agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
i'm really sorry this is long! it's worth it if you're struggling, i promise!! lol 
okay, so! if you don't know me, i'm katie and i'm agoraphobic.. intensely agoraphobic for one year now.. i used to live pretty normally, aside from a little anxiety and the occasional panic attack (it's genetic), and one day agoraphobia came out of nowhere and stopped my life.. i was suddenly afraid to leave the safety of my house and got extremely bad anxiety anytime i left the house even with either of my parents...
so i started therapy immediately, began figuring out what was going on in my head, learned about CBT and started working on exposure therapy... at first i'd just ride in the car with my mom or dad for a few minutes each day.. i'd ride with them to the drive thru to get food or something.. once i got comfortable with that, i'd ride with them to a small store nearby and go inside for a few minutes.. gradually i increased the time i'd stay in the store, and then i'd start going other places with either of my parents besides just this small store near my house.. so now, i feel pretty much completely fine and can go anywhere with either of my parents or two of my really close friends, it's being alone that is difficult... so i've been driving my car by myself around the neighborhood, etc...
a few months ago i got my dad to take me to trivia night at a restaurant where my friends go, i went inside and he sat in the car for an hour and a half (thanks dad!!! haha) and i had a great time once i got over the anxiety... a few weeks ago he took me and sat in the car for 15 minutes and then left and i, again, had fun after i got over the anxiety.. and my friend even took me back home afterwards! so yesterday i decided i really wanted to go to trivia, but i was really nervous.. my dad wasn't home, so i would have had to get one of my friends to pick me up and take me (one of my friends who is not one of my 2 really close friends).. i think i would have been okay with that, but i was running late, and they were all riding in one car together.. and i didn't want the stress of "if i don't feel good and want to leave, i don't want everyone to have to leave, too"... so it was either stay home, or drive alone....... so i got dressed, didn't give myself enough time to give a sh!t, and i got in my car and pushed myself to drive there alone!!! I DID IT!!! y'all have no idea how amazing it felt once the night was over! it was a little piece of "normal" and i was so happy with myself!!!
mellow mushroom is about 10 minutes away from my house, in the past year, i haven't driven that far away from home while i was alone, at all.. it was the first time i have gone somewhere by myself in public in a little over a year! it was scary as hell, i felt panic like no other, my stomach was in knots, but it was AMAZING! haha! i stayed for the entire time at trivia, then we all went back to my friend's house and i stayed there for another hour and a half! just like i used to when i was "normal".. it was too cool, y'all!
i'm trying really hard to make this short! but i just want y'all to know, that if you push yourself, it can be done! once i slowly started exposing myself to what i was afraid of, i started to feel more and more comfortable.. eventually, i'd be somewhere and think to myself "wait, why am i not panicking right now? huh.. i must not have been thinking about it!" lol.. last night, i was scared sh!tless, but i went to trivia night because i really wanted to, i let my want overpower the "fear" and after about 30 minutes of feeling panicky, shaky and an upset stomach, i felt fine, i felt 'normal' again and i sat there and owned at trivia and had a good time with my friends!!! it was completely and utterly worth the panic!
i'm not saying i'm cured, yet.. but i've come really far in the past year, and i have to have faith that i can overcome this! i took a huge step last night and totally surprised myself.. who says there is a limit to what i can accomplish? who ever said that i won't be able to do what i used to do again? ..i just wanted to share and maybe give you guys a little hope, and maybe you can learn something and try for yourself? i dunno... haha! best wishes y'all! thank you for reading my jumble of words!!!
okay, so! if you don't know me, i'm katie and i'm agoraphobic.. intensely agoraphobic for one year now.. i used to live pretty normally, aside from a little anxiety and the occasional panic attack (it's genetic), and one day agoraphobia came out of nowhere and stopped my life.. i was suddenly afraid to leave the safety of my house and got extremely bad anxiety anytime i left the house even with either of my parents...
so i started therapy immediately, began figuring out what was going on in my head, learned about CBT and started working on exposure therapy... at first i'd just ride in the car with my mom or dad for a few minutes each day.. i'd ride with them to the drive thru to get food or something.. once i got comfortable with that, i'd ride with them to a small store nearby and go inside for a few minutes.. gradually i increased the time i'd stay in the store, and then i'd start going other places with either of my parents besides just this small store near my house.. so now, i feel pretty much completely fine and can go anywhere with either of my parents or two of my really close friends, it's being alone that is difficult... so i've been driving my car by myself around the neighborhood, etc...
a few months ago i got my dad to take me to trivia night at a restaurant where my friends go, i went inside and he sat in the car for an hour and a half (thanks dad!!! haha) and i had a great time once i got over the anxiety... a few weeks ago he took me and sat in the car for 15 minutes and then left and i, again, had fun after i got over the anxiety.. and my friend even took me back home afterwards! so yesterday i decided i really wanted to go to trivia, but i was really nervous.. my dad wasn't home, so i would have had to get one of my friends to pick me up and take me (one of my friends who is not one of my 2 really close friends).. i think i would have been okay with that, but i was running late, and they were all riding in one car together.. and i didn't want the stress of "if i don't feel good and want to leave, i don't want everyone to have to leave, too"... so it was either stay home, or drive alone....... so i got dressed, didn't give myself enough time to give a sh!t, and i got in my car and pushed myself to drive there alone!!! I DID IT!!!
y'all have no idea how amazing it felt once the night was over! it was a little piece of "normal" and i was so happy with myself!!! mellow mushroom is about 10 minutes away from my house, in the past year, i haven't driven that far away from home while i was alone, at all.. it was the first time i have gone somewhere by myself in public in a little over a year! it was scary as hell, i felt panic like no other, my stomach was in knots, but it was AMAZING!
haha! i stayed for the entire time at trivia, then we all went back to my friend's house and i stayed there for another hour and a half! just like i used to when i was "normal".. it was too cool, y'all! i'm trying really hard to make this short! but i just want y'all to know, that if you push yourself, it can be done! once i slowly started exposing myself to what i was afraid of, i started to feel more and more comfortable.. eventually, i'd be somewhere and think to myself "wait, why am i not panicking right now? huh.. i must not have been thinking about it!" lol.. last night, i was scared sh!tless, but i went to trivia night because i really wanted to, i let my want overpower the "fear" and after about 30 minutes of feeling panicky, shaky and an upset stomach, i felt fine, i felt 'normal' again and i sat there and owned at trivia and had a good time with my friends!!! it was completely and utterly worth the panic!
i'm not saying i'm cured, yet.. but i've come really far in the past year, and i have to have faith that i can overcome this! i took a huge step last night and totally surprised myself.. who says there is a limit to what i can accomplish? who ever said that i won't be able to do what i used to do again? ..i just wanted to share and maybe give you guys a little hope, and maybe you can learn something and try for yourself? i dunno... haha! best wishes y'all! thank you for reading my jumble of words!!!
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