Whats the best way to communicate without being a nag?

[CrazyGirl]

My friend ask me if we want to do something together. Of course I say yeah. Well, the day comes and I text him confirming if we were going to go out and do something. A few hours later go by, he hadn't text me back so I text him again asking if everything was alright. He texts back with a lame excuse that we wouldn't be able to do something but tells me the next evening we will do something together.

Next evening rolls around. I text him confirming to see if we were still going to do something. I don't hear back from him so I send out a couple texts within a few hours before hearing from him. The last text I sent him I told him how I felt when we make plans then he backs out. Thats when I heard from him and he tells me to come over in an hour. I get there, he isn't there yet so I text again, stalls b4 texting back telling me he's a few minutes late. Again, with excuses and who knows what to believe. He arrives where I'm at. He asks me why I was crying. I told that I wanted to be with him.

I understand he works full-time and his life is much more busier than mine. The worst part of it all is he is about the only one who calls me outside of my family to do anything with me. And he knows it too. I have tried meeting other men but no luck so far in that dept.

I know some of you will say drop him but honestly, just being with him takes a little bit of that pain of loneliness away.

This male friend that I hang out with, we are just friends, nothing more. I don't desire to be his girlfriend.

 

[MikeyC]

He sounds really flaky. He might be busy but he's telling you to meet at certain times and then reneges. He's got a hold over you and he knows it.

I have more than enough flaky friends. One of them I have been trying to get to do lunch with for over a week and she just refuses to get back to me. Flat out refuses. She told me she'd text me on Wednesday regarding her work roster. It's now Friday afternoon and I have got nothing. Another friend keeps saying "we should do lunch," but never does. Another friend only texts me when he wants to vent these days but never really makes an effort to ask me to do things (and before you ask, I have made the effort).

My point is, if you surround yourself with people who don't follow through with plans, you're setting yourself up for disappointment, like what I feel. It's not good for your mental health to always feel like a plan B.

If you're keen to keep this guy around, tell him that your friendship with him is very important to you and you don't like being led on and then let down by him not coming good on social promises. If he's a decent human he will understand and try to rectify that in the future.

 

[Boby]

What Mikey said ...ohhh...and why don't you guys just call?CALL not text...to be honest I hate texting because I never know if that person got my message also that person will find it harder to avoid/delay a phone call rather then a text.

 

[MikeyC]

why don't you guys just call?

This is obviously a better solution but personally I hate calling because I feel like I'm going to be a bother. Also phone anxiety.

 

[Boby]

This is obviously a better solution but personally I hate calling because I feel like I'm going to be a bother. Also phone anxiety.

One call will not hurt and can do the work of 10 text's but yeah phone anxiety is one of the reasons not to call,I had phone anxiety too and still have it in some situations and with some persons,but I still think calling is a better way of communicating.

 

[MikeyC]

One call will not hurt and can do the work of 10 text's but yeah phone anxiety is one of the reasons not to call,I had phone anxiety too and still have it in some situations and with some persons,but I still think calling is a better way of communicating.

You're right that calling is a lot more efficient, but I still prefer to text and for people to text me.

 

[Hoppy]

Some relationship advice from someone who is unable to have one:

You talk about the pain of loneliness, but sooner or later you have to decide what is worse, the loneliness or the rejection. I know you do have contact, but playing texting ping-pong isn't a good way to create trust or intimacy.

You must decide if you will tolerate such behaviour from him, and what you will do if he keeps on mistreating you.

 

[CrazyGirl]

When were were last together, he discussed an issue he had with me. Nothing to do with my social anxiety/social phobia. Maybe it had to do something with that.

Then after I left, the next morning, he sent me a text telling me to have a good day. I think he knew he made me upset.

 

[Gaucho]

What Mikey said ...ohhh...and why don't you guys just call?CALL not text...to be honest I hate texting because I never know if that person got my message also that person will find it harder to avoid/delay a phone call rather then a text.

ohh boy, i have phone anxiety, worst thing ever