Why Low self esteem?

[friend807]

feeling low self esteem is essential symptom of social phobia.
i have been thinking of this symptom.why it is exisit?
mm i think its kind of self defence of prospecting hurts or annoyances of others
We are afraid of drawing nice image upon ourselves coz it might be broken or desgraced from other

so we go to draw a bad image instead


Anyone agree?

 

[Lea]

Not true in my case.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

sometimes i don't do my best cause i don't want to be the center of attention,
although i know i can do much better and then i end up screwing it all up.then i say to myself that i wasnt good enough.Andddd theres the low self esteem. if this is what u mean friend807

 

[faithnomore]

Low self esteem is caused by not having a woman.

 

[AM]

I spoke with my doctor about my low self esteem and a lot of low self esteem is triggered by a lack of unconditional love as a child.

 

[gascar]

low self esteem is the core of social anxiety.
if you eliminate low self esteem you automatically cured your social anxiety.
low self esteem does not automatically say you have social anxiety, but people with social anxiety HAVE low self esteem.

friend807, for you question why this exists?
it actually doesn't, people don't born with low self esteem, but as a child you just learn from and shape by the adults that around you (especially parents), and when parents give you bad feedback or they themselves have low self esteem, so your mind learn this behavior and thats the reason why people have low self esteem.

AM is quite right, low self esteem cause mainly from the feedback you get from society and especially your parents when you are a little child.
when parents tell you to act like that and do that and you should be ashamed of yourself for doing that, it causes you to question yourself "wait, i dont know what im doing, i dont know if im right about my actions, i need guidance". it causes you the need the approval of other people for your actions instead of giving a fuck and do what you think is right.
you have automatic taught in your mind about everything you do, you question yourself and relay on others.
you think to yourself "should i say this or that, will it be ok? how people will react to this?", you are completely not sure about yourself.

the truth is and its important to understand it, that mostly there is no right or wrong what you do is ok, everybody need to have these sets of beliefs, everyone needs to rely on themselves.

this sets of beliefs causes us to be always ok and nutrual, and try to make everyone to like us, its important to understand that its wrong and you CANT be liked be everyone and you dont need to.

want to here something mind blowing?

THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF THEM, AND NOT TRYING TO GET THE APPROVAL OF OTHERS, AND ACTS BY THEIR OWN PRINCIPALS AND BELIEFS THEY ARE THE ONE THAT ARE THE MOST POPULAR AND LOVED.

i have a friend who has very high self esteem, the guy can argue with you about a topic he never heard of, and you will just believe his right, because he is so sure about himself, i admire this quality in him.

i am trying to focus on this issue and set my mind to new beliefs and thoughts. i am trying to get rid of this automatic thoughts that make me care about what other thinks of me, with time its possible.
i really recommend on the book "Your Erroneous Zone" by DR wayne W. Dyer. this book really opened my eyes. this is a self help book that talks about wrong thoughts and how to eliminate them.

i wish you all good 8)

 

[Victor]

Low self esteem is caused by not having a woman.

For me, I think it's the other way around. But sure the tho thinks, once they are there, tend to feed each other.
Since getting a woman depends on the woman too, I do anything I can to raise my self esteem on things that depend upon me: e.g. going to the gym. But I still feel like a stupid weakling.

 

[boredguy]

I couldn't agree with you more gascar. What sucks is that the lower a person's self esteem is, the less they feel like taking the risks of hanging out with people and being rejected. Of course without interaction life begins to suck and the future appears "very doom and gloom", only lowering one's self esteem. It's an awful cycle that is damn hard to break. I know that i NEED to go and interact with people, but i cant force myself to.

 

[Argamemnon]

mm i think its kind of self defence of prospecting hurts or annoyances of others

I agree, but the question is why we do that. Does our brain do this because of certain imbalances or flaws, or do we simply choose that behaviour ourselves? I personally don't think it's a choice, it just happens therefore I believe there is something wrong with our brain.

 

[Argamemnon]

Low self esteem is caused by not having a woman.

Are you sure? What about not having friends, little social contact, no job, or no proper education?

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

low self esteem comes around from having little to no knowledge of you wants, desires etc and therefore not pleasing the self. self esteem comes from:

setting and achieiving goals
knowing what one desires
knowing ones own morals and standing by them.
knowing own spirituality.
associating with people who comply with your own morals for example we can be very different people, but as a rule we dont abuse others when were together eg bully others.
we look after our bodies.
bulding a supportive network of family and friends, co-workers etc
positive relationships.

all these things sound alot. but really at the core of it. its about liking who you are as person, and then these things fall into place naturally.

 

[faithnomore]

Low self esteem is caused by not having a woman.

Are you sure? What about not having friends, little social contact, no job, or no proper education?

I dont need many friends, i dont want much social contact, i wasn't any happier when i was working, and i'm not any happier because i have had a decent enough education.

A woman is what i want/need the most. It's also the hardest task in the history of man!

 

[Kien]

A woman is no requirement to have decent self esteem. (-,-)

 

[Victor]

Are you sure? What about not having friends, little social contact, no job, or no proper education?

Hey, where did you find my picture?

 

[friend807]

4 all

Thanx for all people comments, i realy enjoyed with these ideas
one of the most intersted ideas i got is the lack of love in childhhood and
the mistreatment from parents and overcontrol from them

also the fail in love,woman is essentail in our life but i dont think so that the lack of relationship with a woman is core of low self esteem.
the core is mislove with family and parent and friends in early childhood
we are bad luck :roll: people LOL
Anyway thanx so much i realy enjoyed reading all comments

 

[Jura]

That's not true: I for one have very high self-esteem and that's not helping at all. SAD and low self-esteem are comorbid, but in no way does SAD require low self-esteem.

 

[gascar]

oh this is so wrong, high self esteem doesnt need to come from anything, only from the fact that you are alive.
this is so wrong thought!

didnt you ever see complete losers that actually doesnt have nothing to be proud of but have really high self esteem and even have a beautiful girl.

there are a lot of people that have the same thinking of you guys, that you need a great job, have a lot of money, have fancy clothes to feel good, and there are actually people who think that they need to wait to achieve this thing to have this! and only after that they could start dating girls otherwise they are nothing!

ITS TOTAL CRAP!!! you need to feel good about yourself and have the highest self esteem just from the REASON YOU ARE ALIVE!
im not saying it is easy to have core self esteem after you know this, but i think this should be the the goal of everyone here, to have core self esteem just because, and not for any other reason.

jura, i have a question, can you give me an example how it appears in your life? the high self esteem and the SA?

 

[chrislookscute]

the funny thing is is that i have very HIGH self esteem. i know i am very attractive and i dress to impress and i have a wonderful personality (so i'm told) but im TERRIFIED of social events/parties/clubs anything with people. i dont get it! i feel like everyone looks and laughs at me like im a clown. its so weird. i get hit on all the time but i just dont know what to say or how to talk to the person so i end up just smiling and rejecting so people think im stuck up

 

[Argamemnon]

^^ perhaps your self esteem is not as high as you think it is.

 

[dottie]

i feel like my low self esteem is because of my social anxiety. i mean, i am afraid of people first. this makes me socially inefficient and powerless therefore it leaves me raped of self esteem.

ok i'm editing to add more...

for example, i can feel really good about myself. my confidence will be up because i have been doing well in school, i am having a great hair day, and i'm wearing my favorite jeans. then unexpectedly i will run into a social situation. i will just roll with it and try to socialize. at first they will be cool but after i start talking people will become stand-offish and give me a vibe like... i am weird. like i am coming on too strong or that i am trying too hard.

maybe that is in fact my problem, that i'm trying too hard. but i don't know any other way to socialize because it does not come naturally. hell, i don't know what to do with my eyes or hands. i just want people to know that i am friendly. and i do try. because otherwise i would be some jobless loser who never leaves the house, hiding in fetal position (which, btw, i don't feel THAT far off from).

but yeah, i can feel great about myself. i can be happy and content with my talents and interests until i approach a social situation. then it's all down the drain.