Going up and talking to people

[aj]

Simple question rolleyes.

You're stood outside work. Fairly close to you are a couple of people talking to each other. Minding their own business having a chat but out in the open, not trying to keep away from anyone. You don't know them but they do work in the same place as you. Well... I had this today. I've taken to hanging around outside to try and talk to someone. I was stood there wanting to go up and say 'hi', and I so nearly did it, but there was no chance to get a word in edgeways. Especially when my voice is so quiet and weak - feels like I would have had to just walk up to them and blurt 'hello!!' at the top of my voice over the top of whatever they were saying, which would have been silly.

How do you go up to them? What should I have done?

 

[thor01]

I have the same problem, I'm not sure how to do it.

 

[alter_ego]

Simple question rolleyes.

You're stood outside work. Fairly close to you are a couple of people talking to each other. Minding their own business having a chat but out in the open, not trying to keep away from anyone. You don't know them but they do work in the same place as you. Well... I had this today. I've taken to hanging around outside to try and talk to someone. I was stood there wanting to go up and say 'hi', and I so nearly did it, but there was no chance to get a word in edgeways. Especially when my voice is so quiet and weak - feels like I would have had to just walk up to them and blurt 'hello!!' at the top of my voice over the top of whatever they were saying, which would have been silly.

How do you go up to them? What should I have done?

I was wondering (tho it's not the done thing these days ) were you all outside the building because you were smoking? Because if you were, the easiest thing to break the ice is to ask for a light.

Another couple of ideas - have a bit of a coughing fit and say something like "Hope I'm not getting a cold"...Accidentally drop something - coins are good, people always help pick them up ...

If you don't want to do either tho and ever do manage to catch the eye of one of them, make some comment about the weather - people love talking about the weather and it's the easiest, safest subject in the world.

 

[aj]

Very nearly! I was hanging around the bike stand where people go out to smoke, but I don't myself.

Does it have a lot to do with catching their eye then?

Edit: In fact yes I do have the 'how is it going upstairs [in the call centre]' line ready to go, I just need to get it in there which is what I'm having problems with.

 

[anomicdeer]

haha, maybe I should wait out and hope someone post more good ideas... because I get the same way. And if there is someone I want to talk to, i can try this.

 

[aj]

Surely there's a general method to it without having to create a reason to bump into them?

I doubt most people even think about this and they probably do it all the time. I mean it must be one of the main ways of getting to know people. It would be difficult for anyone to get to know anyone if nobody did it. I have tried asking a couple of people I know at work, but getting someone to reply to a text or whatever is like getting blood out of a stone in the first place, so I've had no luck at all.

 

[danstelter]

Try talking about some hot news at the office, but avoid gossip, which can get you in a lot of trouble fast. Try saying, "So, did you guys hear about this?" Or, listen to part of their conversation and see if there's something useful you can contribute to it, without making it look like you are interrupting, which will only anger these people. A better place for conversation might be with people with which you have more in common. Conversation flows easiest when you are in a place where you share common interests with others. Talk to other people that work in your department or on your floor. Or, talk about hot news items that you see on TV. Pick very general topics that everyone seems to know about. Some people will enjoy talking to you and others will be rude; it's the law of life and the way things work for everybody. Try your best to be confident and keep practicing, and before you know it, you'll realize you're quite the pro! Good luck and please let us know how it works out for you!

 

[aj]

Sounds like a silly question now but so you just wait around and come in when there's a gap in their conversation?

Thanks and I'll let you know if anything interesting happens tomorrow. Don't hold your breath.

 

[danstelter]

Yeah, that's one way to do it. No, your question is not silly; conversation comes quite naturally to me now, but I can remember when I was at the point where you are now, and this process was quite confusing to me as well. All you can do is practice, report the results, and practice more until you are doing well!

 

[Noca]

I don't approach groups but I can approach single ppl, although I need addy to have the guts to do so.

 

[aj]

Ah ok. It's hard anyway, because if they don't know you, they'll tend to ignore you because they're not expecting you to talk to them. Which makes it feel wrong. But if you know you're doing the right thing then it helps a lot doesn't it, so thanks.

@Noca - oh god yes I can't approach groups, I'm only thinking about two or maybe three people at a stretch! I've not even gone up to anyone yet except for one person on their own, but that was over very quickly because I had to leave.

 

[Banvard]

My advice, which I fail to follow myself, is to strike up a conversation with a member of the group, when he/she is alone. Then start on the next person, and so forth. This may make it easy to approach them; they may even call you over.

 

[alter_ego]

Surely there's a general method to it without having to create a reason to bump into them?


I doubt most people even think about this and they probably do it all the time. I mean it must be one of the main ways of getting to know people. It would be difficult for anyone to get to know anyone if nobody did it. I have tried asking a couple of people I know at work, but getting someone to reply to a text or whatever is like getting blood out of a stone in the first place, so I've had no luck at all.

No, honestly, it's not as complicated as I might have made it sound in my first reply. It was just you said you didn't talk very loud and they didn't seem to notice you so I suggested doing something that would make them turn round...ie make a noise like coughing or dropping something.

When you just see someone generally and you know them slightly (and work's a great place for knowing lots of people slightly) SMILE and just say Hello or Hi, Haven't seen you in a while, how are you? or "Cold out there today, isn't it?"

First thing when you get in work is a great time to open a conversation, especially by the kettle in the office or if you don't have a kettle in the office when you're in the canteen. But remember to smile anyway, it's the best ice-breaker there is. You might already do all this (I don't know how shy you are) but it might help anyone else who's a bit uncertain.

 

[RND_CHR]

Just interrupt their conversation. Just be like, hey, what are you guys up to? Look at them when you say it so they know you're talking to them. Yeah, it's not polite but whatever. Being polite is for old people having a dinner party.

 

[no1]

a gimmick works. usually in this scenario you have to be full of WIN! or at least be very common.

 

[no1]

Just interrupt their conversation. Just be like, hey, what are you guys up to? Look at them when you say it so they know you're talking to them. Yeah, it's not polite but whatever. Being polite is for old people having a dinner party.

that can be so rude...

I only interrupt people when it's urgent.

I might only say hello, but not anything else, unless it is welcomed.

I always try to respect people's space. Many times that means I end up alone as well I guess.

 

[aj]

Thanks again guys. I don't know what's going to happen to be honest - I thought this would be a good idea, but it seems that not as many people as I thought come out for a fag so the opportunity's not even coming up much. I don't tend to see many new people if anyone even in the mornings ::

It all goes so quickly - morning, nobody there... morning break, nobody there... lunch, nobody there... afternoon break, nobody there... maybe swap one of those for 'bottled it'... oh look, it's another day down the pan.

 

[RND_CHR]

that can be so rude...

I only interrupt people when it's urgent.

I might only say hello, but not anything else, unless it is welcomed.

I always try to respect people's space. Many times that means I end up alone as well I guess.

That mentality is why you dont get laid.

 

[aj]

Just interrupt their conversation. Just be like, hey, what are you guys up to? Look at them when you say it so they know you're talking to them. Yeah, it's not polite but whatever. Being polite is for old people having a dinner party.

I can't say anything about your answer. I don't have a clue. If this mentality is getting you laid, then I might just have to try it. Heh. I presume it matters how you do it - I suppose when you want to do this you don't hang around, you just get in there?

Anyway, it seems to be very rare that anyone's there at the same time as me and the rain completely ruins it. Damn.

The other day people were talking about places... Subway, Nandos, a well known nightclub near me, the cinema etc... I know what they are but I've never been to any of them which makes me feel even more useless. I always thought bugger going on my own, but if you can't make a friend to go with, would you guys go on your own?

 

[2Crowded]

Try nodding at them in thier direction or something if they look your way, or just appear friendly....or just say hey howsit going when you see one of them alone in passing or something like that....just a friendly gesture could make one of them say something to you first.