Your past- the one and only friend till the end of your days.

[bushwick]

In my life I consider myself to be unfortunate, because all the people I know, all friends- I always lose them.. sometimes because of my character, sometimes they don't understand me... I am not a very optimistic guy, but I don't live in utter negativity, but it seems that people don't understand it... Last week I lost my best friend and now I have nothing, the only thing I have left... is the memories of the past... I always end up living in past whenever I lose someone. But I have this feeling that the past is part of my view of life and philosophy, I remember past all the time, i think about it all the time. I remeber very small details (dates, weather conditions, conversations, time) about the past it makes me very happy to think about these details for hours... but I reallize that it is not the right way to live.. I always end up alone... At the same time it makes me sad at the same time it makes me happy and free, because it is one of my greatest wishes to return to the past before some miracle happens... I tend to relive those times before good times happened and think that those bad times were not so bad.. because the miracle was ahead but i didnt know about it then... but now i look back to the past.... and think about whether this miracle has made a human out of me or not... I understood one thing... miracles can spoil and save people at the same time...
I would like to heaar people with similar experiences

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I also constantly think about the past but more in terms of changing it. If only I did this or that.....Then I daydream for hours about how my life would have been so much better.

 

[JohnnAY]

It still amazes me how many of these posts I can relate to. I also do this for HOURS laying in bed, like on a Saturday afternoon. It's probably the most unproductive thing you can spend your day doing, but I can't help it. I don't gain or learn anything from continuously reliving every minute detail. I guess it's mainly therapeutic.

My best friend of 13 years left for NY to study. At the same time I'm happy that he was accepted into a good school, I'm also saddened by the fact that he plans to stay there indefinitely. I think the biggest issue for me is to stop identifying myself with the people around me. Although I don't know the circumstances surrounding you losing your best friend, I can somewhat relate. I hope it was nothing serious.

 

[jaim38]

The past still haunts me, but not as much. With yoga, motivation, and more happiness, past memories don't have as much negative impact on me anymore. I used to break down and cry when past negative memories came, but not so much anymore.

I used to have friends who treated me well, but I was immature and inconsiderate of their feelings. I used to lie a lot and was very addle-brained and didn't know how to think for myself. Now having grown up, I realize that these past friends have no reason to stick me to because I wasn't nice to them. And some of them were as fake as I was. Well, that was in elementary school. Wow, I can't believe I still remember those people, haha.

I have better quality friends now, and I treat them better too.

 

[bushwick]

We parted our ways for ever... but before parting he said that I was different when he met me- ''I had that shine in my eyes, I was thinking about future, I loved'' (his words) but i disagree, 3 years ago the situation was worse than now when we separated... but I really want to return to the past to see what I really was like... Now I hove nothing but dreams, memories and hopes that maybe some new miracle will happen... But past will always stay with me... as my second personality... I really want to live to forget not to remember the past all the time I live

 

[FallenFeathers]

My best childhood friend was murdered, I sometimes think it's a sad part of human nature that we don't always appreciate what we have fully until we lose it. My Dad told me when I was young to learn to differentiate between associates and friends, I never really understood that till after some harsh life lessons.

Anyway sorry went of on a tangent their sorry, my meds are making me emotional and I need to vent. Sadly I think our illness can push people away very easily, I'm not sure if this is what happen with you, but I'm sorry things turned out like that

As for the past, I have found I had to leave it behind, some of it has left its scars that wont heal and cant be forgot, but I've somehow stopped it having less power over me, I had a lot of anger, but the longer I held onto it... idk the longer I let something continue to rule me, I was still giving people I hated power who were long out of my life. Also letting it go I think for me was a big stepping point in becoming more responsible, life isnt fair, we do get ****ty cards and the sad reality is most people could not care less, but I found having something else to blame or someone else to blame however right I might of been gave me an excuse to not take responsibility.

Apologies for the ramble, >.> not slept all night and they have pumped me full of enough pain meds to drop a donkey.

 

[bushwick]

My best childhood friend was murdered, I sometimes think it's a sad part of human nature that we don't always appreciate what we have fully until we lose it. My Dad told me when I was young to learn to differentiate between associates and friends, I never really understood that till after some harsh life lessons.

Anyway sorry went of on a tangent their sorry, my meds are making me emotional and I need to vent. Sadly I think our illness can push people away very easily, I'm not sure if this is what happen with you, but I'm sorry things turned out like that

As for the past, I have found I had to leave it behind, some of it has left its scars that wont heal and cant be forgot, but I've somehow stopped it having less power over me, I had a lot of anger, but the longer I held onto it... idk the longer I let something continue to rule me, I was still giving people I hated power who were long out of my life. Also letting it go I think for me was a big stepping point in becoming more responsible, life isnt fair, we do get ****ty cards and the sad reality is most people could not care less, but I found having something else to blame or someone else to blame however right I might of been gave me an excuse to not take responsibility.

Apologies for the ramble, >.> not slept all night and they have pumped me full of enough pain meds to drop a donkey.

Thanks for taking time to read and reply to this...I really want to forget some things also.. but somehow they are too precious for me.. I cant just simply forget the past... but what can I say.. life goes on...
Sometimes I wonder... If i really miss those events and people in the good times.. or just the past.... Can anyone answer?? I just don't know anymore...

 

[jaim38]

Thanks for taking time to read and reply to this...I really want to forget some things also.. but somehow they are too precious for me.. I cant just simply forget the past... but what can I say.. life goes on...
Sometimes I wonder... If i really miss those events and people in the good times.. or just the past.... Can anyone answer?? I just don't know anymore...

I think it's ok to remember good memories from the past. It can help you get through tough times. When you need something to console you, the good memories are there.

 

[FallenFeathers]

Sometimes I wonder... If i really miss those events and people in the good times.. or just the past.... Can anyone answer?? I just don't know anymore...

This might sound stupid, but maybe you are not meant to figure it out just yet. I really hate these little sayings but sometimes time really does help, right now your maybe too close emotionally to the incident (understandably) to be able to look at it rationally, and that isn't a dig it's something we all do as humans.