You are only what other people think you are

[Qurion2]

this is wrong
freedom is the chance to decide who you are, yeah, humans limit those too by letting a community/society create standards/expectations from everybody

but most of all our emotions are the only thing that limits us, but there is like there is usually a loophole, if we really want to be alike of somebody(idolising multiple people/character) then we will succeed

edit:
there is one motto i have in my head when it comes to the question of who iam, the answer is "iam who iam and nobody else"

 

[luntan29]

I really agree on what you say here.Hope We can be friends to exchange idea on this subject.Thanks.

 

[KiaKaha]

Well I am no longer going to post in this thread. I am openly going to declare that I am not going to be convinced any other way. I realize how conceited and close minded that sounds - and that may be so. However despite my bias toward the ideas of my opening post, I have read the entirety of all other posts and considered each opposing point to some degree.

I guess I am a bit of a dreamer, somewhat impractical sometimes. But I dont believe all people get the opportunity that they deserve. I think our reality is greatly determined by our external environment. We are limited - by forces that we cannot control.
Some people have more than others - simply because I think our indifference and 'acceptance' of how things happen to be makes it so.

I say - despite innate feelings that we are in control of our own lives, I dont think we really are - at least not entirely.

Something needs to be done about it. An awareness and understanding should be put forth and advocated for the rights of others as objectively in all situations as much as we possibly can.

But hey - I guess thats just me.

Thanks all for the contributions.

 

[Lea]

There will always be unequality on earth, but that´s just the superficial level. Humans aren´t the ultimate judge, that is only God and only on this (deeper) level everything and everyone can be equal.

 

[THeCARS1979]

Dont let anyone decide who you are at all. Ive been fighting this bullsh** off for years. and its extremely annoying so dont succumb to their s**t and just ignore it and play the game

 

[Array]

It's not true, you cannot not communicate, if you don't talk your communicating your unfriendly and closed person. People can only see 1/10th of the real you because your social anxiety makes it hard to show your real self, so people obviously end up with a different image.

(PHYSCOLOGY AND NLP)
What you think in your head end's up showing on the outside, if your sad and depressed, you walk around looking sad and depressed. If your happy people see you being happy and think your a happy person.

What's really happening is that, people are picking up the mental state that you are in and labeling you with it. If your mental state were to change, eventually so would their view of you. It really has nothing to do what they think about you but what you think about yourself.

 

[dragonoth]

I say you should fight for the opportunities you think you deserve. The only limitations you have are the ones you place on yourself. If the environment doesn't complement your dream, change it.

 

[Foxface]

It's not true, you cannot not communicate, if you don't talk your communicating your unfriendly and closed person. People can only see 1/10th of the real you because your social anxiety makes it hard to show your real self, so people obviously end up with a different image.

(PHYSCOLOGY AND NLP)
What you think in your head end's up showing on the outside, if your sad and depressed, you walk around looking sad and depressed. If your happy people see you being happy and think your a happy person.

What's really happening is that, people are picking up the mental state that you are in and labeling you with it. If your mental state were to change, eventually so would their view of you. It really has nothing to do what they think about you but what you think about yourself.

I can smile, but I don't think I smile well, and don't see the use in it. I do smile when I'm in good spirits, becuase I'm often joking with myself, making myself laugh, when alone, usually. I find people look at be weird when I smile and show mky teeth, becuase my teeth are not perfect, and I have a tooth you sticks out over my gums, which looks weird.


Today, I randomly smiled while at the store. People probably get vibes from your facial expressions and how you act.

 

[OceanMist]

I think it's a mix. We have control over some actions and shyness can alter other actions. The thing we can't control is what other people think of us.

I guess you could be perfectly happy with who you are if you are a loner, but what I think is even though you may be happy that doesn't mean other people going to be happy with you.

Something I've learned throughout life is that people are a need if you want to be truly happy with your life. Sharing moments with others in real life is something that must be there to feel truly happily alive.

So the theme of this thread makes sense to me, you must make others happy if you want to live a truly healthy life.

Of course we can't please everyone, but if we please nobody well enough......you end up alone like me.

Being a nice, shy guy only gets you so much respect. It's kind of a far away respect.

I do think other people, anxiety and myself are to blame for that.

 

[OceanMist]

Well, I think the problem comes when it's not just what a few people think of you, but when the overwhelming majority of the world sees you as somebody that is not worth talking to because you are shy, now there is the real problem with what people think of us.

It's bad enough being shy, but when others refuse to start conversations with us and keep us out of cliques because of a general perception of us (Yes, there is a general perception of shy people. And part of the perception is negative).

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "Oh, he's not gonna talk" treatment or the "He's a loser" treatment. I may have learned to not let it bother me anymore but that doesn't mean it hasn't effected my life. It's part of the reason I'm friendless right now. I haven't exactly gotten much help from others.

Many people refuse to throw a bone at us because of what they think of us.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

This is a conflict for me and maybe the main reason why I lack self esteem. It is because I don't wanna look proud or arrogant to others. When I feel confident I always stop and analyze myself if I'm acting like a show off already. So I end up acting like I'm not sure of myself all the time and this shows to others that I don't have confidence. I feel so uncomfortable when I'm in a position where I have to perform my best and people are watching me. I know why I'm acting like I am now. It's all because of the highschool bullies who criticized me for being a "show off". Even if I ignored them, I know that it affected me and even if I'm aware of it now, I feel like there's some truth to what they've said. So I always make sure that I'm not in the limelight.

 

[MrSunday]

Do you believe this to be true?
I think there is some truth to this statement. I know I have brought it up before but I think the way that people see you (the way others pecieve you - or think they know what you are like) will greatly determine to how they will treat you, sometimes limiting you in your potential or opportunity presented to you.

So I ask you - do you believe that the way other people percieve, based on the impression you give about yourself and whether they be right or wrong about it - determines your identity and what is offered and open to you in life?

(and yes - I will argue the point if you happen to believe the opposite)

I think people ignore me and people do actually ignore me. :/

 

[monkeyman]

This is one of my favorite threads that I replied to, so I thought I'd post another reply. Kind of wished the thread would have carried on longer. So many people brought up a lot of great ideas and I think it's an important concept. I think it is a very important question and depending on how you answer the question you may lead a very different life. Are we in control of our own lives or is our life determined by what other people think of us and how they treat us?

From everything I've read I still believe that we are ultimately in control of our own lives even though we are affected at times by what other people think of us and by what they do to us. But we can't let what they think about us or how they treat us define our lives or determine our lives, especially when their thoughts about us are negative. We have to believe that we can become what we want, reach the dreams we want, and live the life we want. And if we do that, we can overcome their negative perceptions and the temporary negative situations they put us in to become anything that we want.

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Anyway, I just want to thank KiaKaha again for bringing up a great point and getting everyone to talk about an interesting philosophical question. One that is unique to the human species, because we have an incredible mind with the ability to understand that other's perceptions and thoughts are different from our own; a theory of mind. And we can realize that their thoughts and feelings affect our own thoughts and feelings. We just have to watch that we don't let their negative thoughts and feelings affect us too much.

The thing is, I've come across this idea time and time again in books and articles about happiness and I feel it's a very important concept. That's why I wanted to share my thoughts in this thread originally. The quote below from just one article says it pretty well. In fact, the last two points in that article, #14 and #15, might be the two most important keys to happiness that I keep coming across. Have a positive attitude and take responsibility for your own life. And the discussion of this thread if I'm not mistaken is basically the first habit of one of the most important self help books of all time, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Be Proactive; otherwise known as you are in control of your own thoughts and your own life.

Anyway great post and great discussion on this one. I enjoyed reading what everyone had to say. I hope everyone who read this thread continues to ask questions and continues to search for what will make them happy in life and reach their dreams, regardless of how they are treated by other people or what other people think of them.

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15 Powerful Things Happy People Do Differently

15 Powerful Things Happy People Do Differently

15. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY VS. BLAMING

They take full ownership over their lives and they rarely use excuses. Happy people understand that the moment you choose to blame some outside force for whatever is happening to you, you are in fact giving all your power away. They choose to keep their power and take responsibility for everything that happens to them.