why do you have social phobia?
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coolguy2005
Well-known member
I don't blame my SA on my environment or people or circumstances. In highschool, I chose to have SA. It was a choice, but a wrong choice. I can beat myself up saying that I could have chosen to be confident, but the past is the past, and I look forward to the future. I can become who I want to be. Just like you can become who you want to be.
"babies are very sensitive to their mother's feelings"
I was still in my mom's stomach when my dad and mom were having fights. I was born underweight, with too much water in my head, all of which was pumped out, but that did not result in SA.
In elementary school I developed tourettes and obsession compulsive. But I wasn't afraid. Sure people made fun of me, but I was really happy and laughed back at it and many people were nice to me. THat didn't give me my SA.
In highschool I was bullied and picked on. I also 'bullied myself'. I chose to though. I chose to bully myself which gave people the power to bully myself.
The thing is...we can choose to do different things. Chose to be happy, choose to be powerful and happy, choose to be fufilled and glourious....
Just like you choose to be unhappy, so can you choose another path...it's up to you
Choose and then find how you can accomplish that
"babies are very sensitive to their mother's feelings"
I was still in my mom's stomach when my dad and mom were having fights. I was born underweight, with too much water in my head, all of which was pumped out, but that did not result in SA.
In elementary school I developed tourettes and obsession compulsive. But I wasn't afraid. Sure people made fun of me, but I was really happy and laughed back at it and many people were nice to me. THat didn't give me my SA.
In highschool I was bullied and picked on. I also 'bullied myself'. I chose to though. I chose to bully myself which gave people the power to bully myself.
The thing is...we can choose to do different things. Chose to be happy, choose to be powerful and happy, choose to be fufilled and glourious....
Just like you choose to be unhappy, so can you choose another path...it's up to you
Choose and then find how you can accomplish that
marki
Well-known member
Its not that simple, i am unhappy, but i didnt choose for that of course, i don't want to be unhappy and i cant just say, Hey lets be happy again and then be happy again, its not that simple..I really do want to be happy but i dont know how that s the point its not about chosing for it or not..
I also dont blame my environment, it is just a factor that can make it worse, i blame myself for having SA. Im just too sensitive.
I also dont blame my environment, it is just a factor that can make it worse, i blame myself for having SA. Im just too sensitive.
coolguy2005
Well-known member
Marki,
1. blaming yourself only makes it worse. Don't focus on that. Don't kill yourself over that.
2. You say that you don't know how to be happy. Actually, you do know how to be happy. Let me give you some practical advice.
1. Physical Exercise. 30 minutes a day will release chemicals in your brain that will make you feel better. Walking, biking, swimming, aerobics, dancing, weight training....
2. Focus on your interests. What are your hobbies? WOrk on them. For example, my hobby is 'self development'. I like to find ways to make myself healthier than apply it. I also like to teach others what I learned. I am doing that right now aren't I ? I'm sharing my ideas and knowledges. That's a hobby of mine and it makes me feel better about myself. I'm also helping myslef by doing this. I learn great things.
3. Love yourself. instead of put-downs tell yourself how great you are, how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, how cool you are, how 'groovy you are', how great of a listener. Make a list of all the positive qualities and skills that you have and read it allowed to yourself each day.
4. Positive Language. Turn everything into a positive. It's easy and you're brain will thank you. I've done it and it's working.
5. Choose how to respond. Steven Covey, from book, '7 habits of highly effective people', states that 'between stimulus and repsonse...is our freedom to choose'. CHOOse to intrepret every situation as positive, choose to interpret everything as wonderful and interesting, choose to interpret everything as an interest challange that will develop your potential and create a new and better person in you
hope this helps
1. blaming yourself only makes it worse. Don't focus on that. Don't kill yourself over that.
2. You say that you don't know how to be happy. Actually, you do know how to be happy. Let me give you some practical advice.
1. Physical Exercise. 30 minutes a day will release chemicals in your brain that will make you feel better. Walking, biking, swimming, aerobics, dancing, weight training....
2. Focus on your interests. What are your hobbies? WOrk on them. For example, my hobby is 'self development'. I like to find ways to make myself healthier than apply it. I also like to teach others what I learned. I am doing that right now aren't I ? I'm sharing my ideas and knowledges. That's a hobby of mine and it makes me feel better about myself. I'm also helping myslef by doing this. I learn great things.
3. Love yourself. instead of put-downs tell yourself how great you are, how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, how cool you are, how 'groovy you are', how great of a listener. Make a list of all the positive qualities and skills that you have and read it allowed to yourself each day.
4. Positive Language. Turn everything into a positive. It's easy and you're brain will thank you. I've done it and it's working.
5. Choose how to respond. Steven Covey, from book, '7 habits of highly effective people', states that 'between stimulus and repsonse...is our freedom to choose'. CHOOse to intrepret every situation as positive, choose to interpret everything as wonderful and interesting, choose to interpret everything as an interest challange that will develop your potential and create a new and better person in you
hope this helps
coolguy2005
Well-known member
Marki,
1. blaming yourself only makes it worse. Don't focus on that. Don't kill yourself over that.
2. You say that you don't know how to be happy. Actually, you do know how to be happy. Let me give you some practical advice.
1. Physical Exercise. 30 minutes a day will release chemicals in your brain that will make you feel better. Walking, biking, swimming, aerobics, dancing, weight training....
2. Focus on your interests. What are your hobbies? WOrk on them. For example, my hobby is 'self development'. I like to find ways to make myself healthier than apply it. I also like to teach others what I learned. I am doing that right now aren't I ? I'm sharing my ideas and knowledges. That's a hobby of mine and it makes me feel better about myself. I'm also helping myslef by doing this. I learn great things.
3. Love yourself. instead of put-downs tell yourself how great you are, how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, how cool you are, how 'groovy you are', how great of a listener. Make a list of all the positive qualities and skills that you have and read it allowed to yourself each day.
4. Positive Language. Turn everything into a positive. It's easy and you're brain will thank you. I've done it and it's working.
5. Choose how to respond. Steven Covey, from book, '7 habits of highly effective people', states that 'between stimulus and repsonse...is our freedom to choose'. CHOOse to intrepret every situation as positive, choose to interpret everything as wonderful and interesting, choose to interpret everything as an interest challange that will develop your potential and create a new and better person in you
hope this helps
1. blaming yourself only makes it worse. Don't focus on that. Don't kill yourself over that.
2. You say that you don't know how to be happy. Actually, you do know how to be happy. Let me give you some practical advice.
1. Physical Exercise. 30 minutes a day will release chemicals in your brain that will make you feel better. Walking, biking, swimming, aerobics, dancing, weight training....
2. Focus on your interests. What are your hobbies? WOrk on them. For example, my hobby is 'self development'. I like to find ways to make myself healthier than apply it. I also like to teach others what I learned. I am doing that right now aren't I ? I'm sharing my ideas and knowledges. That's a hobby of mine and it makes me feel better about myself. I'm also helping myslef by doing this. I learn great things.
3. Love yourself. instead of put-downs tell yourself how great you are, how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, how cool you are, how 'groovy you are', how great of a listener. Make a list of all the positive qualities and skills that you have and read it allowed to yourself each day.
4. Positive Language. Turn everything into a positive. It's easy and you're brain will thank you. I've done it and it's working.
5. Choose how to respond. Steven Covey, from book, '7 habits of highly effective people', states that 'between stimulus and repsonse...is our freedom to choose'. CHOOse to intrepret every situation as positive, choose to interpret everything as wonderful and interesting, choose to interpret everything as an interest challange that will develop your potential and create a new and better person in you
hope this helps
marki
Well-known member
well, thank you for your advice..
i deffinitely agree with you that i need some distraction, like excersise or something like that, right now after school and in the weekends all i do is sitting home, doing nothing but worrieing about everything, i dont even have hobbies..
I used to go to a sportclub but after a while my SA got worse and i didnt dare to go there anymmore :?
since then i've never done anything like that anymore. But sitting at home all da long is very depressing, so i know that i need to find some distraction, im still not sure what im going to do but i know i will do something, im tired of sitting home all day long
i deffinitely agree with you that i need some distraction, like excersise or something like that, right now after school and in the weekends all i do is sitting home, doing nothing but worrieing about everything, i dont even have hobbies..
I used to go to a sportclub but after a while my SA got worse and i didnt dare to go there anymmore :?
since then i've never done anything like that anymore. But sitting at home all da long is very depressing, so i know that i need to find some distraction, im still not sure what im going to do but i know i will do something, im tired of sitting home all day long
I don't like to get into the habit of blaming outside forces for my problems, but let's face it, children have very little control over their lives. Their home is the most influencial, and some of us have not had secure homes. I can see how our environment as young children can shape our thinking and our behavior.
I think it's healthy to think about our past and realize where our problems might have come from. This way we know that if we were conditioned to think a certain way, we can fix it and do the opposite just as it happened the first time. We can say, "As a child I had things going on around me, and my shyness was the only way I knew to cope."
But now that most of us are adults, have been educated about our problems, and can now create our own environments, I think we do have a responsibility to forgive others for the past and help ourselves.
I think it's healthy to think about our past and realize where our problems might have come from. This way we know that if we were conditioned to think a certain way, we can fix it and do the opposite just as it happened the first time. We can say, "As a child I had things going on around me, and my shyness was the only way I knew to cope."
But now that most of us are adults, have been educated about our problems, and can now create our own environments, I think we do have a responsibility to forgive others for the past and help ourselves.
JJenny
Active member
Well ya know there is this difference I found out along the way that blame only had me living my life as a victim and recycling my reactions and emotions and constantly lost to finding my way free. I accept I'm highly sensitive and so was my mother but that's so cool cos I've learnt from it and taken responsibility for how I am and taking responsibility is self empowerment. I like being highly sensitive, I accept it and it has many benefits when in the past it was like a curse. Every cloud has a silver lining :wink:
Fredscars
Well-known member
I think it had something to do with my upbringing.
I'm a very over-protected kid, my parents dont like me going out much, or anyhting of that sort so i didnt have all that interaction as a child..
Also, i was aloways taught, say if i was bullied that if you dont show your emotions then the bullies will get bored and go away. I was never bullied, picked on slightly but thats all..but ive always grown up keeping my emotions to myself.
ive also always known not to be loud, not to show myself up and over the years i think it develpoed into SA
I'm a very over-protected kid, my parents dont like me going out much, or anyhting of that sort so i didnt have all that interaction as a child..
Also, i was aloways taught, say if i was bullied that if you dont show your emotions then the bullies will get bored and go away. I was never bullied, picked on slightly but thats all..but ive always grown up keeping my emotions to myself.
ive also always known not to be loud, not to show myself up and over the years i think it develpoed into SA
Uglyduckling
Active member
I'm not exactly sure why. My onset came at 19 years of age.
My father does love to yell alot and surely scared me as a child.
My eczema always made me feel different than other people. Not as pretty. I have had numerous outbreaks. It never seems to clear.
In grade 12, I had no friends and the grade nine's on the bus made fun of me. I told them off on the last day of highschool. lol! They had no right.
- When the kids down the road didn't want to play with me since I had eczema. (age 7)
- My parents never put me into any groups, except for t-ball when I was six. If I have kids they are joining groups.
- My friends made fun of my eczema.
- In grade 12, I had no friends and the grade nine's on the bus made fun of me. I told them off on the last day of highschool. lol! They had no right. One of the girls was big and got driven to the end of her driveway. spoiled brat! (Just reminiscing)
- In college, I didn't want to get out of my mom's vehicle. I think I just became more scared around people in college. I remember not wanting to eat in the cafeteria, looking mostly at the floor. No friends in college either.
- My 1st boyfriend was a jerk. The onset came around the time I met him in 1998 at the age of 19.
My father does love to yell alot and surely scared me as a child.
My eczema always made me feel different than other people. Not as pretty. I have had numerous outbreaks. It never seems to clear.
In grade 12, I had no friends and the grade nine's on the bus made fun of me. I told them off on the last day of highschool. lol! They had no right.
- When the kids down the road didn't want to play with me since I had eczema. (age 7)
- My parents never put me into any groups, except for t-ball when I was six. If I have kids they are joining groups.
- My friends made fun of my eczema.
- In grade 12, I had no friends and the grade nine's on the bus made fun of me. I told them off on the last day of highschool. lol! They had no right. One of the girls was big and got driven to the end of her driveway. spoiled brat! (Just reminiscing)
- In college, I didn't want to get out of my mom's vehicle. I think I just became more scared around people in college. I remember not wanting to eat in the cafeteria, looking mostly at the floor. No friends in college either.
- My 1st boyfriend was a jerk. The onset came around the time I met him in 1998 at the age of 19.
triceratops
Well-known member
I've always known my upbringing caused my sp, didn't have a bad upbringing but my dad was an alcohlic who used to beat me up sometimes so i think that contributed to it. I think the main reason is I used to have a speech problem when I was younger (like garath gates has) I don't have it now but I remember kids used to laugh and that made me hate public speaking and stuff. So maybe this is where my sp stemmed from.
(Tell me why?)(Do we build castles in the sky?)
(Tell me why?)(Do we build castles in the sky?)
MrsCeleste
Member
First of all, Hello! I just joined,
My phobia's started when I was 17 I have been trying to figure out exactly why in theropy for ages. I have had alot of unpleasent and stressful things happen to me in my life but before 17 I dont really remember being terribly unhappy or scared. I do have one thoery relating to childhood though.
When I was 3 years old, I disapeared in Washington DC for more then 24 hours. I dont know what happened but soon after that I created a boogyman who I called the happy. He was a man in a buisness suit and he held a breifcase. I was always shy but I moved to a small community when I was 5 so it never became a problem. I have always wondered if something happened to make me afraid of strangers.
My phobia's started when I was 17 I have been trying to figure out exactly why in theropy for ages. I have had alot of unpleasent and stressful things happen to me in my life but before 17 I dont really remember being terribly unhappy or scared. I do have one thoery relating to childhood though.
When I was 3 years old, I disapeared in Washington DC for more then 24 hours. I dont know what happened but soon after that I created a boogyman who I called the happy. He was a man in a buisness suit and he held a breifcase. I was always shy but I moved to a small community when I was 5 so it never became a problem. I have always wondered if something happened to make me afraid of strangers.
MrsCeleste
Member
The strangest thing to me was that when I was 16 I enjoyed acting in plays and even did a few commercials.
Has anyone else here experianced a radical change like that?
Has anyone else here experianced a radical change like that?
MrsCeleste
Member
Do you get shy on message boards or on the telephone, or is it just in person?
Fredscars
Well-known member
Apparently if a woman came into the room i was in that i didnt know i would scream my head off until they left. Men were fine though (im still happier with men than women...which isnt good considering i go to a girl school :roll: )
and my brother always cried until he was picked up. I cried if i WAS picked up. I just wanted to be left alone to sleep.
and my brother always cried until he was picked up. I cried if i WAS picked up. I just wanted to be left alone to sleep.
hmm.. i think i have SA because of my childhood. not because of the way i was brought up, although i have to say my mom was really overprotective. but i must say it was because of the other kids. i just looked so fragile when i was young, even up to now. maybe that's why im their favorite victim.
LadyWench
Well-known member
I think a lot of these can apply to me. I've had anxiety since I was a toddler. My mom would leave me with the babysitter when I was about 3-4 years old, so she could go to work. I remember the entire time she was gone (roughly 8 hours), I would cry. I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep or go to the bathroom. Just cry. My mom took me to a therapist and they said it was simply separation anxiety. Which it could very well have been. But it's gotten progressively worse since then. I now suffer from clinical depression, OCD, hypochondria, social anxiety and panic disorder. And when I'm having anxiety and I'm alone, I freak out and can't stop. It's fun!
I think I was probably born with the predisposition to have anxiety disorders and such. It runs in my family, as well as depression. But I'm sure my mom played a big role in it, too. As much as I love her, I personally and fully believe she has borderline personality disorder. It affects me daily, as I'm sure my issues affect her, too. But she's always been a huge worry wort, and will flip out over minor things...like I do. I believe a lot of it is just from growing up around someone that's worried about many things in life and can't get a grip. And maybe a mixture with a possible chemical imbalance. I really don't know. I just know that I am F*CKED UP. Sorry this is long.