Why do we wear a mask?

[Dudley]

Checking and repeating, checking and repeating, pacing and rehearsing conversations in my head, checking and repeating. Yeah, the last few days have been pretty much that. On the outside, I just look like a quiet guy. I try to make eye contact, be polite, smile, all that stuff.

But lately it's just getting tough to keep the mask of being normal and calm on. I'm terrified that I'll wind up being that sad, pathetic guy. Lack of confidence leads to obsessive thoughts which lead to compulsions which lead to me not feeling confident. I detect a pattern.

My point here is: how hard do you try to appear that you don't have OCD/anxiety?

 

[azurro]

to be able to become confident .. you have to start acting confident .. imitating people that are confident ..
whats happening to you is that you are too selfconscious of yourself .. and thats the worst thing you can because it makes you nervous in the end
people that are real confident are not self conscious or thinking " am i looking confident" ?
they just are .. is natural to them .. they focus on other things instead of themselves
for example ..

how is an eagle confident ??? an eagle is confident because it knows it can fly and do the thing it has to do to survive .. the eagle is never cheeking if hes confident or not
because of practice and experience he became confident and now is natural for it
another example:
driving .. once you learn to drive it becomes second nature .. something normal
but if u pay attention when u drive you are confident .. you have confidence in driving
u just don't notice it because is something natural now
same thing for people that are confident in social situations or other situations
fake until you make it
but you can imitate all you want and try to appear confident but it wont happen unless you change the way you think about yourself ..
of course imitating confident people help but is not enough to become really confident
thats why hypnosis and stuff like that is helpful becomes it changes the way you think about situations and yourself so when you go to those situations you perform better and it happens naturally instead of you trying to appear confident

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I never reflect on it, and I never have an inner dialogue about it when I'm being really self-conscious. When I catch myself being too concerned about looking all-together and outgoing, I remind myself that I'm trying to look cooler than I really am, then I just give myself permission to be a moderately-socially awkward goofball and go on about my day.

I used to get this thing where my face would start to tremble when I was anxious, and if it went on for too long, I'd start to get painful cramps around my mouth. It was dreadful, and it made my SA worse because I felt like I was really giving people a freak show to look at in those instances.

Then I decided not to mask my emotions facially. If I was mad, I'd scowl a little. If I were bummed, I'd shrug my shoulders and purse my lips. If I was worried, I'd give myself permission to look concerned. I didn't pantomime or do anything dramatic, I just made the same faces I'd make if I were in private, but in public.

That took care of the cramps and trembling, because I wasn't so focused on controlling my expressions and looking 'normal' anymore. It also made me feel more free because I wasn't hiding my feelings. Expressing it through my gestures also allowed me to let off some steam physically that had built-up mentally.

It was really empowering, it was like I turned my biggest weakness into something that made me actually feel better when I was out there in the weird, wild, world.

 

[azurro]

Lack of confidence leads to obsessive thoughts which lead to compulsions which lead to me not feeling confident. I detect a pattern.

is a typical problem with people that know that they lack selfconfidence and want to change, so they figure i will try to act confident and calm
is a good idea but unfortunately if are always checking yourself .. you will start noticing that your anxiety gets worst .. you will notice your mistakes even more .. that's selfconsciousness
you have to change you subconscious mind not the conscious one. easier said that done of course
good experiences through out life give you confidence because you start believing that you can do certain things but it takes years for that believe to becomes permanent in you subconscious mind
one thing the mind doesn't differentiate real experiences from fake experiences .. that's why hypnosis is helpful because you can imagine certain things and prepare yourself for certain situations
ever noticed when you think that things are going to go wrong, they usually do ..

 

[agoraphobickatie]

is a typical problem with people that know that they lack selfconfidence and want to change, so they figure i will try to act confident and calm
is a good idea but unfortunately if are always checking yourself .. you will start noticing that your anxiety gets worst .. you will notice your mistakes even more .. that's selfconsciousness
you have to change you subconscious mind not the conscious one. easier said that done of course
good experiences through out life give you confidence because you start believing that you can do certain things but it takes years for that believe to becomes permanent in you subconscious mind
one thing the mind doesn't differentiate real experiences from fake experiences .. that's why hypnosis is helpful because you can imagine certain things and prepare yourself for certain situations
ever noticed when you think that things are going to go wrong, they usually do ..

agreed there... i say this quote all the time on this forum, but it's so true and it's something we should all kind of think about, because it's a problem that most of us have.. we weigh down that "can't" side waaayyyy too often, and it's just as influential on our minds/bodies as the "can" side, it works both ways, but it's so much easier for us to think negative and let that affect us ---

"whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right"
-henry ford

 

[Harleyq]

I never try to hide my anxiety, because it doesn't works anyways. Even when I'm trying to look all calm and collected, people tell me to relax or I catch myself fidgeting with something in my hands.

Now I just try to smile and tell people "Sorry, I have an anxiety problem" - I don't go into details, though. Nobody needs to know the embarrassing specifics

 

[agoraphobickatie]

Now I just try to smile and tell people "Sorry, I have an anxiety problem" - I don't go into details, though. Nobody needs to know the embarrassing specifics

haha, i do that too! just kind of make it a laughing matter, "sorry, i'm crazy at the moment..." lol

 

[Mack_Berserk]

I used to get this thing where my face would start to tremble when I was anxious, and if it went on for too long, I'd start to get painful cramps around my mouth. It was dreadful, and it made my SA worse because I felt like I was really giving people a freak show to look at in those instances.

Then I decided not to mask my emotions facially.

This really describes me perfectly until that last statement there. No matter what I "decide", my anxiety will usually get the best of me. I say 'usually' because some mysterious days I just don't feel any anxiety... unless somebody tries to talk to me of course.

My lack of confidence is centered on "looking normal" so my expression is always the same, and that is usually a frown. It's very confusing trying to explain it, even to me: I'm self-conscious, so I involuntarily do not express myself and end up looking pissed off and cold. When I realize that I'm frowning I will try to smile, but it always feels weird and wrong.

Maybe I just have no confidence in my smile and I believe subconsciously that the farthest thing from that is to appear angry.

 

[Harleyq]

This really describes me perfectly until that last statement there. No matter what I "decide", my anxiety will usually get the best of me. I say 'usually' because some mysterious days I just don't feel any anxiety... unless somebody tries to talk to me of course.

My lack of confidence is centered on "looking normal" so my expression is always the same, and that is usually a frown. It's very confusing trying to explain it, even to me: I'm self-conscious, so I involuntarily do not express myself and end up looking pissed off and cold. When I realize that I'm frowning I will try to smile, but it always feels weird and wrong.

Maybe I just have no confidence in my smile and I believe subconsciously that the farthest thing from that is to appear angry.

Same here. I think I'm friendly when approached, but I'm not a natural smiler - something has to really make me laugh before I show teeth. I never really started forcing myself to smile until I began waiting tables and I had to in order to squeeze money out of people.

I still wonder if people at work can tell that my smile is fake. It just doesn't feel right.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

Same here. I think I'm friendly when approached, but I'm not a natural smiler - something has to really make me laugh before I show teeth. I never really started forcing myself to smile until I began waiting tables and I had to in order to squeeze money out of people.

I still wonder if people at work can tell that my smile is fake. It just doesn't feel right.

Wow. It's funny you say that because I had to work as a Host at a restaurant for about four months. Co-workers would tell me they could totally tell that my smile was fake. I was sorta getting the feeling from customers anyway, but that confirmed it. I would wonder if I was half-smiling, smiling too 'grandly', etc. etc. Heh, completely rediculous thinking back on it.

The sad thing about all that smiling is, I had thought that I would smile naturally (or even fakely) more often after that job... Not so.

 

[Dudley]

Wow, I didn't think I would get this much feedback this soon.

I kind of lucked out because 99% of the time, I smile when I'm nervous. I do my best to be nice to people and talk when people talk to me, but it's tough. I believe the whole "can and can't are just words" and "fake it until you make it" and I try to live by those because the only thing really stopping me is my brain.

It's tough because I'm trying really hard to make friends at my college (I know a few people here from my past but I don't see them and don't really want to anyway). I want to appear outgoing and happy and all that but I shudder to think what would happen if they could see what I'm thinking.

Either way, thanks for the kind words and here's hoping we can all overcome this nonsense.

 

[Lonelykitsune]

pretty hard,i have an expressionless face at school most of the time(most people think i look sad or angry)i feel awkward smiling cos i dont know whtr it looks fake or my face just looks silly.i automaticcly start twiddling a bit of hair near my ear whenever anyone speaks to me.i try to be nice but my entire vocabulary at school consists of "hi,bye,ok,thanks,sorry,here"thats all i say at school.pretty crap,and its barely even audible