most of the people they'd add on there everyday anyway... Facebook isn't really necessary.

Facebook is very contrived and narcissistic but I must say, it can be tailored to suit people's needs a lot now. Hiding people from the newsfeed is a god-send of a feature and means no exposure to attention-seekers, and it's also good to hide things on the profile. I hid my friends count the day after my friend came round and said "That's not fair, you have over a hundred more friends than I do" I know she was only joking and wasn't even saying anything rude, but I cba with people judging me from one stupid page.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I've not really made a proper argument for or against it... but then again that probably sums up my opinion towards FB anyway. Can live with it, can live without it.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I think that it only feels like that when you feel like you're not where you want to be with your life. If you were out being productive in things that you love, in the place that you one day wish to be in life, would it still feel like that? I'm not saying that you're not doing enough, I'm just saying that it could be contrasting what you want with what you don't have. Maybe facebook is showing you something that you want but don't have.

But I feel the same way. Facebook makes me feel like a loser. Not because I'm jealous of people's lives (well, okay, a little) but more so because i'm jealous that people have found a place of safety and feeling of belonging in their live in a way that I don't understand, not through awareness, or health, or love (although sometimes love is a part of it so that's cool) but rather reputation and ego.

If you want what they have, you can use the negative feelings you get from facebook and look at it as it is where you are in life in comparison to where you want to be. The negative feeling of this can be turned into motivation.

Or if facebook makes you feel bad just because it brings out ALL of your negative self talk, you can see it as a way to bring out your negative thoughts when you want to challenge them or practice becoming more aware of them. Or, you can just delete your account again.


A lot of us may have a lot of regrets on display on facebook.. Old friends to be precise. Somehow viewing their pictures makes it way harder for us to forgive ourselves. It can be useful if you are in the process of trying to forgive and you need to face the reality that people have moved on, but if you're not at this point it's just like beating yourself up everytime you scan the picures

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I have a love/hate relationship with FB. I kept fighting against getting a FB. But sadly, it is now just too weird not to have one, and I don't want people questioning me. So, I stopped fighting. I got an account in April... deactivated it during the summer...but I have been updating and "participating" there now, making an effort. My account is here to stay for the moment being. I do remember suffering a lot of anxiety when I opened an account. It was overwhelming. It lessened as time went by.

Hiding people from the newsfeed is a god-send of a feature and means no exposure to attention-seekers, and it's also good to hide things on the profile. I hid my friends count the day after my friend came round and said "That's not fair, you have over a hundred more friends than I do" I know she was only joking and wasn't even saying anything rude, but I cba with people judging me from one stupid page.

After you mentioned hiding people from the newsfeed on another thread here, I did just that and it has been working out well. I have also deleted people. I hope I did not hurt anyone's feelings with that, but it just makes me really uncomfortable having people I don't know really well seeing my stuff and never interacting with me on there. I see no point in that. I feel they just added me to boost their numbers!

I have also hid my friend's list...but I have had people make comments about my friend count anyway. It is annoying. I read an article on Psychology Today that said 302 friends is the ideal number to have, any less is pathetic and any more is desperate. In the comments a lot of people disagreed with that number both ways. My number is way, way smaller than 302. But I did expect that...I never did bother to keep in touch with people. In getting a FB my goal was to have a way to keep in touch with people I would meet in the future. I have added new friends...I hope to keep meeting new people...online and in the real world

I think that it only feels like that when you feel like you're not where you want to be with your life. If you were out being productive in things that you love, in the place that you one day wish to be in life, would it still feel like that? I'm not saying that you're not doing enough, I'm just saying that it could be contrasting what you want with what you don't have. Maybe facebook is showing you something that you want but don't have.

I really like what you have said there. I agree 100%. In a weird way FB, along with other factors, is motivating me to do things with my life I had not really considered before...like moving. I just want to live my life already and do what I want to do. Sometimes you need an audience...people watching to get you moving and doing things. Well, perhaps not for everyone, but for me it is the case. Like doing lots of cleaning before someone comes to visit. It keeps you moving, that pressure. It is what I have been lacking, having no social life all these years...I have just gotten too passive and content with this hermit lifestyle. FB has been like that reality check I desperately needed.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Also, a common complaint about FB is how people always make their lives look good and don't post anything negative. So, would it be better to write negative, depressing updates? I have a cousin who is constantly writing these sad posts about her marriage. It is awkward. I can never "like" those posts, and I never know what to write, so I just leave it. The funny thing is that we met up for dinner one night, and she did not say anything negative about her marriage. Obviously she was not comfortable talking about it in person, but why do it on FB when so many people can see? I just don't get it.