Thinking About Having Sex Soon

[Violaine]

I have been abstinent for 20 months now and I want to have sex again. Problem is I've been holding out for a boyfriend, but that never happened. So now I have to backtrack and have casual sex. I'm not totally convinced this is what I want to do but the other option is to continue fantasizing and masterbating. I've lowered my standards in the last few years because I'm not as attractive as I used to be, so who am I to go strictly after studs. But even the not so hot guys are prematurely pressuring me for sex and it is such a turn off. The guys I really want either don't want me or are already taken and they just want to play around. I know that I'm in no position to take anyone's boyfriend so I just keep on moving. Not knowing that I had SA in the past i thought that casual sex would spice up my social life. I ended up hurt many times and now I'm very jaded about men.

I'm thinking about hooking up with a guy I dated last year but it didn't work out. He is my only option right now because he still calls sometimes wanting to get together. I'm scared to get the physical mixed up with the emotional again because in the clear headed pre-sex state I know he is not the person for me in the long run. Is anyone on here able to successfully manage their SA along with casual sex? I would rather it be with someone I really like and who obviously likes me in return but that could pretty much take forever.

 

[MadCat]

I have been abstinent for 20 months now and I want to have sex again. Problem is I've been holding out for a boyfriend, but that never happened. So now I have to backtrack and have casual sex. I'm not totally convinced this is what I want to do but the other option is to continue fantasizing and masterbating. I've lowered my standards in the last few years because I'm not as attractive as I used to be, so who am I to go strictly after studs. But even the not so hot guys are prematurely pressuring me for sex and it is such a turn off. The guys I really want either don't want me or are already taken and they just want to play around. I know that I'm in no position to take anyone's boyfriend so I just keep on moving. Not knowing that I had SA in the past i thought that casual sex would spice up my social life. I ended up hurt many times and now I'm very jaded about men.

I'm thinking about hooking up with a guy I dated last year but it didn't work out. He is my only option right now because he still calls sometimes wanting to get together. I'm scared to get the physical mixed up with the emotional again because in the clear headed pre-sex state I know he is not the person for me in the long run. Is anyone on here able to successfully manage their SA along with casual sex? I would rather it be with someone I really like and who obviously likes me in return but that could pretty much take forever.

Don't know what to say. If you're not sure you really want casual sex, don't do it, because it wouldn't be right (if you had doubts that is what your eally wanted). If sex is SO important for you then you will just have to make a choice. Casual sex or no sex for the time being. It all boils down to what you really want. If you are wanting for a LTR (long term relationship) with someone but you cannot find these guys, I wouldn't suggest sleeping around casually until you meet some special guy because you might regret it. The longer you wait the better it will be with the right guy. Masturbating is fine, you're doing that and it's a good way to keep yourself sexually active.

The problem I see though is you're torn between what to do, and you really need to decide WHICH is more important. Casual sex or waiting to find a right guy. I can't really offer much advice as personally I don't care about having sex casually. It doesn't interest me at all. Someone else should be able to help better than me, sorry.

PS. What exactly are you looking for anyway? Sounds like you want to find a stable relationship?

 

[Thelema]

I have been abstinent for 20 months now and I want to have sex again. Problem is I've been holding out for a boyfriend, but that never happened. So now I have to backtrack and have casual sex. I'm not totally convinced this is what I want to do but the other option is to continue fantasizing and masterbating. I've lowered my standards in the last few years because I'm not as attractive as I used to be, so who am I to go strictly after studs. But even the not so hot guys are prematurely pressuring me for sex and it is such a turn off. The guys I really want either don't want me or are already taken and they just want to play around. I know that I'm in no position to take anyone's boyfriend so I just keep on moving. Not knowing that I had SA in the past i thought that casual sex would spice up my social life. I ended up hurt many times and now I'm very jaded about men.

I'm thinking about hooking up with a guy I dated last year but it didn't work out. He is my only option right now because he still calls sometimes wanting to get together. I'm scared to get the physical mixed up with the emotional again because in the clear headed pre-sex state I know he is not the person for me in the long run. Is anyone on here able to successfully manage their SA along with casual sex? I would rather it be with someone I really like and who obviously likes me in return but that could pretty much take forever.

It sounds like you have the problem of wanting more than casual sex from these men and them not sharing the feelings.

If you can't separate the two different types of relationships, you're just going to get hurt.

Ask yourself if you're really looking for casual sex or are you really looking for a relationship and you're seeing that as a way to get in to one?

 

[Violaine]

Thanks for the comments. I want a stable relationship but I have been single for over 5 years with no real prospects at this time. So I'm not seeing it in the near future. I have only had sex on two seperate occasions in the last 4 years, so I really don't place it at the top of my list. I've been chasing that elusive love connection with another person. I can somewhat keep my emotions in check as long as I'm not having sex with someone continuously. I think I want the physical thrill so it can hold me over for the next few years if need be. I do like having sex but I know how special it is. That is why I am so indecisive. If this guy doesn't prove to be worthwhile as a friend I'm not gonna do it anyway.

 

[Daz]

Lets get together then..

 

[Violaine]

I'm sure it would be hot Daz....

 

[Remus]

I've had him, he was crap XD

 

[MadCat]

I've had him, he was crap XD

LOOOOOL! So funny.

 

[Violaine]

LOL @ Remus

The guy I was thinking about having sex with has not proven to be the right man for the job, as i've known from the past. I'm kind of relieved about that. Being that I was still horny I ended up having textual relations with a guy that lives too far away for me to take him seriously. Talk about safe sex. It was really satisfying too.

 

[Morgan01]

I think you shouldn't just settle lesser guys because you think less of yourself. think more of yourself and the hold your standards high. I also think you should'nt go back to the guy from before.
Put yourself on a pedestool and other guys will think of you that way, don't lower yourself for them.
I don't think you should put your feelings at risk for sex, it's not worth it. patience and masturbation. : )

 

[Noca]

ive had enough sex for a lifetime, im more interested in cuddling and making out

 

[persian]

I have been abstinent for 20 months now and I want to have sex again. Problem is I've been holding out for a boyfriend, but that never happened. So now I have to backtrack and have casual sex. I'm not totally convinced this is what I want to do but the other option is to continue fantasizing and masterbating. I've lowered my standards in the last few years because I'm not as attractive as I used to be, so who am I to go strictly after studs. But even the not so hot guys are prematurely pressuring me for sex and it is such a turn off. The guys I really want either don't want me or are already taken and they just want to play around. I know that I'm in no position to take anyone's boyfriend so I just keep on moving. Not knowing that I had SA in the past i thought that casual sex would spice up my social life. I ended up hurt many times and now I'm very jaded about men.

I'm thinking about hooking up with a guy I dated last year but it didn't work out. He is my only option right now because he still calls sometimes wanting to get together. I'm scared to get the physical mixed up with the emotional again because in the clear headed pre-sex state I know he is not the person for me in the long run. Is anyone on here able to successfully manage their SA along with casual sex? I would rather it be with someone I really like and who obviously likes me in return but that could pretty much take forever.

At least you have options, if you want to do it, do it. If not, hell at least you don't have to go to a hooker to get sex. - not trying to sound mean, sry

 

[Emma]

You peoooooopleee, stop having sex.
Have some tea.::

 

[agoraphobickatie]

LOL @ Remus

The guy I was thinking about having sex with has not proven to be the right man for the job, as i've known from the past. I'm kind of relieved about that. Being that I was still horny I ended up having textual relations with a guy that lives too far away for me to take him seriously. Talk about safe sex. It was really satisfying too.

haha, love this! "sexting" is awesome! lol! and yeah, definitely safe sex!
anyway... i think if you're just wanting to get some booty and you can handle it without getting all girly and attached in one way or another, go for it! haha.. i definitely understand you being indecisive about it and all, it's just a decision you gotta figure out for yourself... and hey, if you end up finding someone just to have sex with to 'hold you over' until next time, then it's alright just to have a little fun, eh? ob la di, ob la da, right? hehe this topic put a smile on my face

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I fooled around for the first time in a very long time last summer, but didn't go all the way out of a feeling of guilt. Sometimes I think I did the right thing, sometimes I don't (When I'm horny).

But it's been so long now that I have a dilemma. Either I can have a rushed, casual, encounter with someone that means next to nothing to me out of frustration, or wait until I find someone special whom I have a connection with to come out of hibernation for.

I have this weird fear that I'm going to finally make myself have a one night stand with some random girl, then immediately meet a special person the next day.

Then there's the imaginary conversation: "You didn't sleep with another girl for _ years, only to screw some hooch three days before we met!?!?"

And knowing my luck, that's exactly what would happen. Ha Ha Ha

 

[agoraphobickatie]

Then there's the imaginary conversation: "You didn't sleep with another girl for _ years, only to screw some hooch three days before we met!?!?"

And knowing my luck, that's exactly what would happen. Ha Ha Ha

HA! first of all, you say you have this weird fear that you're going to "finally make" yourself have a one night stand... well, if you don't have to 'make' yourself, then it's alright, right? i mean.. shit happens, and if it ever comes up, one thing you can always do is whatever you want to do.. i mean, if anything you always have the reason "because i wanted to" ..and hell, that's good enough! ..i totally feel like i'm talking people into having random crazy sex here! ahhh! honestly, i've never been one to have random sex, simply because i'm insecure as hell =/ haha... but that's just one thing i hope to gain.. some confience, haha.. i want to have the marriage full of crazy great sex, who doesn't?! anyway... a lot of times, i'd just rather keep the past in the past with relationships. in my last relationship, which has been this past two years or so? up until this past summer.. we were all "friends first" blah blah and talked about past things, and he ended up telling me about this one girl he had a one night stand with and she just so happened to be this chick that i was best friends with when i was a kid! haha.. that always bugged me for some reason, we weren't even friends anymore and he hadn't had sex with her in years, but it illed me that she (nowadays a slut) and i (never portrayed as a slut) had had sex with the same guy.. i just didn't want to be on that list with her..... anywho! my point being, sometimes it's just better not to discuss shit like that! haha ..this reply is sufficiently long enough, good luck with all of your sex making decisions you guys! hehe

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Well, now my fear is that I'm going to sleep with her childhood friend 3 days before I meet her and really screw things up royally.


JK.

 

[lurknomore]

Honestly, I don't think I see myself ever having just a casual encounter... number one, because I don't even know how/where to meet people for such things, or how to meet people for any purpose really- whether it be for friendships, relationships, or whatever. Mostly because I would have to be attracted to the person, and I don't get attracted to people unless I've gotten to know them and like their personality, and I wouldn't even want to have sex unless there was an emotional connection... so I don't think I would even get turned on enough to "enjoy" a casual encounter. And I've been abstinent for more than twice as long as the OP...

 

[agoraphobickatie]

ahhh terrible idea posting that, huh? nah.. that's what i'm saying, you don't have to talk about evvvverything anyway...
i have crazy princess romantic beliefs about real relationships/true love anyway.. when it's right, it's right.. nothing will screw it up.. that's just how it goes. and if something you have done in your past screws it up, then it was meant to be screwed! ...enough with the 'screwed'!