I feel like I’m wasting my life and I can’t do **** about it

[Kat]

Listen to her, she always gives great advice

aw, I learnt from the best. The people like you

 

[lyricalliaisons]

The problem with a lot of advice given these days.. the "tough love" thing... people are failing to realize that the new generations simply do not respond well to fear based advice which simply tells you to "do it otherwise you're fear will come true". That's focusing on the negative aspects and trying ot get someone to do something by making them fearful or just being outright offensive and antagonizing the person (even if the adviser doesn't realize this).

People much better respond to positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcements, or putdowns.

I completely agree with you.

 

[Lea]

Listen to her, she always gives great advice

Been there, done that. I learned 3 languages, travelled a lot for example. But the thing is, if you are bad at contact with people, you will never bring it anywhere significant in life. You can hardly get a good job or feel comfortable there etc. Because everything is about communication with people. Unless you're really good at some skill which I am not and if I go to school to learn it, I will not be able to concentrate because of nervosity. Something you can learn at home but to a healthy development you really need the contact with people. Plus, even if you could do some things in spite of how you are, it will get you often so depressed that you give up, asking what is the point. To be an educated weirdo who doesn't know how to tie his shoelaces?

I don't want to offend anyone with my negativity, I just write it because it's the hard truth I have to deal with. I do try in life though, I always do. I just see my possibilites are VERY limited.

 

[Kat]

Been there, done that. I learned 3 languages, travelled a lot for example. But the thing is, if you are bad at contact with people, you will never bring it anywhere significant in life. You can hardly get a good job or feel comfortable there etc. Because everything is about communication with people. Unless you're really good at some skill which I am not and if I go to school to learn it, I will not be able to concentrate because of nervosity. Something you can learn at home but to a healthy development you really need the contact with people. Plus, even if you could do some things in spite of how you are, it will get you often so depressed that you give up, asking what is the point. To be an educated weirdo who doesn't know how to tie his shoelaces?

I don't want to offend anyone with my negativity, I just write it because it's the hard truth I have to deal with. I do try in life though, I always do. I just see my possibilites are VERY limited.

Well, the main thing is you try. There is a saying Courage is not the absence of fear. Sometimes we must do despite how we feel.

I know you feel horrible doing these things and you may not be able to do the things to your fullest potential because of your anxiety. No one can guarantee that it will ever go away. You may be able to alleviate it from time to time but not have it out of your life like you want it to be, but you focusing on what you can’t do and what you may-be missing out on because of your anxiety isn’t focusing on the small things you can do now.

You may feel you end up at square one with the negative feelings and circumstance but it’s all what you choose to focus on and the bad thing is the more we practice being negative the better we come at it, like a skill.

So, that says it is achievable to practice being positive life may not reflect our attitude but we can’t always control life but we can strive to lessen the wounds it tries to inflict on us.

 

[LockieKermit]

I agree with whats been said. The only way to make yourselfs better is to actully get out and try. It depresses me to log on and see all these posts of "I have no talent, Life sucks, everyone hates me, I will never get a girlfriend"

Anyways I just wanted to add that and to say that everyone can get better whether it be SA, SP, OCD etc but you have to actully put in the effort.

 

[Lea]

Well, the main thing is you try. There is a saying Courage is not the absence of fear. Sometimes we must do despite how we feel.

I know you feel horrible doing these things and you may not be able to do the things to your fullest potential because of your anxiety. No one can guarantee that it will ever go away. You may be able to alleviate it from time to time but not have it out of your life like you want it to be, but you focusing on what you can’t do and what you may-be missing out on because of your anxiety isn’t focusing on the small things you can do now.

You may feel you end up at square one with the negative feelings and circumstance but it’s all what you choose to focus on and the bad thing is the more we practice being negative the better we come at it, like a skill.

So, that says it is achievable to practice being positive life may not reflect our attitude but we can’t always control life but we can strive to lessen the wounds it tries to inflict on us.

Yes, it's true of course. I agree with that, I only felt the need to say what I have because it's true as well.

 

[freestylemonster]

Life is what YOU make it. It's not up to anybody but yourself to make you happy. I have a total of 3 friends. One of them lives in an entirely different city and comes to visit only a few times a year, another one has tons of other friends and always forgets about me, and another one I do hang out with on occasion. I've never had a girlfriend in my life, and I do almost everything alone. It's safe to say I really don't have a life! And yet I'm a very happy guy! I may do a lot of things alone but at least I'm doing things and enjoying them! And every day I become a little closer to getting over my SA.

Happiness is all about your attitude towards life. If you constantly tell yourself "I'll be happy when I have (insert whatever you want)" or "I'll be happy when I acheive (insert whatever you want to acheive)" you'll NEVER be happy because you'll always want more! Because there will always be something else that you need before you can be happy.

There's a quote from Lau Tsu that I particularily like: "Once people realise that enough is enough, they will always have enough"

You already have everything you need to be the happiest person alive! You just gotta learn to love yourself and realize that you can be your own best friend. Then you'll never feel alone and you can squeeze every last drop out of every moment you live and when you die you'll have no regrets!!

 

[combat]

Been there, done that. I learned 3 languages, travelled a lot for example. But the thing is, if you are bad at contact with people, you will never bring it anywhere significant in life. You can hardly get a good job or feel comfortable there etc. Because everything is about communication with people. Unless you're really good at some skill which I am not and if I go to school to learn it, I will not be able to concentrate because of nervosity. Something you can learn at home but to a healthy development you really need the contact with people. Plus, even if you could do some things in spite of how you are, it will get you often so depressed that you give up, asking what is the point. To be an educated weirdo who doesn't know how to tie his shoelaces?

I don't want to offend anyone with my negativity, I just write it because it's the hard truth I have to deal with. I do try in life though, I always do. I just see my possibilites are VERY limited.

I can't say this would work for everyone, but I got rid of a lot of my painful shyness by deliberately putting myself in situations where I simply had to have a lot of contact and interactions with other people. My particular dream career choice required it, so I knew I needed to get over a lot of my fears to get what I wanted in life. Before I got my job I signed up at a volunteer organization where I had to work together with others as well as strangers regularly. My senior year in high school (I moved and thus had a fresh start at a new school) I decided to try to be a little more outgoing, ie. I would say hello to classmates in the halls and stuff. Not protracted conversations, just simple waves/greetings. I also spoke up a lot more in class discussions (it was ****ing hard as hell, I thought I was going to suffocate and get a heart attack sometimes with my hand raised waiting to be called on, but I forced myself anyway). I built up a lot of confidence in myself that way once I realized that there are people who respected what I had to say.

Then in college I got a part time job working in a small team in an office environment. I learned how to deal with phone calls and interacting with customers. These days I have zero problems with any of that stuff. I also had a great personable and very talkative boss, so that really eased things up for me. The coffee machine was also located in that office, so other teams in the building would come in and make small talk about the news or latest goings on around the place. Yeah, I was still known as the "quiet guy" but I didn't let it bother me, as I knew it wasn't meant as an insult. It's just part of my personality. That doesn't mean it needs to define me either though.

That being said, I am still a total mess when it comes to more personal, intimate relationships. But the bottom line is at some point you really just have to force yourself to do something about it. And it does get a little easier once you do. I don't think it can all be done at once, but start with something small and work from there. It's like learning a musical instrument... just because you are bad at it doesn't mean that you can't improve. We just have to put in a lot of effort and practice. And there are a lot of great people in the world who really just don't care if you come off as a little "weird"...

 

[Lea]

All practice in the world will not help me anymore than did until now. I will always be weird as I have asperger syndrome. I may not seem to have it on the first sight, I have no problem on the phone or talking to people, but I will always have problems with nonverbal communication, eye contact. And even if you are a "little bit weird", it can have a huge impact in your jobs, where they watch your evey move and every deviation from normality can get you fired.

 

[combat]

All practice in the world will not help me anymore than did until now. I will always be weird as I have asperger syndrome. I may not seem to have it on the first sight, I have no problem on the phone or talking to people, but I will always have problems with nonverbal communication, eye contact. And even if you are a "little bit weird", it can have a huge impact in your jobs, where they watch your evey move and every deviation from normality can get you fired.

Why would it get you fired as long as you're doing a good job? Is this just a fear you have of what you think will happen or are you speaking from past experience?

 

[no1]

ok just to clear up some misunderstandings. It's just most people believe that things must be done the hard way, and that it's the only way. This is not the case. Only ego makes gets in the way, nothing else. There need not be such a struggle.

So no, it has nothing to do with "being fearful".

So people who push on you that you must experience pain, and suffering and there's no other way, I'm not saying that it can't be done, but it's not the only way. And, I'm also not making a judgement on the person giving the advice because he/she may have just been misled to thinking that life is only struggle and hardship, and things must only be done the hard way.

The babystep advice is not to be taken as something only "irrationally fearful" people would take. What if you aren't fearful, but you just know what the chances would be if you threw yourself out of the fryer and into the fire? Or being thrown into a lion's den without having been trained to fight lions. It just isn't smart.

Sure a lot of times, the ego gets in the way also, tends to make u believe things that aren't true, but that's not what I'm talking about.

So forget the baby-step advice. Just be smart. Simple as that. Do it, but also be smart about it. Don't rush into things with the wrong mindset and inadequate preparation.

 

[Lea]

Why would it get you fired as long as you're doing a good job? Is this just a fear you have of what you think will happen or are you speaking from past experience?

Yes, past experience. I used to live and work in so many families.. as an au-pair and later a carer. I had no problem with keeping the job when I was working as a carer just visiting people, because it was a ****ty low paid job, but once you live in with the people, it almost never goes well. I have one of these before me now but I'm so pessimistic that I already look for something else because I know how it will end up. I think I got even more paranoid with time than I was.. because I just know the scenario.

No1, I totally agree with you. Did extroverted happy people have to learn anything? Of course not, it came to them naturally. You either have it effortlessly and if not, you cannot get it with effort. Besides if you do something with effort, it's no longer natural. I am not against effort of course which is always good to exert, I am talking about that you can't force yourself to act against your nature..

 

[combat]

Yes, past experience. I used to live and work in so many families.. as an au-pair and later a carer. I had no problem with keeping the job when I was working as a carer just visiting people, because it was a ****ty low paid job, but once you live in with the people, it almost never goes well. I have one of these before me now but I'm so pessimistic that I already look for something else because I know how it will end up. I think I got even more paranoid with time than I was.. because I just know the scenario.

Hmm... well, that's a bit of an atypical work scenario anyway. Most jobs you aren't around the people 24/7. So, yeah, I can see how that would be much more of an issue then.

 

[Weirdo]

Klytus if your life is so perfect, how come you have over 500 posts here? Just curious...

 

[Annmarie Edward]

I keep reading other people’s blogs to see what it’s like to be alive..to have friends, to be in love…
I day dream about being someone else, someone good looking, smart, popular, successful who’s loved and admired by people…….things I wish I had.

I'm such a sad lonely fu*k

You seem to have some sort of clinical depression, have you tried to consult with psychiatrist ?

Well, apart from that you should have a goal. With objective to pursue you will unconsciously build self-esteem. Good luck.

 

[klytus]

Klytus if your life is so perfect, how come you have over 500 posts here? Just curious...

My life is different to the standard human's. I don't need lots of friends, or social activities to be happy or content with myself. I spend my days studying what I am interested in, and it doesn't take too much time to respond to a couple of threads here every second day. And the realization that my life is great is something more recent. I made most of those posts prior to understanding the nature of (my) life.