What personality do your parents have?

[recluse]

What kind of personality do your parents have? Do you think they are shy/social phobic?

My dad is quite moody and sometimes he's really distant, he's always been this way. He's not very loving to my mum and rarely shows her affection. He'll often walk in front of my mum as if they are not really together and he usually leaves the house for his work without kissing my mum goodbye.

My mum is very sensitive and cries very easily. I believe she has been suffering from depression all her life. She has accused my dad of having affairs as long as i can remember....She's a very suspicious person. She used to hit my sister all the time and she beat me up for getting drunk once.

My parents don't socialize, no friends coming around o'r anything. Don't get me wrong my parents are great and i love them to bits but i blame my problem on them; I feel that watching the way they behave has made me cynical and fearfull of close friendships and the such.

 

[nesh]

Hey Recluse

Unitl very recently I blamed myself, but since being back at my parents (mum and stepdads) I'm beginning to blame my parents too, they're the ones you learn the most from so if you are lacking certain life skills they're the ones to blame. I am angry at them but at the same time I can sympathize. I know their past and I know I've had it easier then they did and for that I am grateful, but it doesn't change the way I am. I'm beginning to see that I'm like this because of not having a voice when growing up, because I was shy. My brothers seemed to manage OK, they rebelled as teens and they would talk back to my parents which would create compromise, I didn't! I just swallowed it. My eldest brother didn't even want to compromise and moved out when he was 15/16. I've been letting other people control me, make decisions for me, etc, my whole life. I'm a push over, I have no personality, I'll say yes to anything you ask and get in a mood when I find myself in a situation I don't know how to get out of. I only just realized this in the past few weeks but the damage is done, I don't know how to change, I'm afraid of everyone.

 

[steviegerrard489]

What kind of personality do your parents have? Do you think they are shy/social phobic?

quote]

Dad - now 57 years old. When I was younger he was a lot moodier and doesn't keep in touch with his family or any friends from school. He does have some work mates and is friends with our neighbours.

Mother - very outgoing. Alcoholic. Doesn't understand why my brother and I don't have wives or girlfriends and why all her nephews/neices are married with kids.

I blame my parents quite a bit for my problems. When I was younger they never wanted to interact with me and were always telling me to shut up, go to bed, stop bothering them etc, while other peoples parents would take them to football matches, go swimming, play sports in the park... They just showed little interest.

I've learned to accept what happended and am on better terms with them now. They have never known me to have girlfriends. I would never tell them even if I was seeing someone! (I live 60 miles away)

Sometimes they get drunk after a meal and say...your cousin ... is having a second kid and your uncle.... was asking, "when is .... going to find someone?" So depressing...

The thing is, they don't know how difficult it is these days, not just for shy people. London is very bad for finding partners.

 

[nesh]

always telling me to shut up, go to bed, stop bothering them etc, while other peoples parents would take them to football matches, go swimming, play football in the park...

Same here, I was always made to feel unwanted.

 

[steviegerrard489]

always telling me to shut up, go to bed, stop bothering them etc, while other peoples parents would take them to football matches, go swimming, play football in the park...

Same here, I was always made to feel unwanted.

And I should also add that my brother is extremely shy. He's nearly 31 years old and lives with them. We do not speak and he's given me the silent treatment on and off for 14 years.

Basically he's very selfish, possessive of everything he owns and never goes out at all! Despite this he has a well paid job and over £100,000 in the bank!

When we were growing up we would have arguments, he would tell my parents and they would ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, take his side, even if he was totally out of order..

I found out recently that my mum thinks that because he had an ilness when he was 5 years old that this caused him to become introverted. She wanted to protect him by blaming me for everything!!! How out of order is that?

I grew up believing that if I spoke up about any injustice I would never win and there would be no point in doing so!

 

[deleteduser]

Hey guys, this is a good post i've always wondered whether what our parents are like is that important. My dad has had social phobia since he was a kid, but dealt with it by using alcohol, and therefore has been an alcoholic all his life. He is a very cold person, very distant and pessimistic but he is much more understanding than my mum. My mum is a very loud, outgoing person and her brain cannot comprehend mental illness in any way. She must have bipolar disorder because she is depressed one minute, and happy the next. She is very unpredictable and scares me sometimes with her craziness. She is an absolute control freak. She gets depressed and calls us all 'failures' and 'no marks.' I guess i could blame my parents but i don't, not really. I don't know how i became like this, but it doesn't really matter to me, i care more about how to not be like this.

I've been letting other people control me, make decisions for me, etc, my whole life. I'm a push over, I have no personality, I'll say yes to anything you ask and get in a mood when I find myself in a situation I don't know how to get out of.

That is me exactly.

 

[SocialRetahd]

Your social phobia is 99% your parents fault. Not because they have awful genes and gave you social phobia, but they were too lazy or carless to actually give you the skills to deal with it.

If they would have man'ed up to their responsibilities and read a fucking psychology book, you wouldn't have this problem. Nah, they were too busy with their own shit and would only help with the easy stuff.

Now, I gotta put this to rest and I'm risking an eternity of swimming in a lake of fire. I hope I don't prune up!!!

 

[steviegerrard489]

Your social phobia is 99% your parents fault. Not because they have awful genes and gave you social phobia, but they were too lazy or carless to actually give you the skills to deal with it.

If they would have man'ed up to their responsibilities and read a fucking psychology book, you wouldn't have this problem. Nah, they were too busy with their own shit and would only help with the easy stuff.

Now, I gotta put this to rest and I'm risking an eternity of swimming in a lake of fire. I hope I don't prune up!!!

Couldn't have put it better myself. The thing is, I would not make the mistake they made if I had kids! I'd enjoy being a dad and doing stuff with my kid - basically everything I missed out on!

However, natural selection or survival of the fittest - whatever you want to call it - has deemed that the family tree on my side of the family stops here...

 

[dottie]

always telling me to shut up, go to bed, stop bothering them etc, while other peoples parents would take them to football matches, go swimming, play football in the park...

Same here, I was always made to feel unwanted.

i was always something in the way. a burden to be rid of.

 

[Chriswinnipeg]

It's kind of weird. My parents are anything BUT shy. They smile when they talk, they are really talkative, they even use extreme hand gestures when talking. Both talk on the phone whole lot too. Maybe I'm shy because when I was young they did all the talking for me. My grandparents on the other hand are more like me, shy people.

 

[Reholla]

My mom has said shes shy, but to me shes very sociable and pretty outgoing, seeing as shes a professor and gives lectures all the time.
My dad gets nervous when he has to talk in front of people, but hes very sociable besides that.
My grand parents are pretty out going, my grandmother got class favorite in school.

I dont know if it has to do with our SA....it could but its definitely genetic.

 

[shon]

When I was younger they never wanted to interact with me and were always telling me to shut up, go to bed, stop bothering them etc, while other peoples parents would take them to football matches, go swimming, play sports in the park... They just showed little interest.

That's how my dad was with me and my brother. He just didn't want us around. Something about our existence annoyed him. One thing was that he had to be the center of attention at all times. He didn't think my mom should put us kids first and he usually made sure she didn't. He enjoyed giving us chores and constantly reminded us that we were "lazy, spoiled-ass kids". He didn't want us around unless he was having a good time making fun of us or getting us to do some kind of work. He acted like he was king of the house and we were there to put up with his crap.

My mom has the same problems as me. She was always shy and afraid of people. Being married to my dad pretty much ruined her. She never had self esteem and he made her feel not good enough, stupid and all those ugly words we call ourselves sometimes. She always tried really hard to please him but nothing worked. She lived with years of depression and suicide attempts. It took 29 yrs for her to finally leave him because he cheated on her. Then she realized HE was her biggest problem. They've been divorced 7 yrs. She has her struggles with SA but she lives alone with her dogs. They make her happy.

I see the way my in-laws brag on my husband and his sister. It makes me jealous. I imagine what it would've been like being raised by people who brag about every little thing you do and to feel that special!

 

[coriander1992]

My dad is extremely social! Everybody loves him, he attracts people naturally. He seeks out conversation with random people in shops and stuff like that.

My mum is social, but only in her set group of friends really. She quite happile initiatiates convo's with random people in shops etc. though.

Maybe i'm the milk mans child!? 8O :lol:

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Hi everone. As much as we would all love to blame this on famly the conclusion that is being formed doesnt add up.

In large family why do the kids turn out so different from each other. I mean usualy childrens have similar body structure but has anyone ever seen those girls the Olsen twins? Ashley is kind of shy and hates interviews while her sister who is idintical is very outgoing and extroverted.

Also most people get bullied in school yet 96 percent of graduate grow up to be strong healthy physicaly fit adults with agressive personality.

Its just a roll of the dice that we just happened to of developed anxiety.

 

[dottie]

That's how my dad was with me and my brother. He just didn't want us around. Something about our existence annoyed him. One thing was that he had to be the center of attention at all times. He didn't think my mom should put us kids first and he usually made sure she didn't. He enjoyed giving us chores and constantly reminded us that we were "lazy, spoiled-ass kids". He didn't want us around unless he was having a good time making fun of us or getting us to do some kind of work. He acted like he was king of the house and we were there to put up with his crap.

sounds familliar.

I see the way my in-laws brag on my husband and his sister. It makes me jealous. I imagine what it would've been like being raised by people who brag about every little thing you do and to feel that special!

i envy people raised in families like that, too. their confidence must be so much better.

 

[Joey86]

My mum is fairly social. My dad is fairly private, and gets bossed around by my mum a lot lol.

 

[Septor]

Personality wise,my parents were as far apart as two people can be.

My father was charming and very outgoing, to the point of being narcissistic.He was always the person with dozens and dozens of friends.The life of the party,you could say.

My mother on the other hand was very reclusive.She didn't even interact with other family members.I remember when I was little,I would always be chasing her around trying to get her to talk to me, almost never worked though.I'm not sure if she was recluse because of some underlining anxiety or she just didn't care to be around other people.This was when I was little so I'm not sure how accurate this is but I always thought that she just didn't care about socializing with other people.

I think genetic does play a part in this, in the sense that a person would be more predispose to SA then another person would be.Then the rest has to do with the chain of events that happen in someone's life.Depending on the events it can push someone either way

 

[recluse]

Hi everone. As much as we would all love to blame this on famly the conclusion that is being formed doesnt add up.

In large family why do the kids turn out so different from each other. I mean usualy childrens have similar body structure but has anyone ever seen those girls the Olsen twins? Ashley is kind of shy and hates interviews while her sister who is idintical is very outgoing and extroverted.

Also most people get bullied in school yet 96 percent of graduate grow up to be strong healthy physicaly fit adults with agressive personality.

Its just a roll of the dice that we just happened to of developed anxiety.

My sister who is 3 years older than me is too friendly and open with people, so people walk over her including this guy she's divorcing now, whereas i don't let anyone get close too me and remain aloof. Despite this difference my sister has low self esteem too.

 

[shynobody2]

..

 

[Generical]

Ive always wondered whether my parents had anything to do with it too.

My dad does have a short temper but i know he's generally a nice person. He seems fairly outgoing can talk to anyone and make conversations outta nothing, but this wasnt always the case. He used to stutter very badly, which must of been as demoralising as SA at times but he managed to shrug it off and get over it. This is what im aiming to do and i think im fairly extrovert underneath.......

I see symptoms of SA in my mum, she has great trouble speaking in front of people, blushes or used to blush a lot and absolutely hates driving (that could be from something else tho). She is very kind and loving etc. and if she ever swears anyone that knows her would be stunned lol. My parents dont do much and dont have many friends and where pretty old when i was born dad was 40, mum was around 35 so they may have settled down more and stopped going out so much.......i dunno

My sister (whos older, im youngest) seems to be similar to me but she got over it rather than letting it get to her, but im pretty sure she isnt as shy as ive had trouble with going out for as long as i can remember.............my brothers arent affected at all.

But in most cases you can never really tell whether its genetical, when growing up or a bit of both.....