When the wolf comes home

Hi guys

I have spent all day on this forum reading posts all the while waiting for my membership to get validated.

I have a fear of confrontations. I mean I can do general arguments.. However if they prolongd iI get anxious and develop cold sweat. All through my life i have been an escapist. When things got tough I bailed.. Be iit a job or situations where I was bullied n harassed . I don't like fighting... Arguing etc n give up because I don't want to be harassed.

This time I'm finding it tough. Thing is my mom hired a contractor to do some renovation around the house. He did a sorry *** workn now wants ffull payment. Me being the conflictcoward ythat I am feel so miserable because i can't do shit. I mean it's so depressing.On one hand I feel my mom's alone but on the other my anxiety doesn't let me proceed. My mom's quite a fighter mind yu. I told her bout my anxieties. Now she tells anyone who asks her to b fearless that... I'm brave but my son's scared.

I don't know Wat to do... My whole life is going crazy. I'm 28 ... No job.. I stay with my momn sshe has pretty much bullied me into submission all her life... She loves me but this is killing me. I did ask her not to get the renovation done. She never listened to me. A part of me says she shud learn.... I don't know... I keep crying wen m alone. Damn u anxiety

Sorry to hear about the stress and it all... Renovations can be stressful...

Well, if your mum is so brave (mine is too) she can bully the contractor herself??
And maybe you can go to the library or for a walk when the confrontation happens, if you really hate it?

Not sure what the rules are about contractors and shitty jobs, is there a bureau where you can put a complaint or something? (Like the Better Business Bureau or such?) Maybe you can google stuff up, where to complain about him? Or google him, if there have been complaints already?

There's probably advice online on support forums too, you're not the first to be in such a situation.
I just did a quick search, lots of results for 'contractor did a poor job now wants full payment'
This looks helpful: http://www.angieslist.com/articles/screwed-bad-contractor-what-you-can-do.htm

You can do a lot besides just 'yellin' - take photographs, document the process etc.
It also depends where you live, you can google together with your state/city to find most accurate results.

Feathers said:

Well, if your mum is so brave (mine is too) she can bully the contractor herself??

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Hear hear! I agree. It was her idea, her decision, let her take care of it herself. Maybe you would be better off living on your own (perhaps her controlling bullying behavior is holding you back?)

But I know what you mean. I feel a great drive for justice, but lack the courage to carry things out (unless it is about my kids or something really important, and in that case it is very stressful for me and I literally make myself sick with worry.) Even on this site... I have not had a bad experience here, everyone has been so nice... but I still post things and then feel like going back and removing them for fear of being judged. I hate being judged. Even if I am speaking up for a good cause. Sometimes I speak up and then regret it all day.

Thanks guys. I just get upset because things I tell her not to do... She does it n then they misfire and then we do the firefighting. I have always preferred a conflict free life.

I known the contractor is wrong but I just don't like to fight. And if I let her fight sometimes I feel as a son I'm not doing my duties. Meh.. This is so... Depressing.

Have you thought about reporting this guy to the BBB? At least then it might help someone else not have to go through something like this. Those contractors can be such snakes in the grass and get away with murder in the poor quality work they do.

*Hugs* to feeling better soon.

MollyBeGood said:

Have you thought about reporting this guy to the BBB? At least then it might help someone else not have to go through something like this. Those contractors can be such snakes in the grass and get away with murder in the poor quality work they do.

*Hugs* to feeling better soon.

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Thanks! Well that'swhat my mOm is doing however I have no stomach for a fight. :sad:
Idk... Iv always hated confrontations. My mom caught me drinking Cuz I was so upset about it.

Hi Knight, and welcome to the forum. Sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Sounds to me like your mom will report him, and that is a great start. It's very unfortunate that there are many people out there who use their certification, to take advantage. I was in a similar situation with a contractor a while ago, I paid him money upfront for a job he never completed.

I wish you the best of luck... And hope the issue is quickly resolved.

nodejesque said:

Hi Knight, and welcome to the forum. Sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Sounds to me like your mom will report him, and that is a great start. It's very unfortunate that there are many people out there who use their certification, to take advantage. I was in a similar situation with a contractor a while ago, I paid him money upfront for a job he never completed.

I wish you the best of luck... And hope the issue is quickly resolved.

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How did u deal with it? In my case... I'ma bag of nerves. IIt's been making my anxiety levels surge to a point where for a few minutes my left hand went numb.

I reported it, and was going to take him to small claims court... But I was just so done with the whole situation. I didn't want to put anymore time and money into that whole clusterfucck. I just left it behind me, and learned from it.

My brother wanted to fight it, but I was so spent, disappointed, and angry. Just took it as a lesson, not to pay for work that hasn't been done.

However, it really depends on your situation. The amount of money invested, and what your mom feels comfortable doing. And although you may not be confrontational, the support that you show your mom during this horrible moment of stress, is invaluable. Never sell yourself short. I am sure that you contribute greatly in the ways that count

Cluster**** is the right word for this situation. Tbh I totally want to avoid this situation. Not because I have anxiety but because my mom needs to learn. She takes decisions without listening to anyone. Well there you go.

Yeah.. small claims court was a horrible experience for me as well, Steiner. I'd much rather avoid it...

Knight, you're right. Your mom may have to take this as an expensive lesson.

SteinerOfThule said:

I only went because my parents pushed me into it. I did get screwed over. I felt terrible especially shaking the lawyer's hand after he had just ****ed me over.

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Oh man. I'm sorry you had to go through that:/

Knight1985 said:

Thanks! Well that'swhat my mOm is doing however I have no stomach for a fight. :sad:
Idk... Iv always hated confrontations. My mom caught me drinking Cuz I was so upset about it.

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I understand. Contractors can be such a vile bunch, even without SA, dealing with them is not for anyone to stomach. Having been involved in the industry for yrs with my Ex I know first hand how they will take advantage of the "weaker" like prey (not that we did but the competition was awful like that). Most of time they hold people hostage in their homes by not finishing the job and leaving your house in ruins. They don't keep deadlines, go over budget and make your life a living hell. Just be glad the azzhole is done and gone. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Nobody can deal with those horrible scum.