What's the worst things people have noticed about you?

[sullyS25]

Nowadays i'm not really THAT negative (like used to be) about myself, but neither really am i positive.

Well that's growth! Im not asking for a complete 180. All im saying is there are so many negative threads on here and it would be nice to balance it out and also recognize the positive things.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes - but the thing is, that considering that this is a forum about depression/anxiety/mental health and a place where people congregate because they feel like they dont fit in anywhere, then it is pretty natural that this forum would lean more towards negativity and despondency where people are hurting. It's hard to see the positive when people dont feel positive.

 

[sullyS25]

Yes - but the thing is, that considering that this is a forum about depression/anxiety/mental health and a place where people congregate because they feel like they dont fit in anywhere, then it is pretty natural that this forum would lean more towards negativity and despondency where people are hurting. It's hard to see the positive when people dont feel positive.

Well I see this forum as a place to learn how to grow instead of being stuck in the same habits for years. People complain and complain and complain and when someone suggests a different way of viewing things they bite his head off. Maybe some people are just addicted to complaining and feeling inferior. I know I was. It was an unconscious thing but whenever someone suggests a different way of looking at things, it is set aside because it doesnt fall in line with what the masses on this site feel.

I personally am sick of the constant struggle and my old ways of viewing things so I open my mind to viewing the world from a different perspective as opposed to playing the helpless victim.

 

[bcsr]

Well I see this forum as a place to learn how to grow instead of being stuck in the same habits for years. People complain and complain and complain and when someone suggests a different way of viewing things they bite his head off. Maybe some people are just addicted to complaining and feeling inferior. I know I was. It was an unconscious thing but whenever someone suggests a different way of looking at things, it is set aside because it doesnt fall in line with what the masses on this site feel.

I personally am sick of the constant struggle and my old ways of viewing things so I open my mind to viewing the world from a different perspective as opposed to playing the helpless victim.

Extremely well said. If your current actions and thoughts have made you unhappy and depressed, change them. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is not a good idea.

 

[KiaKaha]

Well I see this forum as a place to learn how to grow instead of being stuck in the same habits for years. People complain and complain and complain and when someone suggests a different way of viewing things they bite his head off. Maybe some people are just addicted to complaining and feeling inferior. I know I was. It was an unconscious thing but whenever someone suggests a different way of looking at things, it is set aside because it doesnt fall in line with what the masses on this site feel.

I personally am sick of the constant struggle and my old ways of viewing things so I open my mind to viewing the world from a different perspective as opposed to playing the helpless victim.

Yes but feeling frustrated that other people are unable to see things from a different point of view, when you can - is a little unfair. The majority of people who come here are in varying degrees of pain, allowing them to express themselves in a negative light is cathartic - especially if that is the way that they do feel - albeit frustrating to read over and over again. If someone wants to make a thread of 'whats the worst thing people have noticed about you' and berating them about it is counter productive and telling them otherwise is likened to telling them to get over it - merely invalidating the way that they feel. Don't get me wrong because I understand how frustrating and counter productive it is to focus too much on negativity - but a lot of people simply can't change very easily - if what they have experienced is all they have known. I believe accommodation for feelings and attitudes is needed for people here.

 

[dean01]

im glad people can come on these sites and talk openly about these issues as some people live in silence about there thoughts on themselves, that are picked up from comments made by others. most of my beliefs were picked up from my father who said i ran funny and called me twinkle toes etc. my hatred of my apperence has run so deep i have to wear long sleeves to cover my arms as i show as little skin as possible so as to hide myself from others. even the thought of taking my top off in front of someone makes me cringe.

 

[sullyS25]

Yes but feeling frustrated that other people are unable to see things from a different point of view, when you can - is a little unfair. The majority of people who come here are in varying degrees of pain, allowing them to express themselves in a negative light is cathartic - especially if that is the way that they do feel - albeit frustrating to read over and over again. If someone wants to make a thread of 'whats the worst thing people have noticed about you' and berating them about it is counter productive and telling them otherwise is likened to telling them to get over it - merely invalidating the way that they feel. Don't get me wrong because I understand how frustrating and counter productive it is to focus too much on negativity - but a lot of people simply can't change very easily - if what they have experienced is all they have known. I believe accommodation for feelings and attitudes is needed for people here.

Well if I put of the vibe like I was encouraging people not to share then that wasn't my intention. I will however, show them the other side of the coin. I refuse to validate their feelings and coddle them. That cripples them and keeps them where they are and god knows enough people on this site do that. I have just as much of a right to show them why their perception may be skewed as they do to post their negative feelings. Im not invalidating the feelings, I am offering a different perspective. I feel what I said wasnt berating anyone and I certainly didnt tell anyone to get over it. I offered another way of viewing the situation.

 

[KiaKaha]

I think there is a fine line between coddling and invalidating ones feelings. Absolutely there is dis-empowerment by indulging in ones negativity, I certainly dont disagree with you there. However, I have always felt that if people here express themselves by creating threads such as these, then they do so for a reason - by normalizing and and expressing any negative emotion or beliefs they have about themselves allows people perhaps identify and feel that they what they are feeling is OK. If people don't want to see a different perspective - then they do so, because they cant. or most likely - the are not ready to. Patience is more paramount than frustration - considering that this forum is from all walks of life, with all different kinds of suffering, no one is fully going to completely understand what another person is feeling or going through.

 

[sullyS25]

I think there is a fine line between coddling and invalidating ones feelings. Absolutely there is dis-empowerment by indulging in ones negativity, I certainly dont disagree with you there. However, I have always felt that if people here express themselves by creating threads such as these, then they do so for a reason - by normalizing and and expressing any negative emotion or beliefs they have about themselves allows people perhaps identify and feel that they what they are feeling is OK. If people don't want to see a different perspective - then they do so, because they cant. or most likely - the are not ready to. Patience is more paramount than frustration - considering that this forum is from all walks of life, with all different kinds of suffering, no one is fully going to completely understand what another person is feeling or going through.

Good point. Thank you for showing me your perspective.

 

[vj288]

Yes but feeling frustrated that other people are unable to see things from a different point of view, when you can - is a little unfair. The majority of people who come here are in varying degrees of pain, allowing them to express themselves in a negative light is cathartic - especially if that is the way that they do feel - albeit frustrating to read over and over again. If someone wants to make a thread of 'whats the worst thing people have noticed about you' and berating them about it is counter productive and telling them otherwise is likened to telling them to get over it - merely invalidating the way that they feel. Don't get me wrong because I understand how frustrating and counter productive it is to focus too much on negativity - but a lot of people simply can't change very easily - if what they have experienced is all they have known. I believe accommodation for feelings and attitudes is needed for people here.

There is a misconception about catharsis, that it works, because studies have overwhelmingly shown that not only does it not work but it perpetuates the feeling. For example, if you are feeling angry and aggressive, then go punch a punching bag, you may "feel better," but it doesn't make you less angry or aggressive, it's not like the punching bag took away your feelings and you "got them out." All it does is make you more angry more quickly next time, so despite the temporary fix in the long run it actually makes things worse.

I don't know if the same goes for negativity as well, but it would make sense that it would. That "better" feeling that results from "getting it out" as well as the attention and feeling you belong in a forum is positive reinforcement if I've ever seen it. The thing is you can't get that better feeling without first feeling worse and having something to be negative about. I'm not saying this applies to everyone (or anyone), and on the contrary talking out your feelings and frustrations can sometimes be very beneficial. This could be the case sometimes for some people though, and when it is it's no good.