When was the last time you approached a member of the opostite sex.

[Spike Lee]

For me it was 2007, outside of one of my classes. I normally didn't approach women due to my extreme shyness but when you're surrounded by your "boys" and they're all watching you then you're forced to do something or else they'll label you gay or what not, I don't think I have ever approached a female while I was by myself. (not that there is anything wrong with being gay...anyway back to the story) Now I have never had any type of "game" at all during my lifetime. My so called pick up likes were simple things like "How are you doing? What is your name? yadda yadda. do you have a number?" and they worked about 80% of the time. I only had 2 real girlfriends in my lifetime due to my lack of social skills, but I had dozens of women's phone numbers.(I was actually 17 yrs old getting 30 yr old women home numbers at one point, a faaaar cry from what I am now lol) Obtaining numbers and meeting people was no problem for me, it's just that everything else that comes after that was.

Anyway, so I got this young lady's number, we talk on the phone about class and other things a few times, then about 2 weeks later she sends me a text saying "BRB my boyfriend is here". I see her outside of class the next day and she's like "yeah, sorry about that last night, my boyfriend decided to come over at the last minute"...I reply "You have a boyfriend and yet you're still giving guys your number?" like a confused idiot. She goes...."Yes, if he can have friends on the side then why can't I?". I just looked at her like she was crazy and walked to class.


Needless to say I stopped talking to her after that.....she was gorgeous though...

but yeah, i kinda' gave up after that, and soon after my regular "shyness" developed into social anxiety which made things alot worse. Now all I have are a handful of platonic female friends who I call my "therapist" (because all I really do is vent to them and I prefer it that way, I guess Im like the "gay" friend except IM NOT GAY). I honestly think that I'm too overally sensitive and cynical to ever have a healthy relationship with another human being now.


2007 was such a long time ago.... ::

I kind of sorta went out on a date in late 2009, although I don't really consider it a date. A girl had invited me to see a movie her friend had made (he was a director) but It was more of a friendship type thing though.


I seriously feel like I'm wasting my youth now. Your 20s are suppose to be your best years, right?

::: sighs ::::

 

[DeathMetal]

Well first of all, I agree with you about having "friends on the side". I think that you should be faithful to each other in a relationship and nobody else.

Having said that, I have never worked up the courage to approach a woman, which means I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I am now 31 and don't see things turning around for me any time soon.

 

[spider04]

Woman mostly approach me, I cant remember the last time I did by myself

 

[redski]

See, this is a double standard if you ask me that females do.
I am hoping not intentionally.

I assume all the time you the OP were keeping in touch with her and met
her she never once mentioned she had a boyfriend. Of course you could
have asked her.

Makes me think, a random guy steps up to women, tries to make some
conversation and then asks her for a number.
Do women not think that the guy is more interested in getting to know
her and see what it leads to more then just being her friend?

This has happened to me once, although I did try (I believe) to show
her that I was more interested in a potential relationship.

If you have SA/SP I think things like this have a greater impact on you.

 

[Tempus35]

I seriously feel like I'm wasting my youth now. Your 20s are suppose to be your best years, right?

::: sighs ::::

I feel that way all the time, I am 24 now, never have had a girlfriend, let alone done many of the other things other people my age have. Like travel far etc. I am still fighting my issues and I have made progress but it is really slow, something that society isn't allowing me to do. But yes I understand the feeling of wasting life, not the girls though, I developed SP when I was 12 before girls fully came into the picture, so yea.

 

[Spike Lee]

I feel that way all the time, I am 24 now, never have had a girlfriend, let alone done many of the other things other people my age have. Like travel far etc. I am still fighting my issues and I have made progress but it is really slow, something that society isn't allowing me to do. But yes I understand the feeling of wasting life, not the girls though, I developed SP when I was 12 before girls fully came into the picture, so yea.

same age.


If human beings lived a bit longer I would probably feel a bit more comfortable about my situation though, I just feel like I'm wasting time.


It's gotten so bad that I'm at the point where the few friends I do have would call me and I just wouldn't pick up and then I'd just text them back 99% of the time.


texting is a lot easier for me than talking to someone face to face or over the phone. I just freeze up over the phone/or in person.

 

[phil91]

lol, this thread made me realise I've never actually approached a female. It's always been them talking to me first (and even then, it's because we're both really drunk). I wouldn't know what to say to initiate a conversation anyway, even if I had the confidence to go upto someone.

 

[lurknomore]

I guess I'm the first female to weigh in... but my answer is never. Women do seem to have it a little bit easier, because it's long been expected that the men do the approaching/pursuing, although I think that's slowly changing in today's society. That being said, I don't think I've had that much advantage- I'm 31 and have only been pursued by 3 guys ever... all of which I wasn't that interested in, and only had a relationship with one of them. I guess I need to screw up the courage to approach them, or figure out how to make myself more approachable... I'm clueless.

 

[userremoved]

It was seven years ago since I last asked a woman out in person. Yeah thats pretty bad isn't it? The only reason I even did that was because I had gotten a few drinks in me. Regardless I was too deep in the "friend zone" so I got shot down. Boy was my face red the next day.::

 

[Da Kid]

I really don't remember ::, which is kinda sad. I am gunna go searching for jobs in the mall sometime in the next week though, so who knows Maybe I'll give it a try.

 

[Septor]

Never as far as I kind remember,talking to women put me out of balance ,so to say.There goes my love life.I cant seeing that changing any time soon.

 

[Newtype]

You mean like approaching a girl because you're interested in her and you'd like to go out with her? Never.

 

[philly2bits]

If you mean approaching a woman for the sole reason of asking her out, then never. As for going up to them just for conversation, I have not done that in a few years. I have no problem with women specifically though. I rarely start conversations with anyone for any reason.

 

[mrb]

i can chat up a woman on a good day but i dont think im very good at it

 

[future marine214]

For me it was 2007, outside of one of my classes. I normally didn't approach women due to my extreme shyness but when you're surrounded by your "boys" and they're all watching you then you're forced to do something or else they'll label you gay or what not, I don't think I have ever approached a female while I was by myself. (not that there is anything wrong with being gay...anyway back to the story) Now I have never had any type of "game" at all during my lifetime. My so called pick up likes were simple things like "How are you doing? What is your name? yadda yadda. do you have a number?" and they worked about 80% of the time. I only had 2 real girlfriends in my lifetime due to my lack of social skills, but I had dozens of women's phone numbers.(I was actually 17 yrs old getting 30 yr old women home numbers, a faaaar cry from what I am now lol) Obtaining numbers and meeting people was no problem for me, it's just that everything else that comes after that was.

Anyway, so I got this young lady's number, we talk on the phone about class and other things a few times, then about 2 weeks later she sends me a text saying "BRB my boyfriend is here". I see her outside of class the next day and she's like "yeah, sorry about that last night, my boyfriend decided to come over at the last minute"...I reply "You have a boyfriend and yet you're still giving guys your number?" like a confused idiot. She goes...."Yes, if he can have friends on the side then why can't I?". I just looked at her like she was crazy and walked to class.


Needless to say I stopped talking to her after that.....she was gorgeous though...

but yeah, i kinda' gave up after that, and soon after my regular "shyness" developed into social anxiety which made things alot worse. Now all I have are a handful of platonic female friends who I call my "therapist" (because all I really do is vent to them and I prefer it that way, I guess Im like the "gay" friend except IM NOT GAY). I honestly think that I'm too overally sensitive and cynical to ever have a healthy relationship with another human being now.


2007 was such a long time ago.... ::

I kind of sorta went out on a date in late 2009, although I don't really consider it a date. A girl had invited me to see a movie her friend had made (he was a director) but It was more of a friendship type thing though.


I seriously feel like I'm wasting my youth now. Your 20s are suppose to be your best years, right?

::: sighs ::::

Have you ever pursued treatment for your anxiety? Im just curious, because i can relate to your experiences, but im only 18. Truthfully, i dont wanna be like this forever but these strange anxious feelings feel so permanant.

 

[Why]

couple days ago in art class


however ive never "cold approached" a stranger before (like on the street) it seems impossible to me

 

[Spike Lee]

Have you ever pursued treatment for your anxiety? Im just curious, because i can relate to your experiences, but im only 18. Truthfully, i dont wanna be like this forever but these strange anxious feelings feel so permanant.

I haven't been on any kind of meds for anxiety or depression since I was 16 (24 now)

I heard anti depressants cause weight gain though, so I prefer to stay away from that. I'm not aware of any of the anxiety medicine side effects, if you know any please drop some info for me.

I've only been flat out anti social going on 2-3 yrs, it's definitely a learned helplessness, you have to literally train your mind to get out of it, and it's extremely hard. Try to get rid of it while its early, don't feed it fire.

 

[future marine214]

Thanks Spike Lee, your advice is as good as your movies. superb.

 

[Emily_G]

A few weeks ago I asked a tall male grocery store worker to reach something on the top shelf I couldn't reach

I think I've approached guys back in high school sometimes....but was always turned down, so I stopped. ::

 

[Spike Lee]

no problem, now lets boycott Sals