What is the exact nature of your SA?

[aftermidnight]

I'm exactly the same as you in that I find it extremely difficult to explain things to people. This breaks my confidence as well.

I'm constantly worried about having nothing to say/sounding stupid or weird/being a nuisance to others.

I always put myself down and I'm pretty sure I have low self esteem. I get obsessed over having said something in a "wrong" way or having upset someone even if it was a very small thing that probably didn't even make a fleeting impact on them. I fear judgement above all else and that makes me a very paranoid person.

This all makes me a very very quiet person, there are things I want to say, I just don't have the confidence to say it for fear of the things above.
Sometimes I'll think there's nothing for me to say, but I know that it must be my fear and anxiety clouding my thoughts. It makes my brain very unclear and thus unable to articulate a sentence or have a decent conversation with anybody. I hate being this way but at least now I've come to accept it.

What sucks is that, as I can tell from this thread in particular (and from the rest of the forum too), many of us are actually very articulate in our writing.

 

[Kiwong]

Maybe I'm not such a great person, but if I listen to some to the things I've heard said about me then I am lost and things could end badly for me. Regardless of what anyone says I can't descend into self hatred, I have to look after myself and keep trying because no one else will.

 

[aftermidnight]

I would rather not define it,or have it define me.

Defining it is necessary to coping with it and hopefully overcoming it. "Making my social anxiety better" is not a goal; it is a vision. You can't just make your social anxiety better by wishing it so, unfortunately. The better you can define the actual nature of your SA, the better you can be at setting realistic goals on how to deal with it.

 

[aftermidnight]

I've always been shy since I was born - practically! I never developed social skills fully and till this day I still don't know how to start a conversation with getting nervous and awkward. Although I'm fine to talking to people small talk I can't deal with long conversations because I run out of things to say and I get all twitchy and such. I'm not really sure why I'm like this tbh.

Do you get nervous because you have no idea what to say? It's easy to find out words to say when it comes to casual conversation (small talk), but as a conversation goes on, it gets harder and harder to think of things to say, especially after you've exhausted the common topics (e.g. weather, nice clothes, plans for the weekend, what you did today, etc...). That's when I'm glad to be with a talkative extrovert: she can keep the conversation going. If that's not the case, and I feel the need to keep the conversation going (to avoid awkward silence), then chances are I'm going to go blank and then just say the first thing to come to mind - usually something stupid.

 

[aftermidnight]

I have always felt like I have struggled to be around other people. I AM shy....and people can see it... When I speak I feel like everything I am saying is ridiculous.... almost to the point where the actual words that I am using are not making any sense at all.

I have this feeling that people simply find me off putting..or that I am a loser. Even in my adult life I feel like people just want to stay away from me because I am in someway inferior.

The way I look, my actions, and the way I behave is awkward. People see me and they feel awkward themselves...and it brings me down.
I have a tendency to not engage in banter with other people that much, because I dont know what to say and I feel stupid saying it...sometimes I think that I am being condescending or being a nuisance. I am highly sensitive to other peoples opinion of me... It dictates almost every part of my life. I would rather be accepted and liked than stand up and be rejected.

I feel the same way sometimes. Even around my friends, I sometimes have trouble articulating a story, or I won't have something to say but feel the need to say something and end up saying something stupid, and I'll afterwards feel like an idiot... but then those friends will end up later saying something like "some people just need to learn the people skills that you and I have." Wait, you think I have people skills? That's when I realize that maybe I'm not as bad at talking as I convince myself.

I mean, that's a problem a lot of people with anxiety of all sorts have: holding false beliefs of how others think of them.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

Hm, I'm shy and it may take me a while to warm up in order to not feel uncomfortable around new people, but I'm functional in almost every aspect of my life.

Despite that, I don't have a social life, I never see my "friends" outside college (no dorms here). But my biggest problem is my complete inability to socialize with women, the last time I had a female friend was 18 years ago when I was 5, right now I can't even make eye contact, not to mention say something or start a conversation (but just socially, I can do it if is just a procedure or if it's my job). My environment isn't helpful at all, but well, I'm slowly working on improving my situation

 

[nicole1]

My SA is a super pain in the butt. My life is really hurt by it. I can't do a lot of things b/c of it and I've had major set backs b/c of it. I've altered many aspects of my life around SA. I've made accommodations for myself so that my SA wouldn't interfere or so that my life wouldn't be interrupted b/c of it.

I do not like going out, I love being alone, I sometimes don't want to interact with anyone at all. I don't like many people. That's partially b/c SA.

I recently had to sign up with the disability office. After many years of avoiding therapy and trying to get better on my own, I am finally getting the help and accommodations I need so that I can move forward with my life.

 

[Aletheia]

Before social events I'll be apprehensive, during them awkward and after them agonizingly self-critical.

I fall so easily into "I don't know what to say" mode. I seize up.

I find being with people hard work, exhausting. But being without them is so lonely.

 

[this_portrait]

I have rather poor communication skills. Initiating conversations is something I struggle with very much. Eye contact is something I have a hard time with as well. My nervous habits (such as twirling my hair) also make it hard to communicate effectively with people as well.

On the rare occasion that I do become closer to someone, if I disagree with them on something, I won't come out and say anything, because I don't want to have any conflict. So I just end up acting passive-aggressive, and only after things have gone to sh*t do I finally say what I'm thinking and feeling. Letting things build up also can cause me to explode.