WHY do I become so uncomfortable? :(

[Smurfette]

I'm too old 4 school now. Oh well. Bread still makes its way 2 the table!

 

[LovelyAmor]

I'm too old 4 school now. Oh well. Bread still makes its way 2 the table!

No you're not. My cousin (my mom's 1rst cousin) was 60 years old when he went back to school a few years ago and made straight A's. He even showed me his transcript. He already had two adult children and one that was 5. He struggled with alcohol and drugs his whole life. He recently became a minister. So you are NEVER too old to go back. If he can do it, then you can too!

It's never too late to do something. How old are you by the way?

 

[Falkor]

It's because of your insecurity girl, it's just that you don't feel safe around the people, because you think you mess it up, make a fool, look weird, feel shy, feel anxious, feel ... sooo many things can be that.
and You should not be looking for the answer WHY you get so uncomfortable, you should look at the answer, HOW to get out of your comfort zone, like feeling comfortable around people , wherever you are standing, just feel good and relaxed around your company and just be fine.

You should ask people like, what do you think I should do to be more confident/comfortable around people.

My answer would be,

1.Confident body language, maybe you don't feel that way, you can still act like it. And eventually you will feel it growing like you feel the gutts to feel confident.
2.Know you are worth it, don't hide when you are around people, show your self to the world, know that you can do it, and maybe you should try to prove yourself, (yup yourself) that you can feel good around people, and smile at them, like nothing is going wrong. And that's what I can having trust in your own actions, feelings, thoughts and behaviour. Don't worry girl, you are the person who thinks you are feeling unsafe, while the other people might think you are a nice person or look fine, or whatever they might think, it doesnt even matter, because its about you, not about what other people might think. it's your life, it's your choice, it's your dream, it's your faith, it's not their decision. So just let them think whatever they wanna think, and you are not responsible for their thoughts, and they should not rule you, and maybe its all irrational, so what were we afraid of?, hmmmm.. no. We should just feel alright, and fight! I know this is a hard road, but one day you will step in the boat, of feeling comfortable around people like you never did before. But you only will do that, if you know you will. and believe it.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[LovelyAmor]

It's because of your insecurity girl, it's just that you don't feel safe around the people, because you think you mess it up, make a fool, look weird, feel shy, feel anxious, feel ... sooo many things can be that.
and You should not be looking for the answer WHY you get so uncomfortable, you should look at the answer, HOW to get out of your comfort zone, like feeling comfortable around people , wherever you are standing, just feel good and relaxed around your company and just be fine.

You should ask people like, what do you think I should do to be more confident/comfortable around people.

My answer would be,

1.Confident body language, maybe you don't feel that way, you can still act like it. And eventually you will feel it growing like you feel the gutts to feel confident.
2.Know you are worth it, don't hide when you are around people, show your self to the world, know that you can do it, and maybe you should try to prove yourself, (yup yourself) that you can feel good around people, and smile at them, like nothing is going wrong. And that's what I can having trust in your own actions, feelings, thoughts and behaviour. Don't worry girl, you are the person who thinks you are feeling unsafe, while the other people might think you are a nice person or look fine, or whatever they might think, it doesnt even matter, because its about you, not about what other people might think. it's your life, it's your choice, it's your dream, it's your faith, it's not their decision. So just let them think whatever they wanna think, and you are not responsible for their thoughts, and they should not rule you, and maybe its all irrational, so what were we afraid of?, hmmmm.. no. We should just feel alright, and fight! I know this is a hard road, but one day you will step in the boat, of feeling comfortable around people like you never did before. But you only will do that, if you know you will. and believe it.

GOOD LUCK!

That's the thing! I DON'T feel safe around people! And I know why...it just bothers me that this happens all the time. Yea, I have a hard time being myself because I feel like my words will come out the wrong way or that I will do something wrong. Very frustrating.

Yesterday I was standing at the bus stop at Walmart and there were a bunch of college students standing there. (It's like people my age always have to stare at you intently or something like that are trying to intimidate you - while I was walking to the stop) Sometimes I think it's in my head, sometimes it looks like they are really doing it, ugh.

That's the thing. I am SO afraid to tell anyone else about my SA and ask for help. (My other experiences didn't go so well) My roommate seems nice but i'm afraid of what she will think! She may become weirded out and not speak to me for the rest of the year like last time. But the other girl was a bitch..so..yea lol. Sometimes I think she feels that i'm unfriendly, or maybe she just thinks that I am really shy/introverted/loner and just accepts that. She hasn't been mean or anything. I just don't really know what to say to her most of the time.

I use confident body language a lot. I am starting to feel better about myself (a bit) and there are some situations that I am actually confident in that I didn't realize I would be. I am trying my best to prove to myself that I can do that. Believe me, I am not negative of pessimistic ALL the time. Since starting CBT I have become more positive and I am more aware of my negative thoughts, being able to control and stop them.

Yea sometimes I am think that someone is thinking 'this' way about me but they are actually thinking the opposite. I feel quite silly after thinking so negatively lol. You know something that I have been starting to say to myself? : "It's none of my business what other's think about me, it's theirs, so why should I care?" Haha, that really helps me out a lot sometimes.

I have such an amazing vision for myself and I really want to be somebody. I know I have it within in me. I KNOW it. I am facing my fears now more than I ever have in my entire life. I think that I just need to push harder. I really do. I know it is going to be difficult but I can do it!

Thanks for your uplifting post!

 

[Smurfette]

No you're not. My cousin (my mom's 1rst cousin) was 60 years old when he went back to school a few years ago and made straight A's. He even showed me his transcript. He already had two adult children and one that was 5. He struggled with alcohol and drugs his whole life. He recently became a minister. So you are NEVER too old to go back. If he can do it, then you can too!

It's never too late to do something. How old are you by the way?

I'm 32. I want to go to school, but A. don't know for what, B. need more money and time away from job and C. I'm scared.

I find many ppl know what they want to do and I am STILL in the dark about my future. It's frusterating...

 

[UnOccupied]

No. My natural personality is extroverted (Libra).That's like one or 'the' most social sign. That is why I become so frustrated because I have all this social energy inside of me but my SA prevents it from coming out. I experience a lot of inner turmoil because of this. I know deep down that I am not an introvert.

I am the same way! I have so much personality inside me, but my SA kind of keeps it in. This just gets me more frustrated when im feeling very anxious, and not myself. Then, i get confused when i am feeling good, because if i act "myself" people might ask me why i don't act energetic and social all the time. Does that happen to you?

Anyway, as for your SA, i don't have a specific answer, but have you ever tried a form of therapy like CBT? It can be very very beneficial, and lead to the ultimate cure from SA. I've been doing it for three months now, and i feel WAY better.

 

[Darryl]

Hi LovelyAmor

I read your opening statement, though I should have read the input that followed, but I could see what you were asking.

Questions you have,
Why do I feel so uncomfortable?
Uncomfortable in your dorm .
Intimated by your room mate, but she drinks and smokes.
Hard to communicate with her.
Feel she is annoyed with you.
Go to library to finish your work.

All these emotions you have mentioned are bi-products of Avoidance Personality Disorder.
Avoiding people (Avpd) avoiding performance (SA)- I'm not disagreeing that you do or don't have SA but you opening statement was all avoiding people.
So that's where I might be able to help.

I'm not a professional, don't pretend to be and I don't want to sound more than I am. But I would truly like to help.

So..When you come home from the library to your dorm are you worked up that your roomy might be there with someone, then the brain goes into overdrive looking for excuses... Then these excuses build up the anxiety and your a mess before you've even walked in the door??

And after this she's not there, you are relieved but still worked up with emotions!.. how am I doing?

If I'm completely off the track let me know and I will leave it there.