I've had a difficult time connecting with people my whole life. I feel like I can't relate to anyone around me - nobody seems to have the same interests as I do and I don't find the same things interesting and funny. My roommate cracks jokes all the time and I find myself feigning laughter, or I don't understand why they're jokes at all. I've been told I have no personality, no sense of humor. Whenever I have a conversation with someone around my age who's very outgoing I tend to zone out during conversation because I find a lot of the things they talk about to be meaningless and irrelevant. I used to get called on in class by teachers and was so nervous that I couldn't answer the simplest questions. I got a reputation of being slow, and nobody wanted to associate with me.
I don’t allow myself develop addictions to anything, physically harmful or not. I hardly watch TV so I don’t have a favorite TV show that I must watch every week, I don’t care or get hyped up about sports teams. I can’t stand reality television. Being in college I'm surrounded by people who enjoy watching sports on television (this causes my eyes to glaze over), being involved with every sport possible, bowling, texting, and going out partying over the weekends. I don't find any of these activities interesting in the slightest. I'd rather stay in my dorm all week doing quiet activities, like reading a book, drawing, or surfing online. My parents wonder why I'm not a normal college kid and why I'm not at all like my polar opposite chatterbox of a younger brother. The only friend I have is my roommate, and I still don't share every aspect of myself with her.
I feel so distant from other people. I'm happy that I am distant to avoid getting hurt, but paradoxically sometimes I want to be just like them and wish I knew how to fit in with other people. I don't think there's a person on this planet who really knows who I am.