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Do you want friends?
- Thread starter flakeybark
- Start date
fwends
I would maybe want like one friend. I don't know what it is, and I don't know how. I don't think it's possible for me to ever have friends, so I'm trying not to care. I'll just be disappointed. I don't wanna be "popular" but I want to be important I guess, well I want attention. I don't see it ever happening though....
I would maybe want like one friend. I don't know what it is, and I don't know how. I don't think it's possible for me to ever have friends, so I'm trying not to care. I'll just be disappointed. I don't wanna be "popular" but I want to be important I guess, well I want attention. I don't see it ever happening though....
Hoth
1
I like having a few friends (and I imagine it'd be nice to have some offline to do stuff with), but I'd hate being popular... you can't really know anybody if you have dozens of people to juggle.
A friend was just mentioning a few hours ago having 200-300 "friends" on social networking sites. That's collecting people. No idea what the point is, and she admits she only knows the tiniest fraction of them at all, but apparently it's fun for some.
A friend was just mentioning a few hours ago having 200-300 "friends" on social networking sites. That's collecting people. No idea what the point is, and she admits she only knows the tiniest fraction of them at all, but apparently it's fun for some.
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dottie
Well-known member
lol that sounds like something carrie bradshaw would say! i don't necessarily want to be popular but i do want to be very likable. i want to be fun! (i'm not irl, i'm petrified.)
i know i have lots of great traits but i am not a very likable person because of the symptoms (avoidance) of SAD.
do i want friends? yes. i am not sure what i have to offer them, though, beyond listening to them.
Havocan
Well-known member
Those who collect people just do it because they feel they need to have lots of friends with different interests, but the fail to realise that they've actually not got any friends, simply mates. People you can hang out with and who you consider cool but who don't offer anything else aren't more than buddies. It's just a shallow relationship, sooner or later they'll understand that friendship is so much more.
I think it's more like that everyone need someone to talk to now and then, for a little more profound relationship than just crack open a beer or playing a game when excluding all family members. Actually I cannot imagine that there is a person on Earth who wants to be without that kind of relation^^.
I think it's more like that everyone need someone to talk to now and then, for a little more profound relationship than just crack open a beer or playing a game when excluding all family members. Actually I cannot imagine that there is a person on Earth who wants to be without that kind of relation^^.
worrywort
Well-known member
I've been thinking a lot like this lately....I joined this dating site.....I had a look around....there were some very nice girls there......but the thought of actually having a relationship with any of them just felt like such hard work, and I'm not sure if I really want a girlfriend that much.
It's the same with all the people I know in my life. I just love being on my own so much and it's such an effort and a headf*ck being around people, I dunno if I can be bothered. at the moment, I'm fine with it, but I worry I'll regret it later in life....and also I worry that I'm becoming a bad person because of it. I don't wanna be a scrooge.
Also, there is the fact that I have a great family who I get on totally fine and SA-free with, and I have my art which consumes most of my thoughts and gives me most of my purpose in life.....without these I'd probably want friends a lot more.
It's the same with all the people I know in my life. I just love being on my own so much and it's such an effort and a headf*ck being around people, I dunno if I can be bothered. at the moment, I'm fine with it, but I worry I'll regret it later in life....and also I worry that I'm becoming a bad person because of it. I don't wanna be a scrooge.
Also, there is the fact that I have a great family who I get on totally fine and SA-free with, and I have my art which consumes most of my thoughts and gives me most of my purpose in life.....without these I'd probably want friends a lot more.
SilentStranger
Well-known member
Hmm this is a great question. For the most part I think I do want friends.
I live a long way away from my immediate family. So I don't have anybody to help me with things. You know moving things, help with the car/house etc or heaven forbid.. if anything were to happen to me. So I think on the practical level it will be good to have friends.
and sometimes I think it would be good to have somebody to goto a show, a movie or some sort of event with.
But most of the time the reason I wish I had more close (both in distance & friendship) friends ... I don't want to be seen as a loser who doesn't do anything on weekends or have friends to do anything with.
Although now I wish I had friends...I don't know how I would react to regular contact with friends. I absolutely hated it when my friends from high school used to drop in during my time at highschool/uni. Would I feel more comfortable now? I don't know. I hope I would be.
But that problem might be a non-issue. It seems nobody want to be friends with me any more. Even long term friends don't seem to return my text messages any more. Maybe .. its because I don't really have much to show (at least for my age)... I haven't had any relationships, don't have a house and I haven't really progressed with my career...most of all I don't have other friends. Maybe I am too much of a liability as a friend.
-SS
PS: I should stop writing so lengthy posts. Maybe if I didn't have SP.. I would have been a good talker... with the ability to make friends easily of course.
I live a long way away from my immediate family. So I don't have anybody to help me with things. You know moving things, help with the car/house etc or heaven forbid.. if anything were to happen to me. So I think on the practical level it will be good to have friends.
and sometimes I think it would be good to have somebody to goto a show, a movie or some sort of event with.
But most of the time the reason I wish I had more close (both in distance & friendship) friends ... I don't want to be seen as a loser who doesn't do anything on weekends or have friends to do anything with.
Although now I wish I had friends...I don't know how I would react to regular contact with friends. I absolutely hated it when my friends from high school used to drop in during my time at highschool/uni. Would I feel more comfortable now? I don't know. I hope I would be.
But that problem might be a non-issue. It seems nobody want to be friends with me any more. Even long term friends don't seem to return my text messages any more. Maybe .. its because I don't really have much to show (at least for my age)... I haven't had any relationships, don't have a house and I haven't really progressed with my career...most of all I don't have other friends. Maybe I am too much of a liability as a friend.
-SS
PS: I should stop writing so lengthy posts. Maybe if I didn't have SP.. I would have been a good talker... with the ability to make friends easily of course.
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whiteraven
Member
I want friends, would love them. I would hate to be "popular" but maybe like three friends I could call up and go to the movies with when I'm bored. The only problem is that I'm so used to having all of my alone time if I was forced to be social with them more than maybe once a week I'd go a little nuts. If I had friends they would either have to understand my SA (which every friend I've had has just thought I was shy) or not care that I make up excuses to not do things when my anxieties act up, or forgive me when I vanish for a few weeks to deal with whatever random depression has hit me.
ETA: The best thing about having friends for me is that when I'm around at least one person that I can feel comfortable with my anxieties are well within a manageable range even in the worst situations. The only problem is that it could be a year before I'm that comfortable with someone.
ETA: The best thing about having friends for me is that when I'm around at least one person that I can feel comfortable with my anxieties are well within a manageable range even in the worst situations. The only problem is that it could be a year before I'm that comfortable with someone.
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enmascarado
Well-known member
Yes. Just one friend though, that I could talk to and who understood my SA. I can't imagine what that would be like, being able to tell someone anything. I'm far from that now. I did have a dream, not that long ago, that I was talking to someone in my living room. That's all it was...just me and some faceless person talking. I woke up in a good mood, I guess I convinced myself that I had some social skills...when I was unconscious.
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I would love to have some friends. Just one would be good enough for me. Someone to talk to about my day, go to the movies with, just hang out and have fun. But I don't have even one. I have a lot of aquaintances at school but no one hangs out with me outside of class. I always wonder is it me? What am I not doing right? Why don't I have any friends. I always overhear classmates talking about how much fun they had over the weekend when they all went out and I wonder to myself why wasn't I invited. I think I am a nice person and I have a good heart. I'm not that outgoing but I am working on it.
At the sametime sometimes people do reach out to me and then I just run away. I'll get invited to go somewhere and make up some excuse not to go.
I just want things to change. I want to be normal.
At the sametime sometimes people do reach out to me and then I just run away. I'll get invited to go somewhere and make up some excuse not to go.
I just want things to change. I want to be normal.
TheNewZero
Well-known member
I was thinking about that earlier....I always feel lonely like I want to have friends. But when I do have friends, I always end up getting really irritated with them and overwhelmed by having to talk to them on the phone and do stuff with them that I end up pushing them away. Last year I had great friends when I was at college, really the perfect friends for me. They were smart, funny, and liked me a lot. But after a while I ended up hating them because they always called, and always wanted to get together. Sometimes I think that I would have liked them if they knew not to call me all the time, and let me decide when to hang out. It's so silly of me. I guess I want the 'perfect' friend, that I don't have to put effort into and who just knows me perfectly without me having to do anything. I'm hopeless...
Sad-Kitten
Well-known member
I could settle with just one friend, but wouldn't mind having more than that.
marciaX3
Well-known member
i only have 1 person i consider a true friend. we don't know each other inside out, we haven't seen each other in yrs, we don't talk on the phone... BUT, she is the one i want as my maid of honor at my wedding one day, she is the one that i don't get anxious or worried or paranoid w/, she's the one where i can talk to her about any subject and we don't judge each other. my point is, i've had friends before, and here i am yrs later w/ just 1. really, "friends" aren't all they're cracked up to be. they'll let you down, not be there for you, treat you like crap... i'd much rather have my 1 friend/no friends than to have "friends" in my life that make me feel crappy.
socialdonk
New member
hi all,
new to the site. I've had SP for years. I have manage to improve to the point where i can function better in life. However, the one obstacle i havent been able to overcome my lack of motivation to be with people. I compare my self to most of my peers and i see that they generally like hang out with friends, do things together etc. I would be invited to social gatherings however i find myself not wanting to go. I don't hate my friends and I appreciate their friendship. However, I have no desire to see them. This makes me really depress because friendship is so important and I do not know how appreciate. I can have all the money and succuess but it does not make me happy. As a matter of fact..i rarely find anything that makes me happy other then watching tv and sex. Anyways...thanks for reading my post and please share your experiences..I would be happy to listen.
new to the site. I've had SP for years. I have manage to improve to the point where i can function better in life. However, the one obstacle i havent been able to overcome my lack of motivation to be with people. I compare my self to most of my peers and i see that they generally like hang out with friends, do things together etc. I would be invited to social gatherings however i find myself not wanting to go. I don't hate my friends and I appreciate their friendship. However, I have no desire to see them. This makes me really depress because friendship is so important and I do not know how appreciate. I can have all the money and succuess but it does not make me happy. As a matter of fact..i rarely find anything that makes me happy other then watching tv and sex. Anyways...thanks for reading my post and please share your experiences..I would be happy to listen.
Friend? What's that?
As others have said, more than 1 friend is too much. I feel the same way. I want 1 CLOSE friend and that's it.
The way I see it is like this...
If you have lots of friends, you have to divide your time with them. Not my thing, sorry, I don't think you can be a really good friend if you have loads of friends, because you can never be there for all of them when they need it. If you have one, very close friend, you can focus your time and energy on ONE person. The problem with this? Jealousy. Yes, having 1 friend and know they are spending lots of time with other people causes jealousy. I think what I Want is 1 friend, and to be their only friend as well. I'd love that. It would be great.
Finding such a person? Almost impossible. I'm 25 now and I'm still a loner. No close friends, at all..Only friends I have is 2 online, that's it. Talk tothem like every few months or so...gahhh
As others have said, more than 1 friend is too much. I feel the same way. I want 1 CLOSE friend and that's it.
The way I see it is like this...
If you have lots of friends, you have to divide your time with them. Not my thing, sorry, I don't think you can be a really good friend if you have loads of friends, because you can never be there for all of them when they need it. If you have one, very close friend, you can focus your time and energy on ONE person. The problem with this? Jealousy. Yes, having 1 friend and know they are spending lots of time with other people causes jealousy. I think what I Want is 1 friend, and to be their only friend as well. I'd love that. It would be great.
Finding such a person? Almost impossible. I'm 25 now and I'm still a loner. No close friends, at all..Only friends I have is 2 online, that's it. Talk tothem like every few months or so...gahhh
Plissken
Active member
It took me a while to realize this but I don't really want to have friends anymore. I still like the IDEA of having friends, but I've realized that it's just not meant for me anymore.
I like that feeling of having friends, but when it comes to dealing with them I hate it. Like back when I was at school, I liked having friends because I felt that I had to have them, and I felt very insecure without anyone there. But when it came to doing stuff outside of school, I would always not go or when I was dragged along I would just not have a good time because it's so hard for me to be around people.
Now that I'm out of the social spotlight of school where "haha that kid has no friends" would be a huge crushing concern, I don't feel the need for it anymore. No one is judging me these days except for myself.
I don't think I could explain this to anyone I know personally and have them understand. They'd just look at me as if I was completely crazy, with a thought and mindset so alien to them.
I like that feeling of having friends, but when it comes to dealing with them I hate it. Like back when I was at school, I liked having friends because I felt that I had to have them, and I felt very insecure without anyone there. But when it came to doing stuff outside of school, I would always not go or when I was dragged along I would just not have a good time because it's so hard for me to be around people.
Now that I'm out of the social spotlight of school where "haha that kid has no friends" would be a huge crushing concern, I don't feel the need for it anymore. No one is judging me these days except for myself.
I don't think I could explain this to anyone I know personally and have them understand. They'd just look at me as if I was completely crazy, with a thought and mindset so alien to them.