Dark angel
Well-known member
A VERY LONG POST, SORRY FOR IT!!!!
Ok. So here is the thing. I've been talking to this guy who used to study with me when we were kids.( I mentioned this on a previous post but for those who might not have read it I'll resume the whole thing) We found each other on facebook a long while ago but a month or so we started randomly talking through inbox messages. At first it was weird how much we share in common. We had very similar taste in almost everything minus a few exceptions and our lives where pretty much the same. And I said weird because when we were kids, I used to not like him very much,he used to make some pretty tacky comments about one of my physical aspects that I wasn't very proud of and every other classmates would laugh at his dumb comments. I even pointed that at him recently and he apologized for it several times. Either way, our conversations weren't limited to anything.
He was very opened about every single subject and I listened to him, even when there were details I really didn't want to know because it was way too personal. One of those private subjects was our sex lives. Mine been pretty much non existant because well, I'm a virgin and I'm in my mid 20's. Yeah...
When I told him this, he was surprised. He made me some questions and jokingly he offered to help on that subject. I laughed at his poor attempts of trying to "help me" on that matter because I told him I wasn't really interested on letting go of that just yet. He kept asking me and I was very adamant about talking about that subject until I decided to talk to him with the truth. I talk to him seriously that for me having sex(and more over for the first time) isn't something you do with just anyone. That for me it was very important to have some sort of connection already developed in a relationship and that I couldn't conceive the idea of having this kind of intimacy with anyone I didn't fell something for. I would need to be in love with a person in order for me to give in. I was very clear that I really didn't want to lose my virginity just with anyone if none of the above happened.
He understood and he was somewhat touched by my response. Days went by and our conversations were very nice and amicable. I was really impressed because generally, I'm not a very good conversationalist( Of course he did most of the job) and from time to time he would make jokes about that same specific topic. Now, I didn't feel offended or anything back then because my girl friends have the tendecy of doing the same thing everytime so I was just kind of used to it and knew already when to answer, what to answer and what not to answer. So I didn't treat him any differently.
Now, this past week he suddenly sent me a text message asking me what were my plans for valentine's day and I told him that usually I don't do anything on that specific date because for me, it was like any other day of the year. He told me that a movie he wanted to see was being released on that same day and offered me to go with him. I thought it was a good idea because lately I was feeling kinda lonely with my two best friends married and one of them recently had a child. So they have been pretty busy and I thought it was a good opportunity to do something different with a different person. So, I agreed on going.
He told me then that he would ask his best friend if she wanted to come along too. That same day I told my mom if I could borrow her car to go the movies and she accepted but asked me who I was going with. So I told her. She didn't said anything else.
Eventually I recieved a text message from him saying that his best friend couldn't go because she had several compromises and stuff and asked me if I could pick him up. I agreed. Something right then and there told me to tell my mom the slight change of plans( that it was going to be just the two of us on the movies) But I decided not to say anything because I know she would start worrying about me and not sleep all night until I got home. Or she would start making a lot of questions.
Half an hour before the movie starts I arrive to his house and everything started super nice. He gave me chocolates and all and I was very polite and thanked him. Everything went smoothly before and during the movie and afterwards he wanted to eat something. Right there he brings the same subject again and I mantained my posture and answer to him what he already knew. He kept drilling on why I didn't want to do anything, that I was already more than an adult and that I didn't have to be afraid of anything. I answer to him that it wasn't fear what was holding me back. Eventually he tells me that he would found a way to convinced me to have something with him and I said that whatever he was intending to try wouldn't work. We stayed there for like 15 minutes and later went outside to kept on talking on because the place was about to close. Like before, our conversation was nice but I was starting to get a little bit annoyed when he kept on insisting with the same thing. Suddenly I told him I was getting tired, so we go and I took him back to his house where he lived with his grandmother. He tells me to come in for a while and I was pretty skeptical to go inside. Either way, for some reason I couldn't say no because I felt it was kind of rude to reject his offer(I have a huge problem with saying noooooo to people) and accept. Once inside he shows me everything, the new part of the house that was recently constructed, the hallway, the kitchen, bathroom, where his grandma slept and at last where his room was...He showed me everything but I found somewhat weird that he closed on the front porch when it was just going to be a few minutes and then I was supposed to be leaving. Out of nowhere he starts to persuade me to hug him and eventually to kiss him, but everytime he tried I would turn my face around and tell him that I wasn't up for it and that I didn't want to. He did this several times and he asks me why and I told him that if I kissed him, he would want to ask for more and like I told him before I wasn't gonna give him what he wanted. He then kisses me on the neck and I was petrified, I couldn't think, move or anything. I didn't know what the hell to do but I kept saying " I don't want to this". I swear, all of this happened for like 15 minutes or so and it felt like an eternity. All I kept saying in my head was "I don't want to do this" because there was a point where I couldn't spell the words out. He then looks at me and aks me: "Why dont you want to have anything to do with me?" "Is it because I'm horrible?" All I could answer was a "No" and again the same old thing. He FINALLY understood and ask me if I wanted to live. I said yes, and I walk to my car as fast as I could. Once there, he asks me if I was mad at him and I said a little bit. He told me he wouldn't try to do that anymore and that he was very sorry for everything. I said ok. Right there, I wasn't mad or anything, I was just shocked for what happened.
Once I got home I receive a text message from him saying he was sorry and that he felt terribly sad for what he had done. I answer back that I was okay, that I was fine but that next time when a lady says no to something he has to respect that person's choice. He right something back and I answer briefly and went to sleep.
The next day he wrote something at me, but I woke up so mad and angry that I didn't want to answer. That morning I reacted to everything I couldn't the night before. I was mad at him for not listening to what I said before on numerous occasions but I was mostly mad at myself for trusting in him and letting things get to that point, I felt bad for rejecting him, I felt like **** for everything! To the point that I haven't been able to sleep two nights in a row. That day I slept until 4:30am and couldnt catch anymore sleep and today I slept until 2:30 and couldn't go back to sleept until like 5:00am. Yesterday he texted me early trying to have some conversation but I didn't answer to him back. As he noticed, that I didn't answer quickly he writes another text message saying: "I'm sad". I asked why and he replies back: "I'm sad because my friend hasn't talk to me today and I miss her" Later on the afternoon he texts me back and I said I couldn't talk because I was driving at that moment that we would talk later. Then he texts me back on the afternoon asking me if I was already home. I didn't answer either.
Noticing that I was mad, he told me that he wouldn't be able to "survive the day with me mad at him and without talking to me while we watch our favorite tv program together".(This is a habit we had all nights) I didn't answer to that either. And later at night, he sends me a text message with a photo showing our favorite cartoons on the tv with a caption that said " It is not the same thing without you".
I haven't been able to write anything to him, simply because I have nothing to say. I cannot even remember that night without cringing. I cannot even remember everything that happened because for some reason my mind is like trying to block it out. I was thinking of sending him a message asking him for some time, but no. I don't want to do that. I simply can't. I feel like this friendship or whatever it was is pretty much done. Do you guys think I sould write something to him, leave things where they are now and move on or did I overreacted to the whole situation? I'm very confused right now.
Again, sorry for the extremely looooong post. I needed to vent this somewhere. Not even one of my friends knows this...
Ok. So here is the thing. I've been talking to this guy who used to study with me when we were kids.( I mentioned this on a previous post but for those who might not have read it I'll resume the whole thing) We found each other on facebook a long while ago but a month or so we started randomly talking through inbox messages. At first it was weird how much we share in common. We had very similar taste in almost everything minus a few exceptions and our lives where pretty much the same. And I said weird because when we were kids, I used to not like him very much,he used to make some pretty tacky comments about one of my physical aspects that I wasn't very proud of and every other classmates would laugh at his dumb comments. I even pointed that at him recently and he apologized for it several times. Either way, our conversations weren't limited to anything.
He was very opened about every single subject and I listened to him, even when there were details I really didn't want to know because it was way too personal. One of those private subjects was our sex lives. Mine been pretty much non existant because well, I'm a virgin and I'm in my mid 20's. Yeah...
When I told him this, he was surprised. He made me some questions and jokingly he offered to help on that subject. I laughed at his poor attempts of trying to "help me" on that matter because I told him I wasn't really interested on letting go of that just yet. He kept asking me and I was very adamant about talking about that subject until I decided to talk to him with the truth. I talk to him seriously that for me having sex(and more over for the first time) isn't something you do with just anyone. That for me it was very important to have some sort of connection already developed in a relationship and that I couldn't conceive the idea of having this kind of intimacy with anyone I didn't fell something for. I would need to be in love with a person in order for me to give in. I was very clear that I really didn't want to lose my virginity just with anyone if none of the above happened.
He understood and he was somewhat touched by my response. Days went by and our conversations were very nice and amicable. I was really impressed because generally, I'm not a very good conversationalist( Of course he did most of the job) and from time to time he would make jokes about that same specific topic. Now, I didn't feel offended or anything back then because my girl friends have the tendecy of doing the same thing everytime so I was just kind of used to it and knew already when to answer, what to answer and what not to answer. So I didn't treat him any differently.
Now, this past week he suddenly sent me a text message asking me what were my plans for valentine's day and I told him that usually I don't do anything on that specific date because for me, it was like any other day of the year. He told me that a movie he wanted to see was being released on that same day and offered me to go with him. I thought it was a good idea because lately I was feeling kinda lonely with my two best friends married and one of them recently had a child. So they have been pretty busy and I thought it was a good opportunity to do something different with a different person. So, I agreed on going.
He told me then that he would ask his best friend if she wanted to come along too. That same day I told my mom if I could borrow her car to go the movies and she accepted but asked me who I was going with. So I told her. She didn't said anything else.
Eventually I recieved a text message from him saying that his best friend couldn't go because she had several compromises and stuff and asked me if I could pick him up. I agreed. Something right then and there told me to tell my mom the slight change of plans( that it was going to be just the two of us on the movies) But I decided not to say anything because I know she would start worrying about me and not sleep all night until I got home. Or she would start making a lot of questions.
Half an hour before the movie starts I arrive to his house and everything started super nice. He gave me chocolates and all and I was very polite and thanked him. Everything went smoothly before and during the movie and afterwards he wanted to eat something. Right there he brings the same subject again and I mantained my posture and answer to him what he already knew. He kept drilling on why I didn't want to do anything, that I was already more than an adult and that I didn't have to be afraid of anything. I answer to him that it wasn't fear what was holding me back. Eventually he tells me that he would found a way to convinced me to have something with him and I said that whatever he was intending to try wouldn't work. We stayed there for like 15 minutes and later went outside to kept on talking on because the place was about to close. Like before, our conversation was nice but I was starting to get a little bit annoyed when he kept on insisting with the same thing. Suddenly I told him I was getting tired, so we go and I took him back to his house where he lived with his grandmother. He tells me to come in for a while and I was pretty skeptical to go inside. Either way, for some reason I couldn't say no because I felt it was kind of rude to reject his offer(I have a huge problem with saying noooooo to people) and accept. Once inside he shows me everything, the new part of the house that was recently constructed, the hallway, the kitchen, bathroom, where his grandma slept and at last where his room was...He showed me everything but I found somewhat weird that he closed on the front porch when it was just going to be a few minutes and then I was supposed to be leaving. Out of nowhere he starts to persuade me to hug him and eventually to kiss him, but everytime he tried I would turn my face around and tell him that I wasn't up for it and that I didn't want to. He did this several times and he asks me why and I told him that if I kissed him, he would want to ask for more and like I told him before I wasn't gonna give him what he wanted. He then kisses me on the neck and I was petrified, I couldn't think, move or anything. I didn't know what the hell to do but I kept saying " I don't want to this". I swear, all of this happened for like 15 minutes or so and it felt like an eternity. All I kept saying in my head was "I don't want to do this" because there was a point where I couldn't spell the words out. He then looks at me and aks me: "Why dont you want to have anything to do with me?" "Is it because I'm horrible?" All I could answer was a "No" and again the same old thing. He FINALLY understood and ask me if I wanted to live. I said yes, and I walk to my car as fast as I could. Once there, he asks me if I was mad at him and I said a little bit. He told me he wouldn't try to do that anymore and that he was very sorry for everything. I said ok. Right there, I wasn't mad or anything, I was just shocked for what happened.
Once I got home I receive a text message from him saying he was sorry and that he felt terribly sad for what he had done. I answer back that I was okay, that I was fine but that next time when a lady says no to something he has to respect that person's choice. He right something back and I answer briefly and went to sleep.
The next day he wrote something at me, but I woke up so mad and angry that I didn't want to answer. That morning I reacted to everything I couldn't the night before. I was mad at him for not listening to what I said before on numerous occasions but I was mostly mad at myself for trusting in him and letting things get to that point, I felt bad for rejecting him, I felt like **** for everything! To the point that I haven't been able to sleep two nights in a row. That day I slept until 4:30am and couldnt catch anymore sleep and today I slept until 2:30 and couldn't go back to sleept until like 5:00am. Yesterday he texted me early trying to have some conversation but I didn't answer to him back. As he noticed, that I didn't answer quickly he writes another text message saying: "I'm sad". I asked why and he replies back: "I'm sad because my friend hasn't talk to me today and I miss her" Later on the afternoon he texts me back and I said I couldn't talk because I was driving at that moment that we would talk later. Then he texts me back on the afternoon asking me if I was already home. I didn't answer either.
Noticing that I was mad, he told me that he wouldn't be able to "survive the day with me mad at him and without talking to me while we watch our favorite tv program together".(This is a habit we had all nights) I didn't answer to that either. And later at night, he sends me a text message with a photo showing our favorite cartoons on the tv with a caption that said " It is not the same thing without you".
I haven't been able to write anything to him, simply because I have nothing to say. I cannot even remember that night without cringing. I cannot even remember everything that happened because for some reason my mind is like trying to block it out. I was thinking of sending him a message asking him for some time, but no. I don't want to do that. I simply can't. I feel like this friendship or whatever it was is pretty much done. Do you guys think I sould write something to him, leave things where they are now and move on or did I overreacted to the whole situation? I'm very confused right now.
Again, sorry for the extremely looooong post. I needed to vent this somewhere. Not even one of my friends knows this...
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