When I'm down.. (Not for the squeamish)

PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
/sigh... damnit.. wtf is wrong with me.. I find it so hard to feel like this and have to cope. I grow tired of this.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Miserum said:
What do you mean?
Click to expand...
I try to better myself.. I follow advice from professionals and forums, I put in 100%.. I'm keeping my mind busy.. I'm looking forward.. I meditate, I'm learning a new language, I exercise every day, I eat well 6 out of 7 days.. I watch inspirational videos and I try to live them.. but my heart aches and it won't stop. I don't really know how I describe it better. My heart just feels like it's dying. My emotional heart.. my chest actually hurts with emotional pain every day. I smile at others when they talk to me but inside I'm dying.
Sorry for this :(
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
PugofCrydee said:
I try to better myself.. I follow advice from professionals and forums, I put in 100%.. I'm keeping my mind busy.. I'm looking forward.. I meditate, I'm learning a new language, I exercise every day, I eat well 6 out of 7 days.. I watch inspirational videos and I try to live them.. but my heart aches and it won't stop. I don't really know how I describe it better. My heart just feels like it's dying. My emotional heart.. my chest actually hurts with emotional pain every day. I smile at others when they talk to me but inside I'm dying.
Sorry for this :(
Click to expand...

Sounds to me like you've just hit a rough patch. I'm not really sure what to tell you since I have no answers myself. Though I do remember a post you made where you told me you were okay with who you are. You are no longer trying to shape yourself to fit others' expectations (thread here: https://socialphobiaworld.com/threads/healthy-unhealthy-ways-of-coping.65895/#post-878089). You also mentioned times where you have slip-ups in that very same thread. I think this is probably one of those slip-ups.

Another thought has occurred to me, and I'm probably just projecting... but perhaps that heartache you feel is a longing for belonging? Maybe you're tired of being the odd man out, the square peg in a world full of round holes, even if you are completely OK with yourself. You might be feeling alienated. We are a social, communal species, and being on the outside can be draining.

But once again, I maintain that perhaps this is just a rough patch.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Miserum said:
Sounds to me like you've just hit a rough patch. I'm not really sure what to tell you since I have no answers myself. Though I do remember a post you made where you told me you were okay with who you are. You are no longer trying to shape yourself to fit others' expectations (thread here: https://socialphobiaworld.com/threads/healthy-unhealthy-ways-of-coping.65895/#post-878089). You also mentioned times where you have slip-ups in that very same thread. I think this is probably one of those slip-ups.

Another thought has occurred to me, and I'm probably just projecting... but perhaps that heartache you feel is a longing for belonging? Maybe you're tired of being the odd man out, the square peg in a world full of round holes, even if you are completely OK with yourself. You might be feeling alienated. We are a social, communal species, and being on the outside can be draining.

But once again, I maintain that perhaps this is just a rough patch.
Click to expand...
Thanks mate. You have given me food for thought.
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
PugofCrydee said:
Thanks mate. You have given me food for thought.
Click to expand...
Sure, I try. It's time for me to take a trip to dreamland. Sorry you're feeling down.

Til next time friend.
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I'm frightened of myself during these times.

It's like there's an alternate me and I fking hate him. I make myself hurt to purge him from me.
 
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