People don't have any respect for those who suffers SA

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Rembrandt Broam
You're right that it isn't fair, but even in 2011 society in general expects that men do the pursuing. The point I was making was that both sides have their positives and negatives. As the guy, you have the choice of who to approach and how many women you approach (which allows you to control the chances of getting a date) but the downside is that you have to put yourself out there and deal with the possibility of rejection.

Yes women can do the approaching, but even in this day and age they risk some men interpreting that as meaning they are either easy or desperate. It's far more socially acceptable for them to wait to be approached, but that means they can only pick from whoever approaches them.


Yes, the downside is that you have to put yourself out there and risk rejection, well that's the whole point I was trying to make: that's a huge freakin downside! That barrier that men have to break is much higher than the one that you mentioned women have to break which is worrying about being "easy."

And once again, I would love for having to choose between the women that approach me if they did. That would make things so much easier.

Which leaves them in exactly the same position that you are complaining that SAD men are in. No relationship.

No. So you are saying if these women go out enough, that they should just give up after they get approached by a few losers and bums? This seems like a very pessimistic attitude and is totally untrue. If women gave up on having men approach them and just stopped going out, you wouldn't see 96% of people getting married in their lifetime which is what the percentage is statistically. Women don't give up, and they definitely don't need to cuz they know that men will always approach them, and there is always some guy out there that will approach next.

Why would you assume that women with SA go out into society? Most guys with SA don't seem to, so why should women be any different? I disagree that a woman's life with SA is easier than a man's. I do think they each face different issues, but I don't think one gender has it harder or easier than the other.

Because I believe the world is kinder to women with SA. I already talked about this earlier in this thread, read my post that starts "Oh, wow. I can't believe you went there." I discuss my thoughts on why men have it harder socially. I know I'm not a woman, so you are going to say I can't speak for them, but I think if I was a woman, I'd be going out and sitting at a bar and just livin it up with all the men that approach me.

Forget about the bar fight statement. I didn't explain that well. What I was saying is that society thinks hitting woman is this terrible thing, but if two guys hit eachother it's just two men mad at eachother.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
The problem is, all these outgoing people, most of them are cocky pricks and get all the women, while we're left alone.

You say women don't want a nice guy, thats true. I'm a nice guy, i do have some women friends, they complain theres no nice guys around to date, wait i'm here, but oh yeah it must just be i'm not worthy. Then they date a prick and get cheated on, then moan to me after.

I'm not saying we're all going to be single, but it makes it so much harder to even find someone, then you look at who to date.

Theres no point in going out with someone who's the complete opposite from me, cause it wouldn't work. So that narrows it down even more. All i'm saying is, women don't have to make the first move 90% of time.

In my life, with all my friends and everyone i know. I'v never known a women ask a guy out. Imagine me trying to ask someone out, nah i'll end up lonely.

Maybe via text, but thats not going to look good is it.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
The problem is, all these outgoing people, most of them are cocky pricks and get all the women, while we're left alone.

You say women don't want a nice guy, thats true. I'm a nice guy, i do have some women friends, they complain theres no nice guys around to date, wait i'm here, but oh yeah it must just be i'm not worthy. Then they date a prick and get cheated on, then moan to me after.

I'm not saying we're all going to be single, but it makes it so much harder to even find someone, then you look at who to date.

Theres no point in going out with someone who's the complete opposite from me, cause it wouldn't work. So that narrows it down even more. All i'm saying is, women don't have to make the first move 90% of time.

In my life, with all my friends and everyone i know. I'v never known a women ask a guy out. Imagine me trying to ask someone out, nah i'll end up lonely.

Maybe via text, but thats not going to look good is it.

I think the reason you haven't found a date has nothing to do with you being nice. That nice guys finish last quote is rubbish. The reason you haven't found a date is because of a couple things, the main one is that you are shy. Shy men usually get into less relationships than outgoing men, and it usually takes a shy man longer to establish himself into the dating world if he ever does manage to establish himself. There are millions of nice, outgoing guys that are having loads of success with women. Nice is a superior quality compared to the pricks that you are talking about. But here is the thing: being nice is meaningless if you don't talk to women, like start conversations with them or talk around them. If found this out from personal experience and from a couple friends, and even a couple of girls. It's all about talking around women and talking to them. If you can't do either, you will be alone, I can guarantee you that. Keep being nice. There is nothing wrong with being nice. Don't be a prick just cuz you see some pricks getting women. The only reason they get women is because they talk.

The other reason is one i'm not sure about. Do you go out? Like to parties, bars, or social events of any kind? If you never go out then it's impossible to get with any women, unless you convinced some girl you meet online to come to your house. That seems like it'd be a creepy situation for the girl though.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
I think the reason you haven't found a date has nothing to do with you being nice. That nice guys finish last quote is rubbish. The reason you haven't found a date is because of a couple things, the main one is that you are shy. Shy men usually get into less relationships than outgoing men, and it usually takes a shy man longer to establish himself into the dating world if he ever does manage to establish himself. There are millions of nice, outgoing guys that are having loads of success with women. Nice is a superior quality compared to the pricks that you are talking about. But here is the thing: being nice is meaningless if you don't talk to women, like start conversations with them or talk around them. If found this out from personal experience and from a couple friends, and even a couple of girls. It's all about talking around women and talking to them. If you can't do either, you will be alone, I can guarantee you that. Keep being nice. There is nothing wrong with being nice. Don't be a prick just cuz you see some pricks getting women. The only reason they get women is because they talk.

The other reason is one i'm not sure about. Do you go out? Like to parties, bars, or social events of any kind? If you never go out then it's impossible to get with any women, unless you convinced some girl you meet online to come to your house. That seems like it'd be a creepy situation for the girl though.

I go to some parties with my friends yes,

I have female friends that moan, about theres no nice guys. Thats wwhat i'm saying.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
I go to some parties with my friends yes,

I have female friends that moan, about theres no nice guys. Thats wwhat i'm saying.

That could be because a few reasons. I thought I saw you say you were 17. Well that means your friends are around 17, and that's a young age. Guys are more immature at that age compared to when they are in their mid 20s which is where I'm at. I'd imagine guys mature even more into their 30s. Your female friends could also be having problems just because they are hanging out with a certain type of guys that just happen to be mean. I don't like the association of loud and obnoxious with all men that are loud, because I have friends that are loud and they aren't obnoxious. In fact, my loudest friend was a great man and a good friend, and unfortunately he passed away. I get what you are saying about the stereotype, because there are a lot of loud and obnoxious men out there, but not all loud men are that way. Again, I'm not sure exactly what the situation is with your female friends, but those are some possibilities. By the way, I'm not trying to offend any 17 year olds, I'm not saying you are immature, I'm saying it sounds like the guys that go out with your female friends are immature because you said they are pricks.
 
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Liam17

Well-known member
That could be because a few reasons. I thought I saw you say you were 17. Well that means your friends are around 17, and that's a young age. Guys are more immature at that age compared to when they are in their mid 20s which is where I'm at. I'd imagine guys mature even more into their 30s. Your female friends could also be having problems just because they are hanging out with a certain type of guys that just happen to be mean. I don't like the association of loud and obnoxious with all men that are loud, because I have friends that are loud and they aren't obnoxious. In fact, my loudest friend was a great man and a good friend, and unfortunately he passed away. I get what you are saying about the stereotype, because there are a lot of loud and obnoxious men out there, but not all loud men are that way. Again, I'm not sure exactly what the situation is with your female friends, but those are some possibilities. By the way, I'm not trying to offend any 17 year olds, I'm not saying you are immature, I'm saying it sounds like the guys that go out with your female friends are immature because you said they are pricks.

It doesn't matter anyway, cause there just friends.
All i'm stating is, theres nice guys out there but no1 notices the shy guy or anything :/

Hardly any women want a shy guy, which is depressing, cause then it doesn't matter if your nice, or if your interesting, cause the fact of being quite and shy, is a rejection anyway.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
It doesn't matter anyway, cause there just friends.
All i'm stating is, theres nice guys out there but no1 notices the shy guy or anything :/

Hardly any women want a shy guy, which is depressing, cause then it doesn't matter if your nice, or if your interesting, cause the fact of being quite and shy, is a rejection anyway.

I think I know how to explain our situation. Yeah, there are a lot of women who don't want a shy guy because they have millions of other guys who can actually connect with them. But then you've got a fair number of other women who say they wouldn't mind having a shy guy. So that would mean that we have a lot of options, right? Nope. These same women that don't mind dating a shy guy, 90% of them are abiding by society's unwritten rule that men have to approach the female, so we are left with that tiny 10%, and I may think it's even smaller than 10%, the number that are okay with approaching men, and that's when they "feel" like doing it. So if we never approach them, then the more outgoing guy will just beat us to the chase every time. And where does that leave us? Well, you're lookin at it right now with these words I'm typing. The guy typing these words is a 26 year old virgin.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
I think I know how to explain our situation. Yeah, there are a lot of women who don't want a shy guy because they have millions of other guys who can actually connect with them. But then you've got a fair number of other women who say they wouldn't mind having a shy guy. So that would mean that we have a lot of options, right? Nope. These same women that don't mind dating a shy guy, 90% of them are abiding by society's unwritten rule that men have to approach the female, so we are left with that tiny 10%, and I may think it's even smaller than 10%, the number that are okay with approaching men, and that's when they "feel" like doing it. So if we never approach them, then the more outgoing guy will just beat us to the chase every time. And where does that leave us? Well, you're lookin at it right now with these words I'm typing. The guy typing these words is a 26 year old virgin.

Yeah i doubt i'll ever get confidence to do that. I'm 17, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl :/ its just depressing. The fact i'v got no experience puts me under the order more. I'm just a major put off for any girl.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Yeah i doubt i'll ever get confidence to do that. I'm 17, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl :/ its just depressing. The fact i'v got no experience puts me under the order more. I'm just a major put off for any girl.


Hey man, u never know. You have a lot of time left to live, and predicting the future is impossible, and you could catch a break and meet someone who knows someone who knows your friend and bam, you got yourself a g/f. It sounds like you talk to people, and as long as you are talking to people there is hope. It's when you hide like I have been doing for the past 5 years, that's when guys like me don't give myself a chance. You aren't a put off for any girl. I saw your pic and you are decent looking and not overweight. That right there means you could definitely get a g/f. You know how many guys are overweight and unattractive yet they have g/fs? Tons of guys are like that. I think you are being too negative. There has to be women out there who match up with you. The trouble is finding them. And yeah, it will be harder for you than the average guy. But it will be possible.
 

R3X

Well-known member
yeah,i know how you feel since these people expects us to respect them but they won't do the same....usually it's these kind of guys that don't deserve respect really...that's all i can say...
 

Liam17

Well-known member
It's not a turn off, just puts a little more pressure on the girl to make his first kiss/whatever a good one =P
That's the way I see it. I mean, we're still young, and it's like we're expected by society to know/do everything by the time we're 20. Tis daft if you ask me.

Well I wouldn't want to put pressure on anyone, but yeah society expects us to have done alot of things before then. :/
 

mint

Member
I hate when people don't believe what we're going through :( I always get told things like, "You're just shy, you should talk more!"
If only it was that easy.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Well I wouldn't want to put pressure on anyone, but yeah society expects us to have done alot of things before then. :/

Actually, many women would prefer a virgin over a guy who has been around the block a hundred times. I think you are categorizing a particular type of women, the type that loves the cocky, loud guy who has sex with every women he can get his hands on. Not all women are like that at all. All women are different people and have different preferences. Just because one girl turns you down doesn't mean the next girl will.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
Actually, many women would prefer a virgin over a guy who has been around the block a hundred times. I think you are categorizing a particular type of women, the type that loves the cocky, loud guy who has sex with every women he can get his hands on. Not all women are like that at all. All women are different people and have different preferences. Just because one girl turns you down doesn't mean the next girl will.

They prefer a guy virgin :/ that sounds hard to believe.

Yeah i am, but i wasn't on about me personally, i'm on about experiences. That the cocky guys win over most of the women.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
They prefer a guy virgin :/ that sounds hard to believe.

Yeah i am, but i wasn't on about me personally, i'm on about experiences. That the cocky guys win over most of the women.

That's because the cocky guys talk to the women. It's weird but it seems like all cocky guys are great socializers with women, I know what you mean about that. Cockiness is an evil version of confidence, but it is confidence. And confidence always gets women, whether it's humble confidence or not.

Remember, I'm not saying all women prefer a virgin, I'm saying many women prefer a guy with less experience compared to a guy who has been tons of women. Guys who have been with tons of women have a couple downfalls. For starters, they have a way better chance of having an STD. Plus, guys that sleep around are much more likely to not care about the girl they are with next, and the chance of him cheating on the girl is higher than the guy with less g/fs. Like i said b4, all women are different, and many have different preferences.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
That's because the cocky guys talk to the women. It's weird but it seems like all cocky guys are great socializers with women, I know what you mean about that. Cockiness is an evil version of confidence, but it is confidence. And confidence always gets women, whether it's humble confidence or not.

Remember, I'm not saying all women prefer a virgin, I'm saying many women prefer a guy with less experience compared to a guy who has been tons of women. Guys who have been with tons of women have a couple downfalls. For starters, they have a way better chance of having an STD. Plus, guys that sleep around are much more likely to not care about the girl they are with next, and the chance of him cheating on the girl is higher than the guy with less g/fs. Like i said b4, all women are different, and many have different preferences.

Yeah i get what your saying, and as you said its all about confidence, i just find it a shame, theres so many nice guys, but we're all to shy to talk to women :/

On the other hand, if there was more awareness that this is a problem, and we shouldn't have to make the first move, but that will always be the way in society.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Yeah i get what your saying, and as you said its all about confidence, i just find it a shame, theres so many nice guys, but we're all to shy to talk to women :/

On the other hand, if there was more awareness that this is a problem, and we shouldn't have to make the first move, but that will always be the way in society.

I know, I too am one of those nice guys who always am alone. If you think about it, it doesn't make sense that women choose the talkative guy over the shy guy. There are many cases where the shy guy would be a better parent to children which in most cases is the ultimate goal for a woman, to have children and raise them to be good, successful people. Just because a guy is talkative, doesn't mean he's more fit to be a parent. There are so many cases where they get with the talkative guy cuz he made that first move and then the woman winds up having this disrespectful husband who beats his wife, cheats on her or destroys the child's lives. All this just because one guy had more courage on one night? It doesn't make sense to me. It's like you said, we can't change society. I truly do believe if there was balance in the dating world on who made the first move, divorce rates would be lower. All of the sudden, women would be giving themselves a choice. But that would be impossible, it's been this way for centuries.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
I know, I too am one of those nice guys who always am alone. If you think about it, it doesn't make sense that women choose the talkative guy over the shy guy. There are many cases where the shy guy would be a better parent to children which in most cases is the ultimate goal for a woman, to have children and raise them to be good, successful people. Just because a guy is talkative, doesn't mean he's more fit to be a parent. There are so many cases where they get with the talkative guy cuz he made that first move and then the woman winds up having this disrespectful husband who beats his wife, cheats on her or destroys the child's lives. All this just because one guy had more courage on one night? It doesn't make sense to me. It's like you said, we can't change society. I truly do believe if there was balance in the dating world on who made the first move, divorce rates would be lower. All of the sudden, women would be giving themselves a choice. But that would be impossible, it's been this way for centuries.

Yeah, me personally i'd never cheat on someone. Thats who i am, but people that are shy don't get a chance. When there more likely to be successful with a better job, as you said be a good parent etc. They think that because we're shy, we don't talk at all.

No thats not the case, i'm really talkative. Just not to people i don't know.
I'm lucky that i'v got a chance, this friday :)
But we understand each other better, cause she's got sa (katie).
I think it's easy for people with sa, to communicate, cause we understand each other. The little things that i know she wouldn't like, i'll try and stop.
With someone 'normal' they wouldn't care.
 
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