I don't know much about you, so I am just guessing, can you relate with Asperger's Syndrome? Those people sometimes experience a lack of emotion, and sometimes not much of a desire for social contacts.
I'm not sure about Asperger's and don't really relate to it. When I was younger I would have fit the bill very nicely, but if those traits have faded or are fading then they're not innate and I doubt it would be Asperger's. My older brother is a lot like me (at least on the surface) except he hasn't managed to make friendships, possibly because he tries to pretend he doesn't have the handicap (eyesight) he does because he's too proud. My second, even older brother is similar but nowhere near as severe as us.
I have a lot of desire for social contact, just on a broader scale (more communities/acquaintances; handful of close friendships). I've made great improvements when it comes to relaxing in crowds, conversing with people, and body language, although I am still somewhat poor at
reading it. A toxic home environment probably stunted me in a lot of ways.
I don't have any problems with empathy even though I was a late bloomer with it, as my friends feel loved and understood despite everything. I'm callous some days because I think people tend to languish in their emotions sometimes while I've struggled so hard to get fear, anger, and insecurity under control in order to gain control over my life, and am not in the mood for being courteous and subtle. I usually place a lot of value on not stepping on people's toes unless I feel someone is being picked on or harmful misinformation is being spread or encouraged, and am at least moderately aware of whether something is rude or not (factoring in various levels of sensitivity and truth vs tact values).
I had narrow and intense interests as a child and rarely sought out interaction, but I don't think I suffered with reciprocity more than the average child who was more interested in books. I shared my toys and showed the few friends I had cool stuff I found, but I wasn't really good at understanding them emotionally or supporting them.
I've met several people with Asperger's and, except for one, didn't relate to them very well. I was very good at understanding them, though, and a teacher once asked me to explain something to one of them that she couldn't get across. Seemed a simple enough miscommunication.
