When I'm down.. (Not for the squeamish)

PugofCrydee · 2017-03-19T07:13:04+00:00

................ Sometimes I get so down... that damn black dog just appears out of nowhere and starts following me. I've tried to just kick it in the guts but when it's there... it's there. Wallowing in it.. getting down on my knees and absorbing it seems to sometimes make it over and done with...

Started by PugofCrydee · Mar 19, 2017 · 1,370 replies

Miserum Feb 15, 2019 at 10:14 PM #561

PugofCrydee said: ↑
Ooohhhhhhh...... of course!! 😂

Haha. You got it man.

PugofCrydee Feb 15, 2019 at 10:23 PM #562

This is really cool.

PugofCrydee Feb 15, 2019 at 10:58 PM #563

/sigh... damnit.. wtf is wrong with me.. I find it so hard to feel like this and have to cope. I grow tired of this.

Miserum Feb 15, 2019 at 11:03 PM #564

PugofCrydee said: ↑
/sigh... damnit.. wtf is wrong with me.. I find it so hard to feel like this and have to cope. I grow tired of this.

What do you mean?

PugofCrydee Feb 15, 2019 at 11:10 PM #565

Miserum said: ↑
What do you mean?

I try to better myself.. I follow advice from professionals and forums, I put in 100%.. I'm keeping my mind busy.. I'm looking forward.. I meditate, I'm learning a new language, I exercise every day, I eat well 6 out of 7 days.. I watch inspirational videos and I try to live them.. but my heart aches and it won't stop. I don't really know how I describe it better. My heart just feels like it's dying. My emotional heart.. my chest actually hurts with emotional pain every day. I smile at others when they talk to me but inside I'm dying.
Sorry for this 🙁

Miserum Feb 15, 2019 at 11:24 PM #566

PugofCrydee said: ↑
I try to better myself.. I follow advice from professionals and forums, I put in 100%.. I'm keeping my mind busy.. I'm looking forward.. I meditate, I'm learning a new language, I exercise every day, I eat well 6 out of 7 days.. I watch inspirational videos and I try to live them.. but my heart aches and it won't stop. I don't really know how I describe it better. My heart just feels like it's dying. My emotional heart.. my chest actually hurts with emotional pain every day. I smile at others when they talk to me but inside I'm dying.
Sorry for this 🙁

Sounds to me like you've just hit a rough patch. I'm not really sure what to tell you since I have no answers myself. Though I do remember a post you made where you told me you were okay with who you are. You are no longer trying to shape yourself to fit others' expectations (thread here: https://socialphobiaworld.com/threads/healthy-unhealthy-ways-of-coping.65895/#post-878089). You also mentioned times where you have slip-ups in that very same thread. I think this is probably one of those slip-ups.

Another thought has occurred to me, and I'm probably just projecting... but perhaps that heartache you feel is a longing for belonging? Maybe you're tired of being the odd man out, the square peg in a world full of round holes, even if you are completely OK with yourself. You might be feeling alienated. We are a social, communal species, and being on the outside can be draining.

But once again, I maintain that perhaps this is just a rough patch.

PugofCrydee Feb 15, 2019 at 11:27 PM #567

Miserum said: ↑
Sounds to me like you've just hit a rough patch. I'm not really sure what to tell you since I have no answers myself. Though I do remember a post you made where you told me you were okay with who you are. You are no longer trying to shape yourself to fit others' expectations (thread here: https://socialphobiaworld.com/threads/healthy-unhealthy-ways-of-coping.65895/#post-878089). You also mentioned times where you have slip-ups in that very same thread. I think this is probably one of those slip-ups.

Another thought has occurred to me, and I'm probably just projecting... but perhaps that heartache you feel is a longing for belonging? Maybe you're tired of being the odd man out, the square peg in a world full of round holes, even if you are completely OK with yourself. You might be feeling alienated. We are a social, communal species, and being on the outside can be draining.

But once again, I maintain that perhaps this is just a rough patch.

Thanks mate. You have given me food for thought.

Miserum Feb 15, 2019 at 11:44 PM #568