Your worst SA experience?

[Hero]

I know making such a negative topic could be considered detrimental, but it would be interesting to hear some of your worst experiences with social anxiety. I find writing things down and sharing stories gains a new perspective on things. I personally find my number 1 experience quite painful to write, but it feel like I've got it out of my system. Here we go:

My story

I have extreme difficulty making conversations, and I'm a jealous, lonely person with a big heart.

I was going out with a girl, Jane. I'd known her for a long time, but we'd only recently got together. We'd attempted to be intimate, but I couldn't perform as well as expected due to performance anxiety.
The following week, she asked me to meet with her to see a band, then go back to her house. Her 2 other friends came along who I hadn't met before, Alan and Rob. She told me not to act like a boyfriend as Alan might get jealous as he liked her.
After the band, I noticed Rob and Jane got on really well, bantering with each other and having fun conversations. They disappeared to a nearby pub together, and Alan said that Rob was probably attracted to Jane also. I didn't have the guts to admit that I was her actually her boyfriend. Rattled, I stormed to the pub and took Jane off to the corner, who told me she was sorry and that she tried to call me.
We went to the park, where Alan decided to go home, he was in a funny mood. Which left me, Jane and Rob together. She invited him back to stay at hers also. They had fun conversations on the walk back. I was pretty much silent, interjecting with the occasional comment. My brain was completely messed up and I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. I felt ignored and inferior. I eagerly listened to them talk, desperate to find out what I was missing. I could tell Rob wanted Jane, but I couldn't be man enough to admit that I was actually with her. Rob was probably hoping that I was an annoying friend of hers who would leave, so he could make his move on her.

We got back to hers, and I lay on one sofa, Rob lay on the other. She chose to sit next to him because that sofa was comfier, then we watched DVDs. They were practically snuggling together. I asked to speak to her (twice), I was extremely jealous at this point, we left him in the room and we went to the kitchen and I told her my frustrations that something may happen between them. She swore on her dog's life that "nothing was going on", that I could install cameras in every room to make sure. We went back to the DVD room, and I lay on my sofa alone uncomfortable and rejected, as I listened to the other two talking all night. I had become selectively mute.

I left in the morning to go home, leaving them alone in the house. I was so anxious that she might cheat on me, but a friend told me "not to worry." The next week Jane dumped me because "it wasn't working out." between me and her. The next week she wanted to get back together with me, but confessed that she had cheated on me with Rob, and that her dog had ironically died. I was an emotional wreck, but wisely I told her "no" to going out with her again, I stupidly said that I might in the future if she changed her ways.

I felt distraughted, numb and empty. Social rejection has played an integral part of my life. This was the ultimate humilation, and still, 5 years later, I feel sick by it.

---
How 'bout you guys?

 

[doubleM]

Her 2 other friends came along who I hadn't met before, Alan and Rob. She told me not to act like a boyfriend as Alan might get jealous as he liked her.

as soon as you heard that you should have bailed. never allow a woman, or anyone else for that matter, to control you emotionally.

 

[Hero]

doubleM, it's easy to say that. I didn't want things to be awkward, and my desire for acceptance meant I went along with it. I get easily attached to people, and I paid the price.

Twiggle, your friend sounded horrible, I think she is more the "joke". Have you since learned how to initiate conversations with others? At that thing about the milk? Thats so gross!

 

[mmmm]

she had cheated on me with Rob, and that her dog had ironically died.

Well, the solution is obvious. If this ever happens to you again, make the girl swear on Rob's life that she isn't cheating on you.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Am I supposed to share?
I find it difficult to think of one single situation where social anxiety has been terrible because in general, it's pretty bad. I've been agoraphobic for 10 years now? ... around that long, anyways... I've had spots where I forced myself out of my house and made myself do things that were uncomfortable and it never made things easier. I was still terrified, still sick, still anxious and panicky.

I can think of one time in particular- I remember it like it was yesterday (haha) although it was almost 5 years ago, now. The motions I went through still seem so fresh in my mind.
I was at an audition, sitting in a private waiting room waiting for someone to come and get me. I kept thinking; "even if this goes well, I won't be able to do it. I can't do anything... even if they like me, I probably won't get it because I'm ugly or my breath stinks or something..."
I kept thinking over and over again and suddenly felt so sick in my stomach that I lurched and fell on the floor- trying SO hard not to vomit. Just had to keep it in my mouth soas not to make a mess and embarrass myself further.
It was pretty pathetic but thinking about it now, I can laugh at myself.
That's what I get for winding myself up so tightly that I can't even allow myself a bit of peace to relax and breathe. That was pretty much the way any of my auditions went-- so far as waiting periods. I always, always make myself feel so sick and uncomfortable and that feeling stays with me the entire time but somehow, I manage to make it work.
Then going into the audition, I stood infront of the microphone, unable to utter a single word until I was asked to read some lines. I couldn't even introduce myself properly-- it just came out in a mumble that sounded like: 'Mmumuhmumee...' haha
The lines came out perfectly--- completely normal, as though I wasn't feeling like my head was about to explode.

The feedback I got from casting was:
- the lines came out well but my voice just wasn't quite what they were looking for
- I am too timid and possibly not cut out for this line of work

I did a few jobs after that audition, before I sunk back into depression and locked myself in my room - but it was always stuck in my head... and it'll probably always be there. I'm not cut out for the only work I'm good at.
What a shame. It's like some sort of cruel joke.
haha