What Do You Want To Accomplish?

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Silatuyok

Well-known member
Reading these threads as a newcomer, I've noticed that we all seem to have different goals or wishes pertaining to our social anxiety...some of us want friends, some of us want romantic partners, some of us want to wake up in the morning without dreading having to go to work and see other people.
So, in a word, what would be your greatest achievement over social anxiety? What are you working toward being able to do or think? And what are you doing to get there?
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
As for myself, my biggest goal and wish in life is to be able to interact with other people on a very casual, if somewhat superficial, level. I would love to be a decent conversationalist and be able to engage in small talk with another person. If I could walk into a party and start chatting with someone else about the weather, I would be a happy camper.
I'm happy without friends in my life. I'm happy without needing other people around me all the time. What I am not happy about is that I can't function on the rare occasion that I really need to be able to act cool and be friendly. I can't attend a company party without hyperventilating, and I can't spend a day with my partner's family without crying my eyes out in the bathroom.
My second goal is to become more comfortable with not being a social person. This is becoming easier as I read and post on this forum and realize that I don't need other people to like me in order to be a really awesome person.
 
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bigcat1967

Well-known member
Marie:

Just off the subject - I looked at your blog that you have as your sig - you should be put Google Adsense onto it in order to make some money. Just fyi.

What do I want to accomplish? Keep on striving to be the best I can be. I know it sounds like a cliche - but I do mean it.
 
Arthur_Dent

Arthur_Dent

1
I'm from somewhat to completely functional in many aspects of my life.

So my greatest achievement over social anxiety would be (and I'm probably getting tired the older members with my insistence about this) to get a girlfriend, of course on a functional relationship.

Right now I'm going to therapy, and I'm tying to figure out how I'm going to be able to start by just keep eye contact with a woman I'm interested in.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
bigcat1967 said:
Marie:

Just off the subject - I looked at your blog that you have as your sig - you should be put Google Adsense onto it in order to make some money. Just fyi.

What do I want to accomplish? Keep on striving to be the best I can be. I know it sounds like a cliche - but I do mean it.
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Thanks for the advice, bigcat. I have no idea how to go about doing that, but I'm sure I can google it to find out. :)
 
brainfog

brainfog

Well-known member
for me it's to accept myself, because if i can't love myself then there's no way other people will accept me or have a relationship, so i'm trying to change the things about myself that i can't accept. i know SA will be a part of me no matter what i do/how much i change, but i can reduce it's impact on me by doing everythign i can, such as going out to social functions/partaking in group/club activities (halloween party coming up), and talking to random people around campus.
today i worked up the guts to strike up a conversation with a girl walking to her car, with the following mentality: she won't bite my head off if i try to talk to her, and b) i probably won't ever see her again so for the sake of practice and making progress towards my goal, why the hell not?
surprisingly at the end of our convo, she told me where she hangs out at the and said i can stop by if i wish. needless to say i'm terrified at the idea of seeing this girl again and having to talk to her one on one again, but i have to put myself in that situation again, if i want to make progress towards my goal, sure i might say somethign stupid, but who cares? i won't see her again, and ill have more experience and tailor myself on what wat wrong and how i can act/talk in the future.
it's nothing significant, but to me it was a bit of a victory nonetheless, and a small step towards my goal.
the halloween party will be my next challenge, i'm hoping i can make more progress towards my goal, so good lucky to everybody in reaching their goals, i'm taking it in small baby steps, i don't expect to change overnight
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
brainfog said:
for me it's to accept myself, because if i can't love myself then there's no way other people will accept me or have a relationship, so i'm trying to change the things about myself that i can't accept. i know SA will be a part of me no matter what i do/how much i change, but i can reduce it's impact on me by doing everythign i can, such as going out to social functions/partaking in group/club activities (halloween party coming up), and talking to random people around campus.
today i worked up the guts to strike up a conversation with a girl walking to her car, with the following mentality: she won't bite my head off if i try to talk to her, and b) i probably won't ever see her again so for the sake of practice and making progress towards my goal, why the hell not?
surprisingly at the end of our convo, she told me where she hangs out at the and said i can stop by if i wish. needless to say i'm terrified at the idea of seeing this girl again and having to talk to her one on one again, but i have to put myself in that situation again, if i want to make progress towards my goal, sure i might say somethign stupid, but who cares? i won't see her again, and ill have more experience and tailor myself on what wat wrong and how i can act/talk in the future.
it's nothing significant, but to me it was a bit of a victory nonetheless, and a small step towards my goal.
the halloween party will be my next challenge, i'm hoping i can make more progress towards my goal, so good lucky to everybody in reaching their goals, i'm taking it in small baby steps, i don't expect to change overnight
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Congrats, that sounds like a huge victory! Keep us posted about when you see the girl again and how it goes. ;)
 
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Matticus

Member
What i want to accomplish is; Find some confidence. Get fit, i'm a bit flabby right now. Being fit will hopefully produce more confidence, which hopefully would lead to a job then my own flat maybe, then even a girl friend. although tbh, i think i'd prefer to live alone, from seeing what happens to relationships around me and such, i think its not worth the agro getting a girl. i'm not a family person, i hate kids.
 
brainfog

brainfog

Well-known member
Matticus said:
What i want to accomplish is; Find some confidence. Get fit, i'm a bit flabby right now. Being fit will hopefully produce more confidence, which hopefully would lead to a job then my own flat maybe, then even a girl friend. although tbh, i think i'd prefer to live alone, from seeing what happens to relationships around me and such, i think its not worth the agro getting a girl. i'm not a family person, i hate kids.
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Matticus, getting fit is a good start, as excercising will give you a mentality that your working towards improving yourself, and it'll show physically as well as well as mentally like you said. that last bit depends on the girl in qusetion, i've seen various relationships, some have lasted and have blossomed into something beautiful and lasting, while some usually last no longer than a year or so, so you never know. good luck with your goal bro you'll get there !

and marie i'll keep posted on how it goes (that's if i work up the guts to even go see her again lol)
 
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Fighter86

Well-known member
For starters, a place of my own would be nice, but houses are horribly expensive here, a small flat is well in the range of $300 plus k in a non popular location, and that's the cheapest. Its a flat, not an actual house. Further, there are all sorts of property laws preventing unmarried singles buying a place of their own, its rediculous.
 
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Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
Fighter86 said:
Further, there are all sorts of property laws preventing unmarried singles buying a place of their own, its rediculous.
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What?? :eek: :confused:

That's just outright discrimination! If you want to buy a house, what possible business is it of anyone's whether you're married or single? :mad:
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
It's the deepest hole I've dug myself into (among other events) by legally getting a mortgage on a tiny place 10 years ago with my girlfriend who left because it was 'too small for her' which is now too much to finalise payments by myself.

Bad law? From experience, no law 'helps' anyone. It's there to prevent anyone achieving anything
 
razzle dazzle rose

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
Simply put, I wanna have plans on Saturday night.

There are a plethora of things I have to work on of course, but that right there sums up everything I want and lack. To get there, have plans on Saturday nights, I have to have friends to go out with, I have to have a boyfriend who lives in the area to go out with...a job so I can have money to spend. And perhaps a vehicle to get around more easily. I need to learn to talk to people, make small talk; I need to apply to jobs, go back to school...and get over my fear of driving. Then I can work on the big things, like move out of my parents' house, get married and have kids.

I absolutely hate Friday and Saturday nights. They are the hardest time for me. What I have always wanted was to dress up and go out on the town, living it up, and that is still true. I want to go to parties, I want to go to bars, and clubs and enjoy myself. I want to meet lots of new people and talk and make jokes and stuff. Just have a good time. I always get to see my sister get all dolled up and head out; and I stay here in my sweats online. It kills me a little each time, like tonight.

CarrotStix said:
Exactly how friendly I am on the internet...that's how I wanna be irl too.
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YES. I can be so cool online... :cool: :) So it is in me to be how I want to be.

So, what am I doing to accomplish my goals? Well, I began going out on my own during the day-significant since I mostly only go out with my safe person, my sister. And learning more about SA is really an eye-opener for me. The more I know about it, the better I will be at overcoming it. Well, I am hoping for that. So, I am reading on the subject as much as I can. And reading the threads here too.

I am also working on talking more and expressing my thoughts to others:
-Making small talk to cashiers. It is going better than I expected!
-Saying what comes to mind, when talking to people and even on this forum itself.
-Participating more on FB. Making more updates, commenting on people's posts, etc.

Elementary stuff I know, but I have to start somewhere. Next up is finding a volunteer position.

(Sorry for such a long post...this is just such an important question to consider and answer :p )
 
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FriendlessGirl

1
I wanna contribute more into conversation, make some friends, stop seeming like a snob, get a life outside my house, get my dream job and be more comfortable with myself. Hope that's not too much lol.
 
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