Experience at Club - Fail With 2 Girls In A Row

[Phobologist]

I had a crushing experience at the local club tonight. I waited around to talk to girls outside, and the entire time I kept thinking how superior the other guys were, and how none of the girls would like me.

I started a conversation with one hot girl, and after only a minute, some drunken douche-bag breaks into our conversation, steals the girl from me, and proceeds to chat it up for almost 10 minutes. This girl even insulted him by suggesting he was hitting on her too hard, but this ugly, sloppily dressed, alcohol-breathed fool, had her complete attention. Thinking back on college I can recall this scenario happening a lot, so apparently, girls would rather talk to an ugly douchebag than to me. I feel completely hopeless.

Even worse than this, another very hot girl who was checking me out the entire night, finally came over next to me, and I had a chance to talk to her. She completely lost interest within three minutes and ended up walking off without giving me a chance to get her number.

My first instinct was to believe that I was just unlikeable, but then I recall my promise to be myself no matter what, and I realized I was still acting, trying to be the guy I thought girls would like. Maybe my acting "cool" and non-chalant, made her think I didnt like her? Or maybe I just came accross weird. I don't know, but I can say that I feel crushed and semi-suicidal after this.

Can anyone help me understand what was going on? Is it my fakeness? I was trying not to act...but its so hard. I dont know what to do.

 

[Remus]

If you want us to analyse, see if you can remember your approach and conversation

steals the girl from me, and proceeds to chat it up for almost 10 minutes.

it?

 

[ShyMuppet]

it?

I noticed that too. Funny.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

Tell us how the conversations went.

 

[Bar-AKA-Redzer]

Just do like the fella that stole her from you, Get pissed and act like a douche-bag cause your rite thats what most them girls at those clubs go for fellas like that. Either that or look else where to meet women.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

If you want us to analyse, see if you can remember your approach and conversation



it?

it's a figure of speech, just "chat it up", is a way of saying talked together, i don't think (hope he wasn't) he was saying "chatted with it", lol

"jill and i met at the bar and chatted it up for girls night out"

ya feel me? lol

and as far as the thread goes, i have no comment

 

[Satine]

Hi Phobiologist,

To answer your post:

I had a crushing experience at the local club tonight. I waited around to talk to girls outside, and the entire time I kept thinking how superior the other guys were, and how none of the girls would like me.

If you were deliberately hanging around with no intention of doing anything other than talk to girls, the girls would notice this. Somebody you don't know who seems not to be doing anything, who then comes over and starts having a conversation with you, is not usually the done thing. When was the last time you saw someone standing about somewhere in town who then came over and started talking to you? What would you make of it?

If you'd been obviously waiting for a taxi or having a smoke, you'd very possibly do better. You can always offer the girl a light or just start chatting 'to pass the time'.

But something about a bloke who's just hanging around just wouldn't feel right to me.

I realise there's a big drive among men to chat up women, but I'm afraid you'll need to make it all look convincingly uncontrived.

I started a conversation with one hot girl, and after only a minute, some drunken douche-bag breaks into our conversation, steals the girl from me, and proceeds to chat it up for almost 10 minutes.

Not that I mean to nitpick - indeed, I'm only trying to help - but I get the impression from the above quote that you're not necessarily very happy about women generally. Was it intentional for you to refer to her as 'it'?

This girl even insulted him by suggesting he was hitting on her too hard, but this ugly, sloppily dressed, alcohol-breathed fool, had her complete attention.

Was it a bare-faced insult, or was it a cheeky put-down? Two people flirting with eachother may set up little games with eachother / tease eachother just to see how the other reacts. Someone you fancy, after all, might look all the cuter irritated.

It also helps to tease someone a little to see whether they're the angry type who takes things too seriously, and she may have been testing the water for this. Nobody wants to go home with someone who, at the first sign of resistance / being told 'no' / anything resembling criticism, goes nuts and starts being threatening or wierd.

One other thing about this: while I accept that it was irritating for this guy to float in and get the girl's attention, are you sure you're not being disproportionately angry at him? Did you consider the girl 'yours' at this point, and if so, in what way?

You know yourself that male competition for female attention can be fierce. If he used clever tactics to get female attention, surely he was only doing what comes naturally. Weren't you employing tactics of your own by hanging around trying to chat up girls to start with?

If you want to come out best out of this situation, figure out how he got her attention and consider trying it yourself.

Thinking back on college I can recall this scenario happening a lot, so apparently, girls would rather talk to an ugly douchebag than to me. I feel completely hopeless.

We've all got our attractive points and you may not be familiar with yours. It might be that other guys see you struggling and swoop in to take advantage, it's hard to say. Whatever, you might need to review your conversational tactics.

Even worse than this, another very hot girl who was checking me out the entire night, finally came over next to me, and I had a chance to talk to her. She completely lost interest within three minutes and ended up walking off without giving me a chance to get her number.

Ah yes, you certainly do need to amend your conversational habits if this is happening. It might have been that she, as a person, just wasn't interested; it happens.

If you see a girl you fancy, like you did in her case, why not approach her, rather than waiting for her to approach you?

My first instinct was to believe that I was just unlikeable, but then I recall my promise to be myself no matter what, and I realized I was still acting, trying to be the guy I thought girls would like.

I hate to use a cliche, but try being yourself. It's what you do best. And if you're not happy with that, find something that you want to be, whether it's outgoing, geeky, calm, philosophical, whatever. Be it because you want to be it. If you try to be what 'girls would like', you'll end up trying to be everything at once, and that'll just give confusing messages to those around you.

Maybe my acting "cool" and non-chalant, made her think I didnt like her?

Why pretend not to be interested in someone when you are? How can they know you're interested? Look, it's fine to be interested in a person you fancy. Obsessing over them from the start isn't, and a surprising number of guys do that. Just get the girl's attention, give her a smile or flirt a bit, then move on and look like you're doing what you want, be it concentrating on the music, dancing, enjoying a drink while standing at the edge of the dancefloor - whatever. If she's interested, she might come to you. Whatever happens, it's your best chance. And it's what I'd do.

 

[Jake123]

Guys the "Chat it up" thing is just a figure of speech like Katie said It doesn't imply that anything is an "it"

 

[Satine]

Guys the "Chat it up" thing is just a figure of speech like Katie said It doesn't imply that anything is an "it"

Figure of speech or not, if I ever heard that somebody was calling me an it I'd terminate communication with the guy immediately. I am not an it.

 

[lurknomore]

Figure of speech or not, if I ever heard that somebody was calling me an it I'd terminate communication with the guy immediately. I am not an it.

It doesn't have anything to do with any person involved being an "it." "Chatting it up" is similar to "shooting the breeze" and just means that you're talking.

 

[Satine]

Well, being called an it is how it came across. Rightly or not, any man who said it would not get another chance from me. Surely you see how it could come across badly?

 

[lurknomore]

I guess you'd have to already be familiar with the phrase. The "it" in the phrase is not meant to refer to any one person talking. Everyone in the conversation is "chatting it up" together... I guess the "it" refers to whatever you happen to be talking about.

 

[Bar-AKA-Redzer]

Everyone knows what he meant by "Chatting It Up" means they were talkin.....so off topic much? ::

 

[Satine]

Everyone knows what he meant by "Chatting It Up" means they were talkin.....so off topic much? ::

It genuinely looked to me that he was calling the girl an it. And if he really intended the disrespect that implies, then it might have been very relevant. Not showing basic respect to the opposite sex could easily lead to denying oneself relationship success, even if unintentional.

 

[smff73]

Even worse than this, another very hot girl who was checking me out the entire night, finally came over next to me, and I had a chance to talk to her. She completely lost interest within three minutes and ended up walking off without giving me a chance to get her number.

My first instinct was to believe that I was just unlikeable, but then I recall my promise to be myself no matter what, and I realized I was still acting, trying to be the guy I thought girls would like. Maybe my acting "cool" and non-chalant, made her think I didnt like her? Or maybe I just came accross weird. I don't know, but I can say that I feel crushed and semi-suicidal after this.

I think a lot of people here are missing the point ( with all due respect! ). I think this is where the problem lies, and boy can I relate to it! This happens all the time with me ( all social situations ). Where someone seems interested in talking, then once I start talking to them, they make offski very quickly, as though I'm wierd to talk to ( I must be, it happens often ). I also just think I'm an unlikeable guy, but I'm not sure how I am! And when I do interact with people, their faces tend to glaze over, they start to look unhappy, regardless of if I try and make small talk or not. It's torture, so I can fully identify with the original poster.

On the rejection thing, yeah rejection happens to the most interesting human beings, but if it happens continually, it can wear you down to the stage where you wonder what the point is anymore.

 

[Mikefly]

That's just how people are at clubs you have to be aggresive get up , dance, chat with everygirl there. It's no place for me, but if you like going your just gonna have to have tough skin and if one girl rejects you move on to the next. Everyone is always so drunk there i don't know what your looking for a relationship or a one night stand because women in clubs as well as men are just there looking for one night stands . I wouldn't suggest going to clubs to meet your future girlfriend / wife.

 

[BlackKids]

I am not an it.

statistically your an it

 

[Mikefly]

It genuinely looked to me that he was calling the girl an it. And if he really intended the disrespect that implies, then it might have been very relevant. Not showing basic respect to the opposite sex could easily lead to denying oneself relationship success, even if unintentional.

That's not what he meant at all "Chatting it up" means talking lol. What if he said "Shooting the shit" would u think he was calling her a piece of shit. I don't know how you guys got that he called her and it , that's making a moutain out of a molehill. It's a figure of speech ive heard all my life.

 

[Remus]

it's a figure of speech, just "chat it up", is a way of saying talked together, i don't think (hope he wasn't) he was saying "chatted with it", lol

"jill and i met at the bar and chatted it up for girls night out"

ya feel me? lol

Ahhh an americanism that explains it

OK satine chill now!

 

[redski]

Guys, drop the "it" thing and give him advice!!!
Are we a bunch of English scholars here or what.

This has also happened to me regarding girls+douches.
She might have known the guy or something?

Try to think this way, this depends on what your motive was:
1) Trying to get some practice talking to women in social places
2) Getting laid
3) Just getting to know somebody and see where it goes.

1) Ok, the situation got screwed up but hey at least you got some practice
2) If she went that easily along with the "douche" then you dodged the bullet man
3) You should be happy this happened early, her true colors showed

I would also like to add, do not take it so personally.
This seems like a common thing for people with SA. I talk from experience.
You tried and and you failed but then maybe you didn't fail maybe it was good that it turned out this way.

Hope this makes you feel a little better.