18 and scared

R

Running_Scared

Active member
Hi my name is Hannah, and I'm new to this site!:) Nice to "meet" you all.
Well I'm here because I really need some advice. I'm seriously on the verge of suicide, because I am so scared. I think about dying all day everyday. I did something stupid, and now I'm terrified of what may happen in the future. I am aware that this fear may be "irrational", but to me it makes perfect sense. I have convinced myself that bad things will happen because of it. I am terrified. I want to die. I am so scared of telling my therapist, because she might think I'm an idiot or something for doing it. This is one of my greatest fears. How do I open up to her? I'm scared to even tell anyone close to me, much less a stranger. I can't stop thinking about it. It's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing in the morning. Sometimes (like now) I feel like there is no hope for me, and that I just ruined my life. I am so angry with myself for doing this ( I'm like 100% sure that I'm the only one thinking about this incident still, but I don't know... no one got hurt or anything).
My question is... what is the best strategy to tell my therapist? (Oh and this happened nearly 2 years ago... I have not heard anything about it since the incident at all, but that won't calm my nerves).
Thank you so much my new friends!
 
kihira

kihira

1
Running_Scared said:
Hi my name is Hannah, and I'm new to this site!:) Nice to "meet" you all.
Well I'm here because I really need some advice. I'm seriously on the verge of suicide, because I am so scared. I think about dying all day everyday. I did something stupid, and now I'm terrified of what may happen in the future. I am aware that this fear may be "irrational", but to me it makes perfect sense. I have convinced myself that bad things will happen because of it. I am terrified. I want to die. I am so scared of telling my therapist, because she might think I'm an idiot or something for doing it. This is one of my greatest fears. How do I open up to her? I'm scared to even tell anyone close to me, much less a stranger. I can't stop thinking about it. It's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing in the morning. Sometimes (like now) I feel like there is no hope for me, and that I just ruined my life. I am so angry with myself for doing this ( I'm like 100% sure that I'm the only one thinking about this incident still, but I don't know... no one got hurt or anything).
My question is... what is the best strategy to tell my therapist? (Oh and this happened nearly 2 years ago... I have not heard anything about it since the incident at all, but that won't calm my nerves).
Thank you so much my new friends!
Click to expand...

Welcome Hannah :)

Say to your therapist "I'm having obsessive thoughts about something, its really weird but I need to talk about it". She will not judge you for it. Write it down and hand it to her if you can't say it. They hear this sort of stuff a lot, so don't fret, its not unusual and its treatable. :)
 
M

missjesss

Banned
Hi Hannah I can't rlly give you much advice as I don't know what you did but surely it can't be that bad can it ? I have made some mistakes in my lifetime also feel free to private MSG me for some advice

Jess
xxx
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
Hey there,

I see you have a very hard time dealing with sa, or another related things, but keep the hope alive.. life offers so many oppurtinities, and sometimes things seem so dark and you just cant escape out of it, but life sure has some bright sides, do you really want to leave your family and friends without you? And do you really want to quit because you feel so scared? Never give up, because if your scared, you should fight to NOT be afraid and just kick the fears and be the person whom you've always dreamed of. Is it really something to be called ''stupid'' what you've done? Isn't it just a mistake , everybody makes mistake, don't be so hard on yourself, everybody goes through a hard time, and you should keep fighting.... I know this may not make any sense right now, but someday you will be grateful and happy because you are happy again:). You want to talk to your therapist, so that means you want help, for your thoughts, so that means HOPE!:), i know its hard, but maybe you could write a note to your therapist about how you feel? or just tell him/her face to face, you know I always tell my therapist about how I feel, because I really want to get out of this, and therapists want to help people, because they school'd themselfes to help people, so U can tell it. it's a step, but it's a step into a new direction!, You know I've been through this all myself, and I really want to go for overcoming sa, and just be myself around people and dont worry about stupid things what happened in the past, or feeling unhappy anymore, I'm doing much better right now, but in the past it was such a hard time too.. But I'm making progress, So i'm the Evidence/Proof of feeling better than before :). keep your head up girl.
Wish you all the luck you need !!!!

X Flowerly
 
R

Running_Scared

Active member
No its nothing like that! I'm just super terrified of saying what it is online... I just made a mistake that may be stupid to others... I'm sorry I don't know how I'm asking for help and I can't even explain my problem to others.
 
R

Running_Scared

Active member
phocas said:
Welcome Hannah :)

Say to your therapist "I'm having obsessive thoughts about something, its really weird but I need to talk about it". She will not judge you for it. Write it down and hand it to her if you can't say it. They hear this sort of stuff a lot, so don't fret, its not unusual and its treatable. :)
Click to expand...

Thank you that is a good idea I will try that and tell you how it goes. =)
 
R

Running_Scared

Active member
missjesss said:
Hi Hannah I can't rlly give you much advice as I don't know what you did but surely it can't be that bad can it ? I have made some mistakes in my lifetime also feel free to private MSG me for some advice

Jess
xxx
Click to expand...

Thanks so much Jess! I'm not sure if it is that bad, but to me it feels like it! I'll pm you soon =)
 
R

Running_Scared

Active member
Flowergirlie said:
Hey there,

I see you have a very hard time dealing with sa, or another related things, but keep the hope alive.. life offers so many oppurtinities, and sometimes things seem so dark and you just cant escape out of it, but life sure has some bright sides, do you really want to leave your family and friends without you? And do you really want to quit because you feel so scared? Never give up, because if your scared, you should fight to NOT be afraid and just kick the fears and be the person whom you've always dreamed of. Is it really something to be called ''stupid'' what you've done? Isn't it just a mistake , everybody makes mistake, don't be so hard on yourself, everybody goes through a hard time, and you should keep fighting.... I know this may not make any sense right now, but someday you will be grateful and happy because you are happy again:). You want to talk to your therapist, so that means you want help, for your thoughts, so that means HOPE!:), i know its hard, but maybe you could write a note to your therapist about how you feel? or just tell him/her face to face, you know I always tell my therapist about how I feel, because I really want to get out of this, and therapists want to help people, because they school'd themselfes to help people, so U can tell it. it's a step, but it's a step into a new direction!, You know I've been through this all myself, and I really want to go for overcoming sa, and just be myself around people and dont worry about stupid things what happened in the past, or feeling unhappy anymore, I'm doing much better right now, but in the past it was such a hard time too.. But I'm making progress, So i'm the Evidence/Proof of feeling better than before :). keep your head up girl.
Wish you all the luck you need !!!!

X Flowerly
Click to expand...

Thank you so much! this really gave me hope. I'm going to try the letter thing since I can't really tell her to her face. Deep down I don't want to die, but it seems like its the choice that keeps popping up out of my head. ::(:
 
R

Running_Scared

Active member
phocas said:
Good - I'm sure it will go well, though get back in touch if you're still finding it too hard to take the important step of telling her and we will work through it.
Click to expand...

Yes I will most definitely! I think I'm going to do it. Just let it all out, because I can't feel this anymore.
 
Ignace

Ignace

Well-known member
Tell your therapist how you feel, for god's sake you pay her. She will not think you're an idiot, that's why she's there, to help you. ;)

Welcome to the forum. :)
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
Running_Scared said:
Thank you so much! this really gave me hope. I'm going to try the letter thing since I can't really tell her to her face. Deep down I don't want to die, but it seems like its the choice that keeps popping up out of my head. ::(:
Click to expand...

Faith is in every corner Hannah, you just have to walk that path, but YOU have to make the first movement, like telling your therapist about how you feel, or find something what makes you feel happy again and to see positive experiences happening to you again, look for your own luck, do the things you wanna do, find a nice hobby to keep you distracted from all these thoughts, read a nice book related to how you feel, talk, because talking cures the wound, it might be difficult, but understanding is great, to talk things of your chest! about the choice.. I think you feel this way because you don't know how to get out of this situation, but learn from the situation,, you will carry this pain longer, but you will get stronger too, Take care!:) & Good luck
 
Satine

Satine

Well-known member
Hello Hannah,

I hear that you're feeling frightened to the point of wanting to end your life. You did something a while ago that you feel is unforgiveably silly and that's leading you to feeling this fear and suicidal drive. You have a sense of context about it - you are aware that the fear is irrational, and you're sure the other people involved have moved on and very possibly don't even remember - but the memory is there in your mind all the same.

The event you regret, and the strong negative feelings about it that have built up in your mind, have made it such a sore point with you that you don't wish to speak even to your therapist about it. More than anything, you're fearing judgement.

All of this said, you want to be able to open up to your therapist.

You're looking for an answer as to how you're going to go about telling your therapist what happened. Please tell me: what different ways have you thought of so far?
 
R

Running_Scared

Active member
Satine said:
Hello Hannah,

I hear that you're feeling frightened to the point of wanting to end your life. You did something a while ago that you feel is unforgiveably silly and that's leading you to feeling this fear and suicidal drive. You have a sense of context about it - you are aware that the fear is irrational, and you're sure the other people involved have moved on and very possibly don't even remember - but the memory is there in your mind all the same.

The event you regret, and the strong negative feelings about it that have built up in your mind, have made it such a sore point with you that you don't wish to speak even to your therapist about it. More than anything, you're fearing judgement.

All of this said, you want to be able to open up to your therapist.

You're looking for an answer as to how you're going to go about telling your therapist what happened. Please tell me: what different ways have you thought of so far?
Click to expand...

Wow you summed that up perfectly. So far I've thought of straight out telling her, and writing it down to give to her. It's just so darn difficult... I've told my mother, and she said that it was something stupid to worry about (but of course I could not let it go). I just terrified of the what if's I think I truly believe that this will happen to tell you the truth. I'm not sure if it really will. I told my best friend, and she says that its something I should get over, but I can't. What hurts me is that it's been two years, and I can't get through it. I don't know... but thanks a lot. :)
 
alejandro84

alejandro84

Well-known member
Running_Scared said:
Hi my name is Hannah, and I'm new to this site!:) Nice to "meet" you all.
Well I'm here because I really need some advice. I'm seriously on the verge of suicide, because I am so scared. I think about dying all day everyday. I did something stupid, and now I'm terrified of what may happen in the future. I am aware that this fear may be "irrational", but to me it makes perfect sense. I have convinced myself that bad things will happen because of it. I am terrified. I want to die. I am so scared of telling my therapist, because she might think I'm an idiot or something for doing it. This is one of my greatest fears. How do I open up to her? I'm scared to even tell anyone close to me, much less a stranger. I can't stop thinking about it. It's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing in the morning. Sometimes (like now) I feel like there is no hope for me, and that I just ruined my life. I am so angry with myself for doing this ( I'm like 100% sure that I'm the only one thinking about this incident still, but I don't know... no one got hurt or anything).
My question is... what is the best strategy to tell my therapist? (Oh and this happened nearly 2 years ago... I have not heard anything about it since the incident at all, but that won't calm my nerves).
Thank you so much my new friends!
Click to expand...

we're all here to help and whatever it is thats on your mind isn't worth ending your life over and your therapist is there to help and if not you should find another therapist if they aren't doing their job properly. Its christmas you should be all merry! ;)
 
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