You dont even try

alwaysrunning

Well-known member
Ive had people in the past and present tell me that im always talking about wanting to do things but then i never actually do them. Only two people know about my SA but seem to have forgotten about it since i told them. Apparantly this isnt a big issue and i just need to get over it and "actuallytry". The trying part is what gets to me, if they actually knew how much i tried maybe they would understand how hard it is. I have never been violent but it just enrages me so much i want to punch the biggest hole in a wall.Has anyone else had this experience and does it also enrage you that your efforts are being rejcted or ignored/seen as not enough or inadequate?
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I apologize in advance if I don't understand the intensity of your social phobia, and this is probably not the kind of answer you are looking for, but...

You say you try hard.
Are you talking about the - I wish I could go to that interview, but just thinking about it, I can't breath - kind of try?

Or are you talking about the - going even if you can't breath, fall on your face, get mud all over you, scratch your knees, break 3 fingers, stop in the middle of a mine field to catch your breath and try to find a new strategy because this one obviously doesn't work, keep crawling while pulling your broken legs behind you, almost die in moving sand, to finally gloriously fail in total humiliation - kind of try?
 
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IGotSeoul

Well-known member
It's difficult for others to understand how hard you've tried, frankly, because they aren't you and cannot fully understand the gravity of what you've been through.
 
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Patrick26

Well-known member
Ive had people in the past and present tell me that im always talking about wanting to do things but then i never actually do them. Only two people know about my SA but seem to have forgotten about it since i told them. Apparantly this isnt a big issue and i just need to get over it and "actuallytry". The trying part is what gets to me, if they actually knew how much i tried maybe they would understand how hard it is. I have never been violent but it just enrages me so much i want to punch the biggest hole in a wall.Has anyone else had this experience and does it also enrage you that your efforts are being rejcted or ignored/seen as not enough or inadequate?

Just a little bit.
 

Patrick26

Well-known member
I apologize in advance if I don't understand the intensity of your social phobia, and this is probably not the kind of answer you are looking for, but...

You say you try hard.
Are you talking about the - I wish I could go to that interview, but just thinking about it, I can't breath - kind of try?

Or are you talking about the - going even if you can't breath, fall on your face, get mud all over you, scratch your knees, break 3 fingers, stop in the middle of a mine field to catch your breath and try to find a new strategy because this one obviously doesn't work, keep crawling while pulling your broken legs behind you, almost die in moving sand, to finally gloriously fail in total humiliation - kind of try?

I normally do option 1, but i always tell myself i never tried. I just say "I guess i'm just too lazy, ahwell"
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I apologize in advance if I don't understand the intensity of your social phobia, and this is probably not the kind of answer you are looking for, but...

You say you try hard.
Are you talking about the - I wish I could go to that interview, but just thinking about it, I can't breath - kind of try?

Or are you talking about the - going even if you can't breath, fall on your face, get mud all over you, scratch your knees, break 3 fingers, stop in the middle of a mine field to catch your breath and try to find a new strategy because this one obviously doesn't work, keep crawling while pulling your broken legs behind you, almost die in moving sand, to finally gloriously fail in total humiliation - kind of try?

I used to try the second one, but there were too many "total humiliation" endings. Now I'm more with the first one, sadly, and when I'm asked why I don't do something I say, like Patrick, it's because of my laziness.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Thank you for posting that. Even though you weren't talking to me, I needed to hear that.

I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic because after re-reading my post I wonder if it was harsh, but if not - the pleasure is all mine ::p:
 

T T T

Well-known member
It's hard for people to understand that it takes so much to 'try' to do the simplest things. They often cannot realise that (for example) speaking to a stranger on a till in a shop is trying to the extent that it could be a huge personal acomplishment.
It is a real downer when people you have confided in for help turn it around on you and tell you how you're thinking is "wrong" or like you said, you just need to "try". I know how you are feeling, and it really strips you of confidence when the times you really do try, often in your eyes, you do not succeed.
 
I apologize in advance if I don't understand the intensity of your social phobia, and this is probably not the kind of answer you are looking for, but...

You say you try hard.
Are you talking about the - I wish I could go to that interview, but just thinking about it, I can't breath - kind of try?

Or are you talking about the - going even if you can't breath, fall on your face, get mud all over you, scratch your knees, break 3 fingers, stop in the middle of a mine field to catch your breath and try to find a new strategy because this one obviously doesn't work, keep crawling while pulling your broken legs behind you, almost die in moving sand, to finally gloriously fail in total humiliation - kind of try?

Good post. I used to do the first thing you mentioned, now I try more to get out of it, it's a trick to fight whatever it takes even though you can't breathe and get so anxious, you still face it and get there. I think a lot of people with SA (no offence) find this too hard and rather avoid it. Don't we? :) We have to break through this cycle of avoidance and get in another state of mind and see that it can actually help us to experience it can be a positive scenario as well. :rolleyes:

A lot of times people said 'You don't try hard enough' It is not a fun comment, but eventually it gives me more motivation to fight even harder and show them I CAN GET THROUGH IT! :rolleyes:

So just proof them wrong, think about possiblities, what could u try to show them you actually want to break free? GOOD LUCK!!
 
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mikebird

Banned
I agree...

I do know a lot of people who look at another's worries, problems and fears, making their own assumptions that they don't try hard enough. This is about a few other things, as well as SA.

This is where people looking from outside have a simple, and perfect life, with nothing to worry about, finding it difficult to understand that the person's concerns go a lot deeper than having trouble making effort. They just don't get it.

My whole family have made a lot of bucks, breeding their own big families, driving exquisite cars, living in lovely houses, and moving house more than once a year, and I've never seen their faces without a big smile on there. That's what set us apart. These people have no idea what a problem is. They don't have to make any effort. They just make money, while telling other people what to do.

It's assumed that my problems are mine, telling me to do more.
 
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