Basically bullies have emotional "needs", which require them to attack/indimidate/belittle a "victim", for those emotional needs to be met. And yes, they indeed are "sick" individuals. But that's the only way they've learnt to deal with these emotions/needs.
Research apparently shows that school bullies frequently end up in jail!
One of my school bullies is now a policer officer (!!!). Another is dead.
I sometimes wonder if its brainwashing about right and wrong absolutes, that causes us to become naive enough to be so bemused when we are bullied for the first time. I don't know what others felt at that time, but for me it was denial
Same here!. I never really regarded it as "bullying", but more like "just getting hassled from time-to-time". I was very sensitive, but i also had an inner strength (?), which caused me to never "hate" them, but only myself.
I reckon the best counter (not for physical) is to be (or at least appear) COMPLETELY uneffected
This is exactly how i handled it. At the time my motive was so that they never gained the
pleasure/satisfaction/etc from it, and also so i would feel less angry/victimized (by not letting them, my enemy, who i disliked but didn't hate/blame, to gain any positives - as they were giving me negatives, and so would be an unjust imbalance of power). Basically i tried my very best to handle the very repressed & supressed rage that was boiling deep within me.
Nowadays, i would (& do) handle such very rare occurences of bully-like behaviour in a different, much more healthy way. As you said joeljjison, i still try to aim for "unaffected", but not simply to APPEAR unaffected (as in the past), but actually to BE unaffected (& not only at the SURFACE (ie not get angry at time), but also & more importantly at a DEEP level).
How i achieve this, which i currently have had 100% success with, is to NOT JUDGE anything that anybody "throws" at you (as good, bad, evil, whatever) , but simply to view it EXACTLY AS IS, and to ACCEPT that this present moment is "PERFECT" EXACTLY AS IT IS. Ie DON'T FIGHT IT, as that is the main cause of conflict - "fighting" against people, their words, actions, beliefs. Its kind of using the power of your imagination to remove all people-conflict from your life. But this ISN'T being a "wimp" & "letting them win" & treat you like a "doormat" - it is the
exact opposite. It's "
inner power".
You choose not to engage in "fighting" against them. You allow them to (do their stuff) --> you "accept" it (
as having happened/ing, not as "okay" or "not okay") --> you don't react with negative thoughts/feelings --> (and in theory) they very quickly "tire" of bullying you (as you don't put up the "
resistance" or supply the "
conflict" that they want, nor do you react with
negative feelings (which they probably also want), and so it becomes a pointless exercise for them as they are getting no "
pay-off" from it any more).
I certainly do have "WAY bigger fish-to-fry" in my life, nowadays & also back then, and so eliminating this one source of problems has certainly been helpful for me, so i can focus on other, more important things.
I'll just keep it at that. Once you've had enough of it you will explode and they will be sorry they kept it up...not saying its a good thing but unless you do something about it non violently you will probably explode one day...
