Captain_Lethargy
Active member
People like to throw terms like "alpha" and "beta" male around until they sort of mutate into weird notions with no basis in biology. Now, I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure the "alpha/beta" dichotomy (not trying to sound pretentious) the average schmuck refers to doesn't really relate to the way the terms are used in regard to animal behavior....but whatever.
Many guys on the Internet like to complain about how they can't date because they are "nice guys" and they finish last (which still kinds of implies that they do finish eventually, but whatever). Of course, the guys complaining about their niceness are subverting any of their professed niceness by only being nice to get chicks, which makes them not all that nice. Whereas the "alpha" (which seems to be synonymous with "jock"-apparently these people live in a world where everyone is either a jock or a nerd...it's like that Star Trek episode where they visited a 1920's gangster civilization based on a book about gangsters that a starship crew left behind...except their civilization is based on a recording of "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise"). So, I don't want to fall in the trap of becoming one of those guys-I have dipped into that territory in the past, though, which is definitely not cool.
My question is...what about if you actually ARE "nice", without using it as an excuse to be a creep? I don't call refer to myself as a "nice" guy, because I think I have positive qualities beyond niceness. I feel like being nice is the default-I don't think I should be congratulated just for being "nice", just like I shouldn't be congratulated for not stabbing people with rusty nails.
However, I admit to being sort of a "wuss"...and it's not that I'm too timid to be anything else. It's that I don't really want to be more aggressive or be throwing my weight around. I've been like this since I was a kid-I'd rather just go for a walk or ride my bike around than play an organized sport, and I spent a lot of time putting together Legos or doing puzzles when I probably should have been getting into fights with the neighborhood lads or something. Today, I'd rather read a book or mess around downtown than be the "life of the party" (I also have a feeling that alpha males don't say "life of the party"). I don't really care about being a musclebound behemoth-I just want to be fit, in order to be better looking and healthier, which seem like perfectly good reasons.
Usually, I'm okay with this, even to the point when I actually feel really okay about who I am...until I'm confronted with a society that says I'm not okay, that I need to be a leader, and that I need to take what's mine rather than negotiate for it, or else other men won't respect me and my girlfriend/wife, if I manage to snag one, will eventually leave me for a "real man", and that I'm just being a weaselly "nice guy" who envies the more fortunate. However, in real life, I feel like there are tons of mellow yet confident "average" sorts of guys-it doesn't make any sense to me that every successful man is an aggressive "alpha". I mean, I see confidence as not getting pushed around by other people-I don't feel the need to control people. I don't know...it's as if you're repeatedly told to become confident by "being yourself", as long as "being yourself" conforms with the way the majority acts. Or am I just being a "nice guy" who needs to "man up"?
Many guys on the Internet like to complain about how they can't date because they are "nice guys" and they finish last (which still kinds of implies that they do finish eventually, but whatever). Of course, the guys complaining about their niceness are subverting any of their professed niceness by only being nice to get chicks, which makes them not all that nice. Whereas the "alpha" (which seems to be synonymous with "jock"-apparently these people live in a world where everyone is either a jock or a nerd...it's like that Star Trek episode where they visited a 1920's gangster civilization based on a book about gangsters that a starship crew left behind...except their civilization is based on a recording of "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise"). So, I don't want to fall in the trap of becoming one of those guys-I have dipped into that territory in the past, though, which is definitely not cool.
My question is...what about if you actually ARE "nice", without using it as an excuse to be a creep? I don't call refer to myself as a "nice" guy, because I think I have positive qualities beyond niceness. I feel like being nice is the default-I don't think I should be congratulated just for being "nice", just like I shouldn't be congratulated for not stabbing people with rusty nails.
However, I admit to being sort of a "wuss"...and it's not that I'm too timid to be anything else. It's that I don't really want to be more aggressive or be throwing my weight around. I've been like this since I was a kid-I'd rather just go for a walk or ride my bike around than play an organized sport, and I spent a lot of time putting together Legos or doing puzzles when I probably should have been getting into fights with the neighborhood lads or something. Today, I'd rather read a book or mess around downtown than be the "life of the party" (I also have a feeling that alpha males don't say "life of the party"). I don't really care about being a musclebound behemoth-I just want to be fit, in order to be better looking and healthier, which seem like perfectly good reasons.
Usually, I'm okay with this, even to the point when I actually feel really okay about who I am...until I'm confronted with a society that says I'm not okay, that I need to be a leader, and that I need to take what's mine rather than negotiate for it, or else other men won't respect me and my girlfriend/wife, if I manage to snag one, will eventually leave me for a "real man", and that I'm just being a weaselly "nice guy" who envies the more fortunate. However, in real life, I feel like there are tons of mellow yet confident "average" sorts of guys-it doesn't make any sense to me that every successful man is an aggressive "alpha". I mean, I see confidence as not getting pushed around by other people-I don't feel the need to control people. I don't know...it's as if you're repeatedly told to become confident by "being yourself", as long as "being yourself" conforms with the way the majority acts. Or am I just being a "nice guy" who needs to "man up"?