Dating and social anxiety

I have never really cared about being in a relationship before or anything so I avoided dating at all cost because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it and I highly doubt that the guy would want to see me after the first time and that will live me even less confident (if it can get any lower) :sad: I cant handle rejection, it really affects me.
Anyway I have been talking to this guy on Facebook and he wants to meet on Monday and he seems nice and I kind of like him, I really wish I didn't
I am dreading it and am suffering from anxiety (pretty badly) every time I think about it
I am having really negative thoughts like I am going to be too quite, its going to be awkward, I am going to sweat excessively, will my hands be sweaty, am I going to throw up, is my voice will shake, what if he thinks I am ugly compared to my picture. All the negativity is making me want to get out of it,
I know how it will end and its not going to be good on me and that's the problem, rejection badly effects me. I have AvPD so
I am on anxiety medication but grrr they are not doing anything, I am a wreck and have been for a week now, I cant concentrate and yes I know it really shouldn't be as big much of a deal but I cant take my mind of it and the more I think about it my brain is making sure I see every flaw and everything I don't like about myself :crying:
This is why I avoid people I cant stand feeling like this, I hate being isolated and alone but feeling like this at times feels worse than trying to be social and getting out their.
My new year resolution was to get out of my comfort zone and believe that I can do more than I think and can do this stuff so I am going to do it but I just feel horrible
Its even worse that I am nervous just answering his Facebook messages :sad:
Any tip on how you guys find first dates? how do you handle it? what do you talk about? Experiences? or just advice anything will be useful

Maybe you should date someone with SA and/or has HH? To be honest, rejection can be good!! That's right, I said it. When one sex rejects the other, it is usually a result of incompatibility. Although, sometimes you find out too late and end up in a bad relationship.

You have to become your own ally and ACCEPT yourself. You're afraid of rejection because you have rejected yourself already so you now NEED someone (practically anyone) to accept you.................not a good way to go. You're an intelligent human being with a good soul. Start accepting yourself.

ImNotMyIllness said:

Maybe you should date someone with SA and/or has HH? To be honest, rejection can be good!! That's right, I said it. When one sex rejects the other, it is usually a result of incompatibility. Although, sometimes you find out too late and end up in a bad relationship.

You have to become your own ally and ACCEPT yourself. You're afraid of rejection because you have rejected yourself already so you now NEED someone (practically anyone) to accept you.................not a good way to go. You're an intelligent human being with a good soul. Start accepting yourself.

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I don't know anyone like that unfortunately. You are absolutely spot on :sad: perhaps I am not ready.

Thank you

I definitely think you should give it a try. Telling yourself you aren't ready is just a cop out! You will probably feel worse for much longer if you don't go.

When I go on a first date I try to combat my quietness by asking a lot of questions. That way I don't have to talk as much, and I come across as being very interested in the other person. Ask about family, friends, pets, his job, his hobbies, his favorite foods...

Meggy0001 said:

I don't know anyone like that unfortunately. You are absolutely spot on :sad: perhaps I am not ready.

Thank you

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They're on this forum and live in your country!! You can go on the date, you'll never feel ready. Just be aware that rejection is not a bad thing AND, you might want to reject this guy. He may not be right for you. Dating is about learning what you like and need. Don't idealize him. I can already guarantee you (without even knowing him) he's not all that. No one is! Every person has faults.

The question is, is he the right one for you? Go out and see. Just don't cling to him like someone who's just gone overboard and he's a piece of driftwood.

1.Do you have any friends you should try and go as a group first. If your dream man is really a nightmare your friend should be able to help you spot that. . Not saying there somthing wrong with this guy. I just want you to be safe. Because online dating can be very dangerous for women.

First dates can be stressful, yeah. Just accept it and maybe think of a reward for yourself for being brave to go on this first date - maybe a nice bubble bath or something special you like. Think how relaxed you'll be afterwards, how proud that you ventured out of your comfort zone!

even if he turns out to not be the right one for you (it does have to be mutual!) just see it as a 'first step' in getting out of your comfort zone and meeting people!

Be safe, yes, of course, meet in a public place, have a friend or relative know where you are and with who, maybe a friend can even call you after an hour or so, and if he turns out not like you wanted, you can apologize and leave?

Think of it as 'undercover assignment' maybe? And pretend like you're a spy or anthropology student, just researching all this?

Do tell us here how it goes!

You miss all the shots you don't take.

Thanks for the answers guys, I am going to just do it maybe it wont be that bad.

ImNotMyIllness said:

The question is, is he the right one for you? Go out and see. Just don't cling to him like someone who's just gone overboard and he's a piece of driftwood.

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Yeah this is a problem I have, anyone shows me any kind of attention I get attached to them pretty quickly, hence why I get hurt quite often hmmm

is it an actual date or are you guys just meeting to hangout? if it's the first time you're meeting someone irl that you met on facebook then you should treat it as a hang-out situation. thinking about it that way helps with the anxiety too.

oh and tell him what ur wearing so he'll spot you fast and easy. if you try to search for him, u'll get approach anxiety. while driving to the location, keep ur mind occupied with pleasant/distracting thoughts, listen to ur fav music etc.. don't try to pre-memorize things to say too much... a good convo opener is just telling him u like his outfit or his hair (even if it sux.) have a little plan ready like "oh there's this little coffee shop just down there I thot we could grab a late or something"

once you get past all that shit the rest is easy :bigsmile:

edit: lattè?