You are only what other people think you are

coyote

Well-known member
we are what we are

not what others think we are

not what we think we are

thoughts are not reality

the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon

the labels, categories, words, that we use to divide and interpret the world are illusions

the more you live outside your thoughts

the more you will experience true existence

rather than the idea of existence
 

Lea

Banned
What people think of you will definitally leave a mark. For example if almost everyone, even your own family and friends keep telling you your believes are idiotic it will change you. Or you start to believe them and start thinking you are an idiot or you become angry because you never get any respect or you just stay quiet although you're someone who likes to go into discussions and stand up for your believes. In all 3 cases you change because of what people think of you. When you go to 30-40 jobinterviews and you never get the job because you have the wrong skincolor or the wrong motherlanguage you become bitter. When people are constantly telling you you're too skinny, too fat or ugly you become very self conscious about it and so on. It's not going to form your entire personality but it is going to change certain aspects of it.

This is certainly true, I´ve experienced it myself. But still, they can only affect the outer layer of your personality, they cannot change you deep down which is what matters most anyway.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
we are what we are
not what others think we are
not what we think we are
thoughts are not reality
the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon
the labels, categories, words, that we use to divide and interpret the world are illusions
the more you live outside your thoughts
the more you will experience true existence
rather than the idea of existence

Thoughts are reality coyote. Thats how people make sense of the world... no one can live their life comepletely objectively - out side of words, labels and categories. No one is neutral and can see things outside of themselves bereft of inner thoughts and proclivity. Reality is internal not external. There is a difference between absoluteness and philosophy.

The point I am trying to make - is that the way we are treated/our position in life/opportunitycan be determined by how others around us percieve who we are. My personality, your personality....anyone that exists will to some extent leave a mark on others. Why is it that one mans trash is another mans treasure? It's because it's subjective.
 
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coyote

Well-known member
Reality is internal not external.... It's because it's subjective.

so you mean, reality is not absolute?

and it changes, depending on how you choose to see it?

and it comes from your own perception - not from outside sources?

interesting ideas...
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
But that is exactly my point.
Whether or not it goes in ones favour is moot - the fact is that everyone makes sense and sees things in a particular way, whether it be the truth or not. If, by the example given - someone hires you, it is because they have an impression of you. No one is ever going to know who you really are because no one is going to experience the world in exactly the same way as you and all of us have our own biases and prejudices towards things that are unfamiliar.
It's exactly the same if someone likes you initially - they do so because they are seeing you in a favourable light - not because of any objective reasoning.

Dwelling on this is entirely different issue - while some would accept that it is pointless, I think on the other hand it raises awareness and questions our motivation.

I guess I just don't see the point in dwelling on it. But these days I feel that way about most things. Life is complicated enough without dwelling on things. I'm not a philosopher anymore.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
I am not saying that people are completely defined in their entirety by the external world. Everyone has their own sense of identity - no one is going to know more about you than YOU. I think the reasons why people cant understand what it is that I am trying to say is because either - I am not making myself clear enough (which I sometimes do, because really I am not particularly articulate - in my opinion, or maybe perhaps I am..?) or that it is making people feel like they are not in complete control of their own lives - which is a somewhat distressing notion. What I am trying to say is that different people see other people in different ways, determining to some extent how they will treat you, and in more dramatic and larger contexts exactly what kind of position you may find yourself in.

I was wondering the same thing, actually. I must be many, many different people then.

Yes you are - all of us are - depending on who it is that is interacting with us.

Maybe you all think I am a pain by harping on and on and on about how unfair everything is and its starting to get old and annoying - thinking "man this guy really is a dork...just get OVER it already" where as someone who may sympathize with my thoughts may think "hey thats what I think too - this guy is alright...."

I remember reading one time a contract when I started a new job years ago. And I came across a small passage about sexual harassment.... and one sentence struck out at me, and that was "it doesnt matter whether the intention is there or not - if your behaviour is perceived by the other party as inappropriate, it is" - or something to that effect, which made me think.... even if I wasnt someone who is sexually harrasing another person, if someone misunderstands my behaviour (perhaps what I deem as friendly and jovial) and accuses me of sexual harassment then thats what I have become - all based on the other person.

^ just an example. I am not advocating that kind of behaviour at all - just using the concept of sexual harassment to illustrate what it is I am trying to say.
 

Foxface

Well-known member
I don't know. People (usually girls) judge me as a creep or weirdo. I do not think I am creep or weirdo, just a normal person is just misunderstood.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I am not saying that people are completely defined in their entirety by the external world. Everyone has their own sense of identity - no one is going to know more about you than YOU. I think the reasons why people cant understand what it is that I am trying to say is because either - I am not making myself clear enough (which I sometimes do, because really I am not particularly articulate - in my opinion, or maybe perhaps I am..?) or that it is making people feel like they are not in complete control of their own lives - which is a somewhat distressing notion. What I am trying to say is that different people see other people in different ways, determining to some extent how they will treat you, and in more dramatic and larger contexts exactly what kind of position you may find yourself in.



Yes you are - all of us are - depending on who it is that is interacting with us.

Maybe you all think I am a pain by harping on and on and on about how unfair everything is and its starting to get old and annoying - thinking "man this guy really is a dork...just get OVER it already" where as someone who may sympathize with my thoughts may think "hey thats what I think too - this guy is alright...."

I think people understands what you mean, but there is a big difference between having our lives influenced by the way others treat us, and being defined by how others treat us.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
I think people understands what you mean, but there is a big difference between having our lives influenced by the way others treat us, and being defined by how others treat us.

Mmmm perhaps... yes. There is a distinction, which I think is what crazypants was trying to tell me. But that begs the question.... what does define us?
 

KiaKaha

Banned
It could be different for everyone, some people, it's looks (like me), some people are judges by character etc. maybe whatever stands out more.

It is. But do we define ourselves? Or are we defined by what is expected of us? What does identity really mean anyway?
Homosexuality was a mental disorder defined by the APA until 1973 (and it still is considered by some to be) - so who exactly makes the rules? Ourselves or by others?
 

Foxface

Well-known member
It is. But do we define ourselves? Or are we defined by what is expected of us? What does identity really mean anyway?
Homosexuality was a mental disorder defined by the APA until 1973 (and it still is considered by some to be) - so who exactly makes the rules? Ourselves or by others?

Other see things, as other people do. How they are taugh, has an affect on how they define things, I think I said that right.
 

bcsr

Well-known member
So I ask you - do you believe that the way other people percieve, based on the impression you give about yourself and whether they be right or wrong about it - determines your identity and what is offered and open to you in life?

Nope. Not at all. That method of thinking is just looking for someone to blame so you don't have to take responsibility for your life.
 
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