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Old 09-23-2017
kuurt's Avatar
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Today I hung out with my mom. We went to a couple of stores and ate at a restaurant. But by the time I got back home I was feeling pretty down.

Any time I'm out somewhere in public with one of my parents I feel absolutely pathetic. Most guys my age (35) have a wife, a girlfriend, or friends that they can go out with. And there I am with my mom or dad like a little kid. I makes me feel very pathetic.

I know you shouldn't compare yourself to other people, but it's hard not to. I would feel even more pathetic if I were out with both of my parents, but they are divorced.

I don't think being out in public with my parents would bother me at all if I had a social life because then I wouldn't feel so abnormal. But when you don't have a social life there's always that thought in that back of your mind that you're an abnormal pathetic loser. And hanging out with your parents just reminds you of that.

Does going out in public with your parents make you feel like a loser?
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Old 09-23-2017
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This is a very current issue for me too.

Yesterday I spent the day with my mother, who I also live with and I'm 34, very near your age. I kept thinking everyone around who may have noticed us was must have seen me as a total loser.

I noticed that most people around were in groups of similar aged friends, with their partners or with their own young families buying their kids ice cream. It makes me feel like a total loser for not moving on like the other people.

SA sent me back home three years ago when I couldn't hack it living alone. Have felt bad about it often. People have told me not to feel bad and that it's a temporary thing that can get better with time, saving some money and getting out to social events.

But at the moment it feels really crap and I can definitely relate to how you feel. What sucks is some people do notice. Catching them smirking from time to time is the hardest part.
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Old 09-23-2017
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I feel like that too sometimes .


and then I remind myself that I have virtues and morals and I ALWAYS do whats right. I STAND for that...because THATS what matters most when its all said and done with.


...so even when I feel like laying down...I stand up anyway.
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Old 09-24-2017
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Yeah sometimes it makes me feel that way, but they aren't always going to be there so usually I enjoy the time. But it can be embarrassing, especially if you are quiet.
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Old 09-25-2017
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I am 34 and the only friends I have are those of my parents and parents themselves. I sometimes feel loser because I have the job and still live and hang out with them. I also go to vacation with them, I dont drive and I am afraid to go by myself. I felt depressed 1 month ago when we went together to the spa and I saw people younger than me with their families-girlfriends and children, teaching them how to swim etc. One thing that stops my depression is when I stop comparing myself to the others and accept that I am uncapable of making higher levels of human contact.
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Old 09-25-2017
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I try to focus on the fact that my mother's getting older too, and that one day I'll wish I could spend time with her.

It sucks when you have social phobia because it's hard to remember those things through the haze of anxiety and self-consciousness, but what other people think isn't important anyway.

Besides, they don't know it's not her birthday or something, you wouldn't feel bad if you were treating her to a nice dinner in that case, so try to keep a healthy perspective. Keep your head up and don't sweat the A-holes.
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Old 09-25-2017
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You right. I have been trying to reprogram my subconscious mind with affirmations and I just added one to the list: "I don't care what people think about me". If I can get to where I believe that on a conscious level that should be quite freeing.
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Old 09-26-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by very_shy View Post
One thing that stops my depression is when I stop comparing myself to the others.
That's the key to all improvement from anxiety: stop making comparisons to others. Been doing better on that myself lately.

One thing to add to this thread is that I may spend some days feeling like a loser out with my mother, but it's gotta be better than being in an awful marriage screaming with my partner all day.

Some people may have more relationships than those with their parents, but if they aren't enjoyable, then they don't add to the ideal of living a quality life.
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Old 09-26-2017
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If you go out places with your mom and HELP HER do stuff in general, people will see that you're a good guy. Some girls/women REALLY admire that.



I'm sure your mom might really appreciate it too. Its a win-win.
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
 

How about you just hang out by yourself then..? Instead of your parents?......i know going places by yourself may make you look like a loner but.....
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
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I'm late to the party here but hanging out with the family is overrated in my opinion. How many men and women bawl like babies at their parents funeral wishing they had spent more time with them? Cherish it.
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
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It doesn't necessarily have to mean that you're a loser. I just view it like something that's not unusual - they require my help most of the time, and I have no problem helping them out.

But most of the time, I prefer to be alone, so initiating the whole thing can be wearisome. Although I know I do get odd looks, I don't consider it to have anything to do with feeling like a loser - I mean, there's a whole lot of ways in which a person can hang out. And you choose yours.
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Kiwong (4 Weeks Ago)
Old 4 Weeks Ago
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Both my parents have passed away. I wish I could be with them, show them more patience, and not take them for granted. They supported me and always listened. I miss them
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
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Yes it does. Unfortunately it does. This is an issue that also makes me feel depressed and inferior. In my case, I coud say that I'm more pathetic than you because I go on holiday with both my mum and my dad every summer. And not only with them but with my siblings too. So you can imagine the way I feel. But this doesn't mean that I don't love them, of course not, I love them so much and I'm so grateful for everything they've done for me. In fact, I wish they would always stay with me, that they would never die. But what makes me feel bad is the fact that I don't have a life of my own like most people of my age do.
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
 

I help my mother carrying groceries and consumables on weekends. It has become a routine of sorts, but one that I actually enjoy. I take special pleasure in it because we walk our way to the stores. If I didn't go with my mother, I'd probably go for a walk on my own anyway. This way I get to do something useful while I am at it. Sometimes we walk past groups of friends and families, but now that I think about it, I don't remember ever comparing myself to them, probably because I'm focused on a task and feel that I'm doing something useful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ana0989 View Post
Yes it does. Unfortunately it does. This is an issue that also makes me feel depressed and inferior. In my case, I coud say that I'm more pathetic than you because I go on holiday with both my mum and my dad every summer. And not only with them but with my siblings too. So you can imagine the way I feel. But this doesn't mean that I don't love them, of course not, I love them so much and I'm so grateful for everything they've done for me. In fact, I wish they would always stay with me, that they would never die. But what makes me feel bad is the fact that I don't have a life of my own like most people of my age do.
This is trickier. I also go on vacations with my parents and sibling, and in this particular case I do tend to compare myself to others. One thing that helps me dealing with the negative thoughts is reminding myself that whenever I focus on what I'd like to have I tend to embellish it and focus solely on the positive. Conversely, whenever I focus on what I do have I tend to focus mostly on the negative. If I had a group of friends to hang out with or a family of my own I'd probably still feel like a loser because I simply cannot seem to like who I am, and I just can't seem to gain confidence no matter what I accomplish. I'd probably be comparing myself to others more than I am now.
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Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Nothing wrong with spending time in public with your parents.They are family and bonding with them is good.Its a chance to have fun and get more enjoyment into your life.

You mentioned feeling low when you return home.Unless this is due to something negative that specifically happened such as arguments then maybe you should look at being more positive and appreciating your parents more.Sometimes as anxious people we can worry unneccessarily about everthing and we need to stop and ask ourselves if our fear is justified and helpful to us.
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Old 2 Weeks Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ads7800 View Post
...One thing to add to this thread is that I may spend some days feeling like a loser out with my mother, but it's gotta be better than being in an awful marriage screaming with my partner all day.

Some people may have more relationships than those with their parents, but if they aren't enjoyable, then they don't add to the ideal of living a quality life.
^Absolutely!
The grass in not always greener on the other side of the fence.

Even so, I know it still hurts to live in this overly-judgemental society that exists today.





And just sayin.......It is very frustrating when you have used up your 3 or however many the little daily quota is of how many times you can click on the "Thanks" button for users posts that are really good.

There are about 5 users posts in this thread that I would like to have clicked on the "Thanks" button for, but I can't - because I have already used up the stupid-little-daily-quota you get - in other threads already.
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Old 2 Weeks Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueDays View Post
And just sayin.......It is very frustrating when you have used up your 3 or however many the little daily quota is of how many times you can click on the "Thanks" button for users posts that are really good.

There are about 5 users posts in this thread that I would like to have clicked on the "Thanks" button for, but I can't - because I have already used up the stupid-little-daily-quota you get - in other threads already.
yeh i noticed that too but i didn't know there was a daily quota for the thanks.
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Old 2 Weeks Ago
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I was thinking about this and had the thought that people who notice you are out with your parent, have no idea WHY you are out with them.

You could be out with your parent because they wanted to spend time with you and asked you to go out with them. They may not have seen you for a long time.

Your parent may also have health problems and their son/daughter could be out helping them with something etc.

There are actually many reasons why a person may be out in public with their parent/s.

Any person who judges someone being seen with their parent would just be assuming things, they honestly would have no idea of the real circumstances.

People out in public have no idea that you may still live with your parent. People would have no idea that you may not have a partner or friends.

And anyone who assumes something negative about a person they do not know, is nasty and not worth worrying about.




Quote:
Originally Posted by jinxed View Post
yeh i noticed that too but i didn't know there was a daily quota for the thanks.
I don't know for sure if it is a daily thing or not, I just noticed that the amount you can use in one login, is restricted to a small amount and I only login daily.
I wonder if the little limit exists so people don't spam the "Thanks" button, lol
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Old 2 Weeks Ago
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I think the reason you feel so bad is because hanging out with your mother is basically your social life, and you look at other people and think that they're looking at you and know this and are judging you negatively (because you are judging yourself negatively).

In situations like this I tend to recommend that you do volunteer work, because usually people who volunteer have kind hearts and could eventually be your friends.
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