why do guys suck so much?!
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iamthenra
Well-known member
Let me see... This can go both ways you know...both sexes can be a real pain in the buttocks. My mother beat me as a child... Hmmm? When I was a child how do you think I felt about women? It isn't good to stereotype all people irregardless of sex, nationality, or whatever... I know there are allot of bad guys out there, but not as many as you say there is... Maybe you just need to select better people to hang around?
*sigh* i know im being completely one-sided, but at this point, it just makes me think, did all the douchebags just happen to be anywhere & everywhere i am? it's hard enough for me to meet people, but add my trust issues into that & it comes close to being "mission: impossible" to find a normal guy.
i've been called abrasive, hostile, heartless, cold, etc, simply because i can't warm up to guys, even the ones im crazy for.
what happened? hm, well, there is this one guy, who i thought was great, that he could actually understand me [since he had his own mental health issues a couple years back], who told me he was head over heels for me, that he would do anything for me, basically would say all my "fairy-tale" day-dream things, but i still couldn't function around him, he would hug me & even with that, i'd squirm & try to push him away & make up excuses, which he took for me not caring about him in the least bit. finally, he's like, you can't even normally tell me that you like me, you've said it maybe a maximum of 3 times in the last 2 months, so i'm just done, i'm stopping all of this completely.
well, he did stop, in fact, he now treats me as if nothing happened. and he constantly tells me about this one chick [who i cannot stand; too fake, too "perfect" or at least trying to be, too back-stabbing] & how cute of a couple they would be together & how he should go for it. & of course, he never fails to mention to me that they're hanging out or going somewhere or doing something. i don't know why, but i have this insane, irrational hate towards her..& i am not like that at all, i don't know if i've ever truly hated someone before this. oddly enough, our group of friends have been gossiping about those 2 being together for a good 4 months now, & i constantly kept asking him, or at least joking around about it, & he would get so pissed, he'd cut me off mid-sentence & tell me how ****ing sick he was of everyone spreading those things around & how i shouldn't be so ignorant as to actually believe them. well, as soon as "we" were done, i saw pictures of her sitting on his lap, him whispering into her ear, them sitting together, with her legs on top of his.. & idk, the emotional pain is unbearable! & he constantly has to point it out.. because he knows just how much i hate her. jealousy is a heartless bitch..& apparently, so are most of the guys i meet. :'(
i've been called abrasive, hostile, heartless, cold, etc, simply because i can't warm up to guys, even the ones im crazy for.
what happened? hm, well, there is this one guy, who i thought was great, that he could actually understand me [since he had his own mental health issues a couple years back], who told me he was head over heels for me, that he would do anything for me, basically would say all my "fairy-tale" day-dream things, but i still couldn't function around him, he would hug me & even with that, i'd squirm & try to push him away & make up excuses, which he took for me not caring about him in the least bit. finally, he's like, you can't even normally tell me that you like me, you've said it maybe a maximum of 3 times in the last 2 months, so i'm just done, i'm stopping all of this completely.
well, he did stop, in fact, he now treats me as if nothing happened. and he constantly tells me about this one chick [who i cannot stand; too fake, too "perfect" or at least trying to be, too back-stabbing] & how cute of a couple they would be together & how he should go for it. & of course, he never fails to mention to me that they're hanging out or going somewhere or doing something. i don't know why, but i have this insane, irrational hate towards her..& i am not like that at all, i don't know if i've ever truly hated someone before this. oddly enough, our group of friends have been gossiping about those 2 being together for a good 4 months now, & i constantly kept asking him, or at least joking around about it, & he would get so pissed, he'd cut me off mid-sentence & tell me how ****ing sick he was of everyone spreading those things around & how i shouldn't be so ignorant as to actually believe them. well, as soon as "we" were done, i saw pictures of her sitting on his lap, him whispering into her ear, them sitting together, with her legs on top of his.. & idk, the emotional pain is unbearable! & he constantly has to point it out.. because he knows just how much i hate her. jealousy is a heartless bitch..& apparently, so are most of the guys i meet. :'(
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iamthenra
Well-known member
At least your meeting the opposite sex... Some of us can't even do that because of SA or because the opposite sex won't give us a chance.... Some of us will die virgins because of our SA... You're just meeting the wrong people, and I do consider you one of the lucky ones to be able to meet others...
recluse
Well-known member
Oh, now i understand. Well your hate towards that girl is not irrational because you have a reason to hate her, if i was in your shoes i'd hate that b too!
What he is doing to you by rubbing it in your face is emotional abuse, and it's out of order, he sounds immature!
I suggest you find a nice guy who understands your condition, like Recluse:
:but is it worth it that all i end up doing is retreating back into myself & being more damaged than before? and then having a constant fear that everyone & anyone is simply trying to use me & doesnt actually care about me?
Oh, now i understand. Well your hate towards that girl is not irrational because you have a reason to hate her, if i was in your shoes i'd hate that b too!
What he is doing to you by rubbing it in your face is emotional abuse, and it's out of order, he sounds immature!
I suggest you find a nice guy who understands your condition, like Recluse:
but i dont understand, i actually feel rage when i think about her with him..that's definitely a new experience.. & yeah, he is extremely immature..but what can i do? whats funny is, before, i didn't find him the least bit attractive [when apparently everyone else did, since he's been with absolutely everyone in our mutual friends], just a fun guy..& now i can't stop thinking about it, even when i know i shouldn't because it's not even worth it.
haha thanks recluse, you're sweet....he's been with absolutely everyone in our mutual friends...
That's never a good sign ! He sounds like a player.
Yes, jealousy is indeed a heartless bitch, I know A LOT about jealousy ! Maybe this quote will help : "Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them"; avoid seeing them for a while, if possible, and EVERYTIME you think about them ... "together", FORCE yourself to think about something else. Works for me. The human brain can't multitask. -- You look and sound like a sweet girl, you will find the right guy, I'm sure. You just have to be a little bit more careful and learn to look beyond the facade.
Tell your next boyfriend you want to take it slow, because you have been hurt before. If he truly cares about you, he'll understand. Hmm, maybe you should do everything in "slowmotion"; friendship -> first touch -> first kiss --> boyfriend/girlfriend status -> more touching & kissing -------> sex. Stretch the whole thing over a longer period of time, so you get used to it. ... Practice on an unattractive shy guy
oy, tell me about it. trust me, i've thought about it multiple times, since i've had insane trust issues ever since i can remember..but he was basically pursuing me for 4+ months..he changed compeltely too. before, he used to be this drinker, partier, hanging out every day with his friends, sleeping with everything he could get his hands on [& apparently, that was a lot, since almost every girl i know fell for him, hard]...but he changed, even other people started to notice it. he started getting super clingy & calling & texting me all the time.. idk, it was simply strange.. & then he realized that i'm damaged, that i have this extreme irrational fear of getting close to guys, even holding hands..& we got into a huge fight & he just gave up. in a matter of about less than 24 hours, he became distant & just mean. he stopped calling, stopped texting..the only time i see him is in our philosophy class.. which is another thing standing in the way of me not picking at this wound..i see him almost every day. & it's getting to be too much. it's funny, he basically became my best guy friend, since i could come to him depressed & ready to jump off a bulding & just by being there, he'd make me completely forget about all my problems..
violentvalentine
Active member
Men do suck balls sometimes. I used to have the worse ex in the world. A lil ass kicking will put them in line.
haha hell yes! care to join me? let's do it!
AmunetSide
Active member
I sometimes think the Asshole gene resides firmly in the Y-Chromosome. But some of the most hateful people I know are women. Bleh.
just thought i'd update for those of you who actually wish to know about what's going on with me..& i guess, it's also for me to just vent & talk about it before it eats me alive:
so i think yesterday was just about the most difficult day for me..i had a class with him again. i was actually on the bus to my uni & texting my friend [cuz she's having extreme man issues as well, so we're supporting each other] & i was listening to my angry rock music to get him off my mind, telling my friend, Kelly, how we're gonna be ok because we have each other, the guys that lost us are the dumbasses, not us... when i get a text..from him, asking me where i was. i immediately got the panicky feeling back, stomache doing somersaults, heart beating so fast that i thought it was going to jump out of my chest, not being able to breathe normally, basically, the works. but anyways, my psycho-ness aside, i decided not to text him back.. [last time he asked me that & i replied, he never showed & then he told me he was hanging out with some other russian chicks, so what's the point?].
then, i get to my next class, but i had about 30min [ha, so i read diagonally parked in a parallel universe ] then, someone comes up & sits next to me, i didnt even have to look up to see who it was, i already knew. so he says "why didnt you tell me you were here? no text, no call?" so i said, "well, i did last time, but you didnt bother to show up, so i figured, there's no point either way". & he says to me, "wow, what's up yours?" [i should also mention that after he said this, i had such a HUGE urge to say, "idk, but i sure know what's up her's..& i'm sure you already know too."..her, being the chick i wrote about before, the biyotch i can't stand, let's call her samantha.. now that i think about it, i shouldve said that, but i guess i'd rather be the bigger man..haha i'm so proud of myself for this].
anyyyways, so i asked him what was up, how was his halloween, etc. & he told me that he was severely depressed & he felt like he was going back to his old mental place again [a little bit ago, he was diagnosed with paraoid schizophrenia..or something like that]. he said there's nothing going well for him. & then he said that he hates himself & he said he can't stand samantha anymore, that she's incredibly annoying & a horribly mean person. & so i asked if i was right, about them. & he sighed & looked down, as he mumbled a quick & quiet "yes". so i asked him, how long. & he told me, only for about a week & a half. & he can't take her anymore. so i said, "what, does that suprise you, that she's getting on your nerves already?", he gave me a dirty look, then he said, "this is why i feel like i can't tell you anything, because you're always so fkn sarcastic all the time" then he said, "i hate myself, i change & manipulate people to get what i want. i am different with different people, i morph into who i think i should be for that person...and i feel like with you, i changed for all the wrong reasons. & what's worse, is it's become like second nature to me, so i don't even realize what i'm doing until much, much later. & you may hate me after this, *long pause* but i manipulated you & i'm sorry."... i just kinda sat there & stared at the ceiling, trying to calm myself down & push my panic back into it's place. i then told him, whatever, it doesn't matter anymore, as we proceeded to walk into our lecture hall... after class ended, i told him to go ahead & not wait for me, since i had to speak to our proff & he just said, "fine, see you" & left, no usual hug, no look back, nothing.
later, i texted him & said i was sorry for being sarcastic, since i didn't know his depression was that bad... in fact, he told me that it was so bad, that he was thinking of going back to his old psychologist, but he can't afford it & he can't go to someone new.. & i felt so bad for him.. but what's worse, is when he was telling me how terrible he was & how unhappy he was, i felt this insane, perverse, happy feeling. this disgusting gratification, that he was feeling so terrible, kinda like "i'm suffering, so i'm happy that he is too." & i hate myself for that feeling. how could i possibly like a person & care about them, when i'm glad that they're suffering? god, i'm messed up...
anyways, when he texted me back, he said that i shouldnt worry about it, that he just wanted to tell me & to apologize, with a little dose of actually wanting to get everything off his chest. to which i said that although he apologized, it simply doesnt matter anymore, that he pretty much emotionally abused me [only thanks to Recluse was i able to see that] & that the damage is done already. & he said, "it matters to me, & i know, i'm so sorry." & i said, "what matters most to me is how quickly you bounced back." which he didnt get, so i said, "you were with her, not even a week [if not more] after we were over with." to which he just replied with a simple "ugh". i then decided to leave it alone, theres no point anyways.. but a couple hours later, something occured to me, when he told me he manipulated me, did he mean that he never actually had feelings for me, that he actually just faked it all, just to get something he couldnt have? & i asked him that. he responded telling me that the only thing he truly knows is that his feelings for me were completely real, but he just tried to manipulate me & to mold me into the girl he wanted me to be, & he was sorry for that. all i could answer was a simple "oh", which i suppose confused him, so i said, "i dont really know what to say to that. you say you truly cared about me, but that you manipulated me, yet i don't give a rat's arse about you manipulating me. what hurts me the most is that you were with her"... & he never responded. but frankly, idc anymore. it doesnt matter. the damage is done.
so now, all i have is my depression, my SA, my wounds, my mom, my best friend & my music. & i guess that's fine. i've dealt with this before, i'll get through this again. all i can say is that life just sucks sometimes.
so i think yesterday was just about the most difficult day for me..i had a class with him again. i was actually on the bus to my uni & texting my friend [cuz she's having extreme man issues as well, so we're supporting each other] & i was listening to my angry rock music to get him off my mind, telling my friend, Kelly, how we're gonna be ok because we have each other, the guys that lost us are the dumbasses, not us... when i get a text..from him, asking me where i was. i immediately got the panicky feeling back, stomache doing somersaults, heart beating so fast that i thought it was going to jump out of my chest, not being able to breathe normally, basically, the works. but anyways, my psycho-ness aside, i decided not to text him back.. [last time he asked me that & i replied, he never showed & then he told me he was hanging out with some other russian chicks, so what's the point?].
then, i get to my next class, but i had about 30min [ha, so i read diagonally parked in a parallel universe
] then, someone comes up & sits next to me, i didnt even have to look up to see who it was, i already knew. so he says "why didnt you tell me you were here? no text, no call?" so i said, "well, i did last time, but you didnt bother to show up, so i figured, there's no point either way". & he says to me, "wow, what's up yours?" [i should also mention that after he said this, i had such a HUGE urge to say, "idk, but i sure know what's up her's..& i'm sure you already know too."..her, being the chick i wrote about before, the biyotch i can't stand, let's call her samantha.. now that i think about it, i shouldve said that, but i guess i'd rather be the bigger man..haha i'm so proud of myself for this].anyyyways, so i asked him what was up, how was his halloween, etc. & he told me that he was severely depressed & he felt like he was going back to his old mental place again [a little bit ago, he was diagnosed with paraoid schizophrenia..or something like that]. he said there's nothing going well for him. & then he said that he hates himself & he said he can't stand samantha anymore, that she's incredibly annoying & a horribly mean person. & so i asked if i was right, about them. & he sighed & looked down, as he mumbled a quick & quiet "yes". so i asked him, how long. & he told me, only for about a week & a half. & he can't take her anymore. so i said, "what, does that suprise you, that she's getting on your nerves already?", he gave me a dirty look, then he said, "this is why i feel like i can't tell you anything, because you're always so fkn sarcastic all the time" then he said, "i hate myself, i change & manipulate people to get what i want. i am different with different people, i morph into who i think i should be for that person...and i feel like with you, i changed for all the wrong reasons. & what's worse, is it's become like second nature to me, so i don't even realize what i'm doing until much, much later. & you may hate me after this, *long pause* but i manipulated you & i'm sorry."... i just kinda sat there & stared at the ceiling, trying to calm myself down & push my panic back into it's place. i then told him, whatever, it doesn't matter anymore, as we proceeded to walk into our lecture hall... after class ended, i told him to go ahead & not wait for me, since i had to speak to our proff & he just said, "fine, see you" & left, no usual hug, no look back, nothing.
later, i texted him & said i was sorry for being sarcastic, since i didn't know his depression was that bad... in fact, he told me that it was so bad, that he was thinking of going back to his old psychologist, but he can't afford it & he can't go to someone new.. & i felt so bad for him.. but what's worse, is when he was telling me how terrible he was & how unhappy he was, i felt this insane, perverse, happy feeling. this disgusting gratification, that he was feeling so terrible, kinda like "i'm suffering, so i'm happy that he is too." & i hate myself for that feeling. how could i possibly like a person & care about them, when i'm glad that they're suffering? god, i'm messed up...
anyways, when he texted me back, he said that i shouldnt worry about it, that he just wanted to tell me & to apologize, with a little dose of actually wanting to get everything off his chest. to which i said that although he apologized, it simply doesnt matter anymore, that he pretty much emotionally abused me [only thanks to Recluse was i able to see that] & that the damage is done already. & he said, "it matters to me, & i know, i'm so sorry." & i said, "what matters most to me is how quickly you bounced back." which he didnt get, so i said, "you were with her, not even a week [if not more] after we were over with." to which he just replied with a simple "ugh". i then decided to leave it alone, theres no point anyways.. but a couple hours later, something occured to me, when he told me he manipulated me, did he mean that he never actually had feelings for me, that he actually just faked it all, just to get something he couldnt have? & i asked him that. he responded telling me that the only thing he truly knows is that his feelings for me were completely real, but he just tried to manipulate me & to mold me into the girl he wanted me to be, & he was sorry for that. all i could answer was a simple "oh", which i suppose confused him, so i said, "i dont really know what to say to that. you say you truly cared about me, but that you manipulated me, yet i don't give a rat's arse about you manipulating me. what hurts me the most is that you were with her"... & he never responded. but frankly, idc anymore. it doesnt matter. the damage is done.
so now, all i have is my depression, my SA, my wounds, my mom, my best friend & my music. & i guess that's fine. i've dealt with this before, i'll get through this again. all i can say is that life just sucks sometimes.
i completely agree. i can't stand girls, actually, other than my 3 best friends...& even they're sometimes hard to take. i love nothing more than hanging out with guys, they're so easygoing.
Wow exquisite it seems we both have serious relationship problems. I have a few thoughts but I am reluctant to give you any advice since I think you have more experience than I do. It does seem very painful, but I think its largely your SA talking, and not the guy. He doesnt seem much worst than most women Ive met (both friends and lovers).