I feel like I’m wasting my life and I can’t do **** about it
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Kustamogen
Banned
yah I havent been to a movie or restaurant or even gone out of the city in almost 10yrs.....watching everyone else lead a fun life is not very uplifting
I keep reading other people’s blogs to see what it’s like to be alive..to have friends, to be in love…
I day dream about being someone else, someone good looking, smart, popular, successful who’s loved and admired by people…….things I wish I had.
I'm such a sad lonely fu*k
There is no point in reading about other people's lives. Get your own one. You are doing yourself and your mental health a disservice by almost literally slapping yourself in the face with all the things that you could have. That is not in any way different to what a girl who cuts herself does. You cut yourself mentally.
Get out, do something to get yourself what you so badly want. Nothing will ever come to you. Life is not fair, and will never be - at least not in the sense that anyone is entitled to be happy. You have to make an effort to get and sustain a "life".
I have a "life". Well, I had a date a couple of weeks ago, I am reasonably good-looking, academically successful, and there are people who like me, and people who need me. Certainly many people admire me, or envy me. None of that makes me feel considerably better. However, I would feel worse without it, and that's why I work hard to maintain what I have achieved.
Well, admittedly, it does feel good to have all that, but that doesn't mean at all that you live a happy life. There are still things missing. I still feel lonely, although I am not sad, and I still crave romance. But all those things will come just in time, when my life is stable enough to keep up things such as a relationship. Now it would just be a distraction from the relevant.
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Avarak
Member
You CAN be like those people too, you just have to realize it will take some time and you will have to work at it. You have to go step by step making small gains over time, you can't expect to one day wake up and be a happy person.
I've recently been forced to move to another country and I feel the exact same way you do, I have no friends here and spend most of my time at work and in my room. But I've come to realize that I do have the power to change my circumstances, just like you have the power to change yours.
I've recently been forced to move to another country and I feel the exact same way you do, I have no friends here and spend most of my time at work and in my room. But I've come to realize that I do have the power to change my circumstances, just like you have the power to change yours.
lyricalliaisons
Well-known member
I know what that's like. I feel horrible even compared to others with SA. I try not to compare myself to others because, with a life like mine, that's NOT a good thing to do, but I still occasionally do, & nothing good ever comes of it. I see the lives others have & then I see my own life, which is basically nothing & I feel miserable.
no1
Banned
people like klytus can make it seem worse, as they tell you a simple clear cut answer as "JUST DO SOMETHING!"
In many cases its not that simple. Sometimes we have to just take baby steps. Sometimes, it's our belief in the need for baby steps that makes us need baby steps.
Either way, it's not that simple because it's simply belief. Even when you know it's just about belief, you still have to make yourself believe something, and that isn't so simple then is it, especially when you know it's all just about belief.
Sometimes it isn't all just belief, but surely if we COULD just believe that would be enough.
But in the case that mere belief doesn't work... then baby steps, and taking the methodical approach to getting better. Sometimes it's not clear cut and dry as "JUST DO IT!" because there are good reasons to why there is an obstacle and you need to adress that. Otherwise it'll just make things worse.
In many cases its not that simple. Sometimes we have to just take baby steps. Sometimes, it's our belief in the need for baby steps that makes us need baby steps.
Either way, it's not that simple because it's simply belief. Even when you know it's just about belief, you still have to make yourself believe something, and that isn't so simple then is it, especially when you know it's all just about belief.
Sometimes it isn't all just belief, but surely if we COULD just believe that would be enough.
But in the case that mere belief doesn't work... then baby steps, and taking the methodical approach to getting better. Sometimes it's not clear cut and dry as "JUST DO IT!" because there are good reasons to why there is an obstacle and you need to adress that. Otherwise it'll just make things worse.
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So, you are essentially saying the same thing I said, just sugarcoat it to make it seem easier or more accessible. The point is, irrespective of the actual approach to solving the problem, one "just has to do it".
You can plan and study the problem all you want. Eventually it boils down to action. If you remain inactive, your problem will remain, no matter how much you know about the reasons.
Kat
Well-known member
People’s judgments on here get clouded because of their negative thoughts, they need an outside perspective to challenge that negativity. Yes, it is easier said than done but nobody said it wasn’t.
There has to be something you do have, we often overlook and take the things we can do and have for granted. It may seem minor to you but acknowledging the small things is moving in the right direction of feeling better. You already know thinking negative makes you feel bad so what do you have to lose to try and think positive about yourself?
You can read, write, obviously know how to operate a computer and post on forums, you may not realize it but there’s a lot of people that don’t know how to and don’t even like computers. You made a post I bet there’s a lot of sp’ers out there that aren’t able to do that yet.
We, all have short comings even the people who appear to have it all. You have to try and figure out the qualities you want and work towards getting them, you may try and fail along the way but you will learn more about your likes and dislikes. There’s always the negative aspect like dislikes but if you discover your likes you can hone in and do them more and become good at it and use it to feel happy when you feel down.
There has to be something you do have, we often overlook and take the things we can do and have for granted. It may seem minor to you but acknowledging the small things is moving in the right direction of feeling better. You already know thinking negative makes you feel bad so what do you have to lose to try and think positive about yourself?
You can read, write, obviously know how to operate a computer and post on forums, you may not realize it but there’s a lot of people that don’t know how to and don’t even like computers. You made a post I bet there’s a lot of sp’ers out there that aren’t able to do that yet.
We, all have short comings even the people who appear to have it all. You have to try and figure out the qualities you want and work towards getting them, you may try and fail along the way but you will learn more about your likes and dislikes. There’s always the negative aspect like dislikes but if you discover your likes you can hone in and do them more and become good at it and use it to feel happy when you feel down.
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aizome
Active member
in my experience, the people i've met with SA/SP are very bright and switched on people that nonetheless still have issues with grappling this illness. yes, some may respond to this kind of 'tough love' where you don't 'sugarcoat' it, but most don't. none of us are morons, and due to our alienation we have a lot of time to think. if the answer was so clear cut, so universal, i believe we would have all figured it out and this problem would no longer exist.
the way everyone deals with pretty much everything is different. we all need different things, different help, different advice, because nobody's situation is exactly the same as the next person's. personally, when i read your post i just felt worse about myself. if you have all the answers and i'm reading them, why can't i just go do something right now? fix everything? because your solution is not my solution, and it may not be anyone elses'.
baby steps are key. let's not forget how this situation can often close in on a person and make them feel like life is no longer worth living, one thing, one setback, can be potentially catastrophic to us. it's not sugarcoating. a lot of us have had hard lives and smacking us around with an iron fist really doesn't help, especially since most of us have heard these very things before and it hasn't changed anything.
when did kind support become such a crime?
no1
Banned
The problem with a lot of advice given these days.. the "tough love" thing... people are failing to realize that the new generations simply do not respond well to fear based advice which simply tells you to "do it otherwise you're fear will come true". That's focusing on the negative aspects and trying ot get someone to do something by making them fearful or just being outright offensive and antagonizing the person (even if the adviser doesn't realize this).
People much better respond to positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcements, or putdowns.
People much better respond to positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcements, or putdowns.
What country are you in? Could be a lot worse y'know. You could live in Mogadishu, Somalia. A lawless city.
Your real problem is probably not your situation but your attitude. If you want these things like friends or whatever else then you should try to do something about it.
I am doing everything I can to waste my life. My philosophy about life is to survive comfortably until it is over. That's what I want. Part of me thinks though that I will regret that a lot when I get older and sense death is near.
Your real problem is probably not your situation but your attitude. If you want these things like friends or whatever else then you should try to do something about it.
I am doing everything I can to waste my life. My philosophy about life is to survive comfortably until it is over. That's what I want. Part of me thinks though that I will regret that a lot when I get older and sense death is near.
People with SA aren't necessarily more intelligent than the rest of the human population. And while the vast majority of you isn't, some certainly are morons.
Look, the answer is that clear cut and simple. Do something about it. As none of us knows that guy's individual problems, that is the only possible response. It is not given what kind of obstacles he has to overcome, hence you can't weave that into your advice to him. Whether you say "just do it" or "do it in 'baby steps'" comes down to the very same thing.
There was no solution, as I had no problem in the first place. I just thought I had a problem - the moment I realized that my life is close to being perfect, all my imagined problems disappeared, practically overnight. It's all in your head.
Yes, because you aren't susceptible to advice, since you are convinced that your problem is a deeply rooted, complex issue, which requires an equally complex solution, which probably is so hard to implement that your willpower isn't enough to even begin doing it.
"Baby step-style advice" only makes it look worse than it actually is.
I admit that for some this may be true - some do have really bad problems - but it simply isn't for the majority of those who make self-pity threads. Especially when someone complains about being "too <insert some negative, superficial, irrelevant characteristic>", it's ofttimes clear that the person's issues boil down to an attitude problem. And the solution is to get out and see life as it truly is.
You don't help anyone by giving him the pity that he yearns for. The OP said,
I'm such a sad lonely fu*k
what is this statement supposed to provoke? Honestly, feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is won't change anything. And if others join in on this pity-party, you only reinforce the already messed up thoughts in everyone involved.
aizome
Active member
i think i missed the point where he asked for help. i remember leaving this forum a while ago for this precise reason - there is always someone here who thinks they have all the answers and is so militant and near forceful about it that it just makes everyone feel like crap.
i remember leaving this forum a while ago for this precise reason - there is always someone here who thinks they have all the answers and is so militant and near forceful about it that it just makes everyone feel like crap.He opened up a thread and complained. Why would he do that? Because he wants others to comment on it, to suggest a solution, or to make him feel better.
Build a bridge. I have one answer - my answer. It works for me and would work for many other people. I am not saying that it works for him. All I say is that making things seem little and cute by sugarcoating reality doesn't help, and that it doesn't matter how you say "just do it". Whatever your well thought-out solution is, it won't solve your problem if you don't put it into practice.
Lea
Banned
People’s judgments on here get clouded because of their negative thoughts, they need an outside perspective to challenge that negativity. Yes, it is easier said than done but nobody said it wasn’t.
There has to be something you do have, we often overlook and take the things we can do and have for granted. It may seem minor to you but acknowledging the small things is moving in the right direction of feeling better. You already know thinking negative makes you feel bad so what do you have to lose to try and think positive about yourself?
You can read, write, obviously know how to operate a computer and post on forums, you may not realize it but there’s a lot of people that don’t know how to and don’t even like computers. You made a post I bet there’s a lot of sp’ers out there that aren’t able to do that yet.
We, all have short comings even the people who appear to have it all. You have to try and figure out the qualities you want and work towards getting them, you may try and fail along the way but you will learn more about your likes and dislikes. There’s always the negative aspect like dislikes but if you discover your likes you can hone in and do them more and become good at it and use it to feel happy when you feel down.
Listen to her, she always gives great advice