I want a date !

C

Clown

Well-known member
another rant of me , im nearly 21 and never dated a single girl once... Im not ugly or something some girls find my attractive But I never go out so there is no chance.. and even there was a chance the conversation would stop afhter 5 min's because then im talked out and nothing to say anymore then I go ask stupid questions to keep the conversation going..
I readed some post around this forum and some guys went out with 10+ women and im thinking how is this even possible are they not just on the wrong forum and are just actually shy and not socialphobic.
 
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C

Clown

Well-known member
If there was only a socialphobic girl around here in my town :) my chances of getting a date would be much easier.. but no girl says that they have sa... damn it
 
Piece_By_Piece

Piece_By_Piece

Well-known member
Well I'm a girl. And I have SA. And I'm 17. And a virgin. But... I don't really know what I'm aiming at.
 
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OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
I have the same problem. Of course, the obvious solution would be to "just go out," but I know that it's not that easy. Going out requires having friends, unless you are okay with being the lone ranger at a bar and hitting on women by yourself. I don't have the courage to do that by myself.

Online dating is a possible solution, and is much easier to attempt to meet women, because you don't have to say anything in person until you meet them a date, which they can agree to without even verbally talking to you. There are two big downsides to online dating for men, the ratio is about 2:1 men to women, and the men are the aggressors as they are in person usually, so women receive the majority of messages while men must send the majority of messages, hence, women will respond less often than men will.

The other problem with online dating is that the women tend to be less attractive in general. If looks aren't very important to you, then online dating would be great. Unfortunately, looks matter to me, so a lot of women in online dating aren't attractive to me.

Being a guy, getting a date is mostly up to what you do and attempt to do. Just putting yourself on an online dating site, or in a bar, often isn't enough. If you have standards you have to make it happen.

I've struggled with online dating, myself. I messaged over 40 women and only got received like 2 messages back. After that, the conversation died fast. The other 2 women that messaged me lived over 30 miles away from me. I'm not interested in driving that far, especially in my truck that is on it's last legs.

Well, that's been some of my experience.

I am still trying, I guess. I kind of slowed down after I messaged all those women and failed.
 
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Piece_By_Piece

Piece_By_Piece

Well-known member
PipsMcClawski said:
Well unfortunately Im in America and 1000 years old now. ::p:
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And unfortunately none of the boys that are my age interest me whatsoever. Not that I would get any attention from them anyway. Also I feel like everyone in this forum is a million miles away from me (which is true), so I feel even more alienated.
 
B

Brain Juice

Member
I'm in the exact same boat. 20 years old, hopeless romantic but no idea where and how to meet girls. Even if I had the confidence to lurk around bars and such, I doubt I'd find the type of girls I would be compatible with anyway. I'm wondering if there are other methods of online communication (other than dating sites) that could help expand my social circle...
 
anomicdeer

anomicdeer

Well-known member
Well if you don't actually look forward to actually DATE someone and you be yourself and get comfortable it might lead to something...
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Mmmm, Dates.

1306166976488.jpg


I have lots, help yourself.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Piece_By_Piece said:
Well I'm a girl. And I have SA. And I'm 17. And a virgin. But... I don't really know what I'm aiming at.
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Piece_By_Piece said:
And unfortunately none of the boys that are my age interest me whatsoever. Not that I would get any attention from them anyway. Also I feel like everyone in this forum is a million miles away from me (which is true), so I feel even more alienated.
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Boys at the age of 17 are just finding their feet in life, as girls would be, too. Plus boys have sex on their minds almost constantly, which could be a reason why you're not interested in them (as a guess).

I'm not exactly a million miles away, but I am on the other side of the planet!

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 25 and still a virgin.
 
Piece_By_Piece

Piece_By_Piece

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
Boys at the age of 17 are just finding their feet in life, as girls would be, too. Plus boys have sex on their minds almost constantly, which could be a reason why you're not interested in them (as a guess).

I'm not exactly a million miles away, but I am on the other side of the planet!

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 25 and still a virgin.
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Yeah, that's true. Also, I'm not sorry to be a virgin at the age of 17. I haven't got a need to hurry with it. I just wish I had someone to even hold hands with, if you know what I mean.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Piece_By_Piece said:
Yeah, that's true. Also, I'm not sorry to be a virgin at the age of 17. I haven't got a need to hurry with it. I just wish I had someone to even hold hands with, if you know what I mean.
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I'm exactly the same as you. There's no real need to feel pressured into having sex ever. When I was around 21-22 I was starting to feel sorry that I was still a virgin, but after that I pretty much got over it and I don't really care anymore. My friends care more than I do.

I do know what you mean about affection, though. There's times where I've wanted to hug someone but that's never been available, as with you with the holding hands. It's not nice but it is what it is.

I hope that you find a guy who will be understanding of all of that!

BiWinning said:
Socially anxious boy hunters... it has a nice ring to it ::p:
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I am bachelor number 1, if you're into Australian guys in their mid-20's. :)
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
anomicdeer said:
Well if you don't actually look forward to actually DATE someone and you be yourself and get comfortable it might lead to something...
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The problem with shy people like me is we often can't be ourselves. The "just be yourself" advice is a heck of a lot easier said than done. There are many situations where it's impossible for me to be myself. There isn't a shy switch that I can just turn off.

The problem isn't wanting to date people. It's perfectly fine to want a date. It's human nature. You can't tell a heterosexual man to not want a date with a woman. It's a natural desire that shouldn't be ignored.

Our problem has nothing to do with not wanting a date, or wanting a date. It has to do with our shyness.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
The problem with shy people like me is we often can't be ourselves. The "just be yourself" advice is a heck of a lot easier said than done. There are many situations where it's impossible for me to be myself. There isn't a shy switch that I can just turn off.

The problem isn't wanting to date people. It's perfectly fine to want a date. It's human nature. You can't tell a heterosexual man to not want a date with a woman. It's a natural desire that shouldn't be ignored.
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the trouble is that the personality that many men seem to display when attempting to get a girl to date them is precisely the type of personality that many woman find repugnant

so the advice to "just be yourself" in this case means to stop the whole guy-on-the prowl crap and forget about "dating" women, and instead just act like you're meeting people

it usually works better
 
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