What's wrong w/me?

[cowboyup]

I'm relatively new here, so here's a bit of background before I go too far.
I'm a female in my 40's and have SA as well as panic attacks for about 15 years. I live in Las Vegas so that in itself is over-stimulating (yup go ahead and laugh, I did!) I don't venture out much and have withdrew from friends since I lost my job in 2008 ...

So, here goes! I have known this guy (he's 30) since 2006 and we had great fun together but the past year has been extremely rough because I have been feeling envious of this guy (and I thought I was over this way back in Jr. high??)
Every time I have gotten up the courage to see him, it turns into him bragging about his latest photos he has taken at various events around town, or his latest posts on facebook, or more recently, what he did on Halloween. I feel he kind of rubs it in because he knows that I don't have a job right now (I'm a live in nanny and only get very little $ per month) and I am going back to college to finish my degree, but he will text me asking how I am, hope I have a fun weekend, etc...I just reply with good, hope you are too type thing and now I don't even go into that because I don't like to be around him anymore in "fear" of what he will say he has done, where he has gone, and I don't dare go on facebook because I know he has tons of girls who are close friends and of course that makes me envious because they are pretty, way younger than me, etc. and he is a big flirt on top of being a highly intelligent person.
My question is, why then, am I sitting here(all day in my room) thinking about him, what he is doing, where he is -or has gone this weekend or why I haven't heard from him? This is completely stupid on my part - it is NOT like we are actually dating because he has gotten very frustrated with me as i am notorious for making excuses for not going places, etc.
I hate feeling like this-like I am back in grade school! I feel like such a neurotic child right now! Any suggestions-please!

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Silatuyok]

I think you are sitting around thinking about him a lot because he pays attention to you. And, for those of us with SA, this is dangerous territory because we can become infatuated with anyone who talks to us or shows any kind of interest in us. From what you've described of him it doesn't sound like he is boyfriend material for you, so maybe trying to move on to someone else would be helpful? I know that's easier said than done, but I bet if you had a new flame you would forget about him in an instant.

Welcome, btw.

 

[BlueDays]

Hello and welcome to the site.
You mentioned that.... "I feel he kind of rubs it in because he knows that I don't have a job right now..." Are you really sure you want to pursue a friendship with this guy if he has behaved without compassion towards your situation? And why torment yourself looking on Facebook to see he is flirting with the many other girl friends you say he has?
I agree with Absolutely Sweet Marie, you may be better off finding someone else who is more suited to you.

 

[cowboyup]

Thanks for the nice welcome, everyone

BlueDays: I stopped facebook altogether because I was obsessing far too much. I feel really dumb even typing that.

Both Blue Days and Absolute Sweet Marie: Yup, you both have good points, I really don't need someone around who is like that. Even worse, in my opinion, for someone who has SA.

It's easy to just to be cathartic here because everyone can relate in ways most 'other people' can't comprehend. I have had people tell me to 'relax' 'don't stress too much' 'don't worry' and then blow it off like you are just trying to get attention when that is SO NOT the case! I am glad I found this site

Thanks to all!

 

[Ms Cloud]

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[Rembrandt Broam]

Hi cowboyup, and welcome to SPW!

From the way you've described this guy, he sounds like he has a very magnetic personality. People tend to be drawn to individuals like that, even when some of their traits (the bragging and so on) aren't particularly nice. People are willing to overlook that because, overall, they enjoy being around people with that kind of attractive personality. For those of us with SA I think it can be even worse, because people like him are the exact opposite of us, and for many of us the personality traits they possess are ones that we wish we had - confidence, an easygoing manner with others, etc.

You don't say how many other close friends you have besides this guy, but if it's not many then I can see how he would become someone who you think about a lot. If that's the case, perhaps if you could try to widen your circle of friends, so that he's not as important in your life? I know that's easier said than done for someone with SA, but I think the only way to stop yourself focusing so much on him is to give your mind other people or things to think about.