What is your SA rooted in?

[CrzyDrmr]

I know there are many different reasons people develop SA, and I'd like to hear some and compare. Mine, undoubtedly, is the result of some very low self-esteem. I always feel like I'm being gawked at in public, as if everyone around me knows every last intimate detail about me and my life...just judging the daylights out of me all the while.

But I suppose it's my own fault at the same time. Maybe if I had made better choices in life I'd feel better about myself in return, thus never giving SA the chance to thrive? All I know is I feel very inferior around pretty much everyone, and for different reasons. To best describe it, I feel like an unaccomplished, speck of dust 10 year old in a room with a bunch of 30-40 year old adults. Not very good...

 

[MrTimid&Shy]

well it all began with my selective mutism as a child, which is almost self explanatory of my SA, but I too deal with low self esteem and confidence issues. I feel incompetent all the time and that I am not mature enough for my age

 

[CaptainDaveBeard]

i suspect mine comes from having a very bad stutter as a kid which killed my self esteem and confiidence.I was supposed to have speech therapy but i refused to go (avoidenance lol) obviously it proberbly would have helped me cope.

 

[mikebird]

I like all your comments!

At age 4, I was at a birthday party. I cried when I got there - couldn't cope. If my mum made the right decision to leave me there with all those strangers, I would have coped, fundamentally, naturally overcoming a terrifying situation.

Clinging onto a mum is no good, and a mum willing to look after someone and take them home is not good enough. My instant but temporary fix solved my problem at the moment. It ain't solved now.

I think that's my root.

 

[Luka]

I've always been painfully shy which later on in the years, when I had to face other social situations i.e. school, I suffered very much and it beat my confidence so much that I had developed SA.

 

[goldatom]

Mine just popped up one day when I was going to senior high-school. But maybe it has to do with my always being mocked for being fat in junior-high.

 

[Danfalc]

Lack of self esteem, placing more importance on peoples opinion of me than my own opinion of myself, but I can't mind read so I end up dwelling on my own negative thoughts.

I think it all stems from the physical/mental abuse I suffered at home, being told your worthless and wrong all the time as a kid is so damaging when it comes from the one person you look up to like your Dad.

 

[Vampayah88]

I think mine just came randomly during highschool. Never had people to hang out with outside of school, always felt like I didnt belong anywhere. Not to mention the feeling of not knowing what to say when in social situations.

 

[bangdrum]

Birth. I was the screaming baby who never shut up and could never ever be comforted, and I refused to play with other kids from when I could first walk. Once school started, I had selective mutism. I was only ever bullied in (of all places) kindergarten - a mean tomboy named Ronnie, who I hated, was sent to the bathroom with me, and she pulled open the stall door while I had my pants down and laughed.

 

[mikebird]

Birth. I was the screaming baby who never shut up and could never ever be comforted, and I refused to play with other kids from when I could first walk. Once school started, I had selective mutism. I was only ever bullied in (of all places) kindergarten - a mean tomboy named Ronnie, who I hated, was sent to the bathroom with me, and she pulled open the stall door while I had my pants down and laughed.

I'm interested in your selective mutism. Maybe an inability to say things, even if you want to?

I've been told by various psychologists that I had selective memory and selective hearing. This was all subjective and vague opinion, but I've made some sense of it. My memory has suffered, and never 100% repaired after various epileptic seizures. I spent months unable to remember basic vocabulary, frustrated for a few minutes, knowing I will remember the word, if I keep trying.

My ears are fine (diagnosed fine), but I think I might have a subtle ignorance of what's said, without the 'fingers in ears' attitude. The mind reacts strangely to input, filtering on what's said - not listening, even if I want to - eg. in a meeting, a loud bar with people talking to me, or at a party - a reaction like a panic attack.

Perhaps epilepsy was my root, or my SA caused my epilepsy...

 

[bangdrum]

From what I remember of it (I've erased most of my memory from before about age 12), I would just freeze and not say anything at all if I was called on in class, even though I had known (and knew afterwards) the answer to the question. According to my mom, I did this when I was little and given an IQ test or something, where the tester showed me a picture of a woman. My mom asked me why I didn't answer and I said I wasn't sure what the right answer was, since it could have been a woman, or a lady, or a girl, or a mommy, or a sister... and I didn't want to be wrong.

I'm pretty sure selective mutism is literally not being able to talk (due to fear) versus not knowing what to say. Don't know much about epilepsy.

 

[coyote]

I suspect that the basis for most of everyone's social anxiety would be the belief that one is being judged unfavourably by other people in situations where one is being observed, and worrying about this to the extent that it interferes with everyday things.

this

but, especially, the taunting because of the eye-patch and peg leg

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Zero self-esteem.
I think that was the result of constant childhood bullying.

 

[Kat]

I started school about 4 and that’s when my anxiety kicked in. I think that it may have been too early for me I’d say that would be the root but a bunch of other things. I think I have gotten better over the years but it is still easy to get knocked down especially when my paranoia’s about people have been confirmed. It doesn’t mean I have stopped trying just because I still have the problem. I think because of my age and lack of confidence and not being able to pull it together gets viewed as childish. I have missed out on jobs because I didn’t have the confidence to convince them that I could do the work and people have told me you don’t have the confidence to do this. Sometimes I think yeah I agree but other times I think it takes more strength to push forward despite how you feel then to be calm and do the same.

 

[SM1010]

Genetics for sure. It's just always been there.

 

[Purplepixies]

Elementary School= bullying=poor self esteem=junior high=more bullying=worst self esteem= high school= I was an ugly poster on a wall by then =depression.

In the end I worked most of my depression out by myself. Because I know the root of all my downfalls is in elementary school years. And I can't go back, but I need to make sure College isn't the same.

 

[Prestonator]

Genetics for sure. It's just always been there.

SA isn't genetic! It just a reaction to the way your parents treated you! SA isn't really a part of who you are deep down (the inner you), it is just something that has latched itself onto the outside of your being. Something which can be removed with the the right resources. Each of us has these resources, but we just dont necessarily believe we do, and this is why we find it hard to cope with our SA.

 

[Kiwong]

Estuarine muds subjected to tidal influences.

 

[Srijita52]

I've always been painfully shy which later on in the years, when I had to face other social situations i.e. school, I suffered very much and it beat my confidence so much that I had developed SA.

Same here.As a very shy person I suffered pretty much in school.I even experienced horrible bullying in 9th & 10th grade & I've always felt like my family could never give me the support I needed.I think all of these factors played a major role in developing my SA.

 

[Minty]

I think I was naturally shy as a kid. A good percentage of kids are. Most of them don't grow up to have SA. I developed it because as a child, I saw how my mom dealt with stress. She avoided it. That reinforced this belief that the world is a very scary place and avoiding is the only thing I know how to do. This is honestly the only way I've known how to live so it's not practical to say "get over it". I automatically think, "Get over what? Is there even another way to be?" I need outside help but I can't afford therapy.

I know it's not low self-esteem. I had terrible self-esteem growing up and, as a result, suffered from depression. After having a friend that I could really relate to and trust in high school, my self-esteem went up and my depression withered to nothing over the years, even after that friend ditched me. I monitor my thoughts and I honestly do not have negative ones...like ever. My self-esteem is pretty awesome. I like myself. So that's definitely not it.

I honestly think I have this paranoia of the world. A part of me thinks I can only survive by hiding from it. I don't have a problem with myself, I have a problem with the outside. I can't trust it. And I know this is all irrational.