Who's Married?

[pebblesdundee]

Love isn't about what is or isn't wrong with you, or looking at how good of a prospective partner you'll be, if you're deciding to get married, or even start a relationship, because you're thinking like "he/she'll be god for me because this this and this", I think it's doomed from the start.

Just my opinion

 

[fitftw]

I agree with everything Basil has said here. A person with SA/AvPD can not be with someone who's outgoing and lively. It won't work for long. I've done that. They can only take so much of you being that way until they go crazy. You need to find someone with problems similar to yours. Strength in numbers.

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

Oh Enigmati people get married for many reasons, but the one thing marriage cannot be based on is sympathy..

We are humans.. and your partner would still compare you to the norm, he/she would occasionally blame you for your incompetence.. you can't change it, you can't blame him/her either.. and from the way I see it, it's even harder when it is "him"..

Having AvPD/SAD is way too far from being complementary to your normal partner or complementing each other..

The problem is people with such disorders are successful in hiding and faking it, that it becomes hard enough to find each other in the crowd.

I don't agree with you at all. What a sad outlook you have that "understanding"="sympathy". People have many issues aside from SA, each can be just as challenging within a relationship. You are being far too negative on this, and that there will be your downfall. None of us are "incompetent" - we have problems and trials like anyone else to overcome. Communication is the key for any relationship and the willingness to do that in every meaning of the word. You will of course fine some partners who won't deal with it, and so they would not be right for you and you for them, however that is not down to SA, that is just life. I myself have proof that a relationship can grow and flourish when one person has SA and the other doesn't. Of course it takes work, but any relationship with any factors involved takes work. I believe it can give you a stronger, deeper relationship when found with the right person because there is true understanding of one another. There is no need for people to be divided up into these groups of "social capability" we are all just people in the end, and having SA does not put you at the bottom or make you any less worthy.

 

[doubleM]

im glad im not. and its probably a good thing...in my state of mind right now i would not make a good partner. i dont really see myself as a family man...and not the womanizing antimarriage type, just the loner type who is left to his own devices. i dislike the idea of being tied down forever to someone.
so if i ever do find a woman who is worth a damn...ohhh shes gonna have to measure up to some standards before i will tie a knot with her.