Why should men always be confident?

[Argamemnon]

I don't understand: why should men always be "confident"or strong in order to be considered attractive. Is it ok for girls not to be confident? Why this sexism???

Personally, I'm not interested in girls who expect me to always be confident, strong, outgoing etc.. or unpredictable, exciting, funny, or to always take the lead in the relationship.

Girls who have such unrealistic expectations are a major turn off. I'm simply not attracted to those types of shallow females. I would almost prefer homosexual relationships over relationships with such shallow types, even though I'm not gay, lol!

 

[xSleepy]

Well I dont think that...

When I see a guy that really hot, I dont think to myself..... I hope he has confidence...or soemthing like that.

I dont expect guys to always be strong, confident, and whatever. Some girls do though. And those girls suck. Stay away from them. Come over to the dark side with me.... :lol: I have no idea what i meant by that

 

[Argamemnon]

I dont expect guys to always be strong, confident, and whatever. Some girls do though. And those girls suck. Stay away from them. Come over to the dark side with me.... :lol: I have no idea what i meant by that

Hehe

 

[Lawliet]

Its just part of the evolutionary process,they select the "best" to "mate" with,though there are exceptions .......

 

[Doomed2Die]

To tip the balance (evolution ) the biblical take is that the man is head of the house and his family. He takes the step forward and he is in charge of decisive action . Headship means trust among other things, trust means at least some responsibilities and that in turn demands confidence. To some extent anyhow.

Besides the common view on the whole man-confidience thing is a perfectionist take on things, and as we all know perfectionism simply does not work well or make much sense.

 

[lucifersam]

Also, the meek shall inherit. As much as I cap on Christianity, it does have some redeeming points. Too bad those are the ones that get selectively ignored.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

The religious history of male dominance and patriarchy comes from the evolutionary traits of male dominance. Males because stronger because males all over nature have to compete and fight one another as a show of strength in order to pass along their genetic material through the female who is evaluating the viability of the male in question. It is easy enough to see that with males being stronger in ancient human history, the females were to submit to the males, who were the hunters and warriors.

Any male in nature who was too afraid to court a female or to fight a another male would obviously not be a favorable contribution to the gene -pool. This could be the root of the female attraction to confident males - their confidence is a show of their knowledge of their strength, their ability to provide for thelselves and others. These are the evolutionary traits women look for in men.

Funny, too is the fact that women who base their judgement on this said confidenceare called shallow, which implies that they are stupid (perhaps from not having evolved enough...?). The more intelligent of us look at who the person in a different and more thoughtful than what is required of a simple person with little brain activity above the brain stem.

It is much simpler to look at humans as being nothing more than self -conscious monkeys with big brains. Our behaviour is all rooted in primative impulses. We with out a doubt have evolved into what we are.

 

[ghost_train]

Sad as I am to admit, I can kind of understand why girls are (generally) attracted to confident guys. I think it's two fold- one it's linked to all this alpha male bullshit, which, like it or not, reverberates through nature. I guess the paradigm has slightly shifted in our society- being an alpha male is about power and the ability to influence and lead other men. Therefore it's not necessarily, as it is generally in nature, to do with brute strength, but often a different manifestation of power- maybe money, maybe intelligence. I think it's usually assumed that any manifestation of power will go hand in hand with confidence: confidence suggests, plain and simple, that you have something of value about you- something to give.

Now I can't really say why a similar 'confidence' does not seem to be required in females- not as far as I'm concerned anyway- I'm generally turned off by very confident women (which is a shame because they seem to be the ones I attract).

In my case, I've simply never been interested in being a 'leader' of other men- my choice has always been either 'equal' or 'loner'. I feel uneasy whenever I have correct someone on something, and certainly do not revel in pointing out others' mistakes. All this must come across as that I lack confidence- and I do: but not within myself, just in the way I project myself.

Which great artist was ever an alpha male, though?

 

[stardog]

Because that's the way it is. Just look at the World around you. Think it's sexism? Well fine but you're not gonna change it.

It's not the case that the traditional 'alpha male' ALWAYS does better though though...studies have shown that artistic/creative types have more sexual partners on average. (Men included)

Besides, sex isn't everything is it? Some men are meant for greater things.

 

[CPA23]

Confidence is one thing that I have struggled with in my life. I have a muscular body, I'm about average height and I have been told that I'm a hunk (hahahahaha)! But confidence is much more than looks. There are people who would be considered "less attractive" by many but some people are drawn to them because they are confident. For some reason, I just don't want to cross that line of arrogance like some people. I rarely ever, no, never compliment myself in front of people because I do not want to come across as arrogant. And when people give me compliments, I just say thank you. Some people I know would say "I know" or "everybody tells me that."

You just have to find the right balance between being confident and over-confident/arrogant. I just wish I could be semi-confident for once!

 

[stardog]

Yeah I just saw Dom Joly on the TV...he is one confident guy!! no inhibitions there at all. There can only be advantages to that attitude IMO.

Cocksure people often rise to the top while more intelligent people don't because they're full of self-doubt. You see this everywhere.

 

[Lea]

Who says you have to be confident? Just try to be yourself, that´s the best thing you can do. I am not confident either and I know I will hardly change it,because it´s connected to the way I was raised etc., so I´m not trying to.
If I should go on comparing myself to others, I might well shoot myself on the spot.

 

[chris420]

Lea, if you are happy being yourself then you are confident!!

Lack of confidence isn't a personality trait, it's something that prevents you expressing your personality. So it's a negative thing for everyone really. It's just that society expects men to be confident and powerful, although much less so than in the past

 

[shield]

You don't always have to be confident. But listen! If your not confident the majority of the time what is it saying about you? You havn't invested in yourself. You havn't taken the time to build confidence. You havn't worked on helping yourself. You havn't earned the right to get women's affections. Most likely you have sat at home feeling sorry for yourself and that's unattractive. No one's asking you to be somthing you can't be! Confidence is attainable and not taking the time to build it is apathetic. Women aren't going to flock to you for no reason. Guys who work hard to become successful in a chosen area get a payoff in confidence. You can be one of those. Tough luv bro! but good luck

 

[Lea]

That was a nice confidence booster....

 

[coriander1992]

Well I dont think that...

When I see a guy that really hot, I dont think to myself..... I hope he has confidence...or soemthing like that.

I dont expect guys to always be strong, confident, and whatever. Some girls do though. And those girls suck. Stay away from them.

Have to ditto that!

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[Sebr3]

Its just part of the evolutionary process,they select the "best" to "mate" with,though there are exceptions .......

They select the "best" to "mate" with?????

Are you having a lend of us???

Sorry for sounding harsh here but many women make awful relationship choices when it comes to either relationships/or having children. I have lost count of the true stories I have been told about women who have children with the most violent,hopelessly dysfunctional men out there. In many cases you get single mother who have multiple babies to multiple "bad boys" and 'thugs" just so that they can claim the welfare benefits that single mums get.

Also 70% of prisoners in Australian jails (and I imagine,it's the same in most countries), come from dysfunctional family backgrounds where was no father, or a positive father role model in their lives.

Any fool can stick his "you know what" in a woman, but it takes a real and decent man to be a good father.

 

[Sebr3]

You don't always have to be confident. But listen! If your not confident the majority of the time what is it saying about you? You havn't invested in yourself. You havn't taken the time to build confidence. You havn't worked on helping yourself. You havn't earned the right to get women's affections. Most likely you have sat at home feeling sorry for yourself and that's unattractive. No one's asking you to be somthing you can't be! Confidence is attainable and not taking the time to build it is apathetic. Women aren't going to flock to you for no reason. Guys who work hard to become successful in a chosen area get a payoff in confidence. You can be one of those. Tough luv bro! but good luck

Whilst I agree with the general gist of what you say, I must respectfully disagree about your comment "you haven't earned the right to woman's affections". And do the"thugs" and "bad boys", that seem to get an endless supply of female affection/attention, are they more deserving of female affection than us unfortunate nice guys who get habitually ignored???? Who decides whether some guys deserve female affection, and who misses out??

Also, I disagree with your comment "Guys who work hard to become successful in a chosen area get a payoff in confidence. You can be one of those" Whilst, this comment is generally true, ie. you get out of life what you put into it, and that true confidence comes from PREVIOUS PERFORMANCE ACCOMPLISHMENT sadly it does not apply to establishing relationships with women. Yes, in any other aspect of your life, if you give 100% you will see success eg. your career,business your health etc, but with women, you can try your guts out (like I have), and still end up empty handed.

So whilst I agree that success in life depends on what you put into it, the same theory DOES NOT APPLY to establishing relationships with women. I am sorry but that's reality.

 

[Sebr3]

Here we go again, about that rather overused word "confidence', and in the context of establishing relationships.

When I debate with people about the true source of self confidence, I get comments like "self confidence comes from within" etc,etc.

Well, I couldn't give a rats arse what anybody else saids, true self confidence comes from three words, they are:

PREVIOUS,PERFORMANCE, ACCOMPLISHMENT.

Which in simple terms means, that if you have know that if you have done it before successfully, then you know you can do it again. Look at this way, as you go throughout your life, certain barriers or roadblocks are placed before you,ie. some of them are placed by society, and some of them from yourself ie. your own self doubts. However, as you overcome these obstacles (either real or imagined), your confidence grows, because you have done it before successfully. With my case and other love shy men, as we have never ever enjoyed any success at establishing relationships with women (even though I have tried hundreds of times), your confidence effectively gets destroyed, due the constant stream of rejections.

It's a pretty simple concept to understand, it's not rocket science.